Saturday, December 7, 2013

On the Reality and the Fear part 2

We had been living in OH almost a year when the news came. It was so abrupt, so shocking, so totally unexpected. Chris' cousin's husband, gone! Died instantly in a mowing accident. The news brought me face to face w/ the Reality and the Fear like never before. It had been a year of loss -I'd "lost" my house, church, home state, family... basically everything that had made me feel secure! Losing one more thing felt entirely more possible than it ever had before. It almost felt Likely! The fear threatened to clutch and strangle, the questions, the imagining... I knew I had to say "God, he's yours-they're yours. Thank you for giving them to me, I place them back in your hand." But oh! It was one of the hardest things I'd ever done! I'm still trying to learn how to face the Reality without succumbing to the Fear. The Reality is there, ignoring it is not going to make it disappear. But so is a Big God. A God who gives Grace, not for Fears and "what ifs", but for the moment! And so I choose the Big God, daily.