Thursday, June 20, 2013

"Messed up" Mom

I wonder, does every mom become more "mom-ish" as the yrs go by? I'm just not that mom! You know, the worrying, hovering, reminding kind. But it seems that 12 yrs of marriage and 5 children has "messed me up" and I'm feeling it, feeling it deep, that there's 5 pieces of my heart walking around outside my body! The big boy is gone for a whole week at camp and he's w/ uncles, but I worr....wonder: is he taking showers? Keeping his clothes together? Having fun? Being hurt? Being understood? Oh my heart! Do they have to just keep growing up, up and away? Then there's the little boy with the stuffy nose an watery eyes. Babies cause enough emotion w/o being sick and I worr...wonder: will he sleep tonight? Will he get worse? What should I be doing? Oh my heart! Do they have to be so little, so little and utterly dependent? Yes, I'm a "messed up" mom and my heart is wandering around in 5 different directions. But would I tuck the pieces safely back inside? No. No, I'll just become more "mom-ish" as the yrs go by!

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