Wednesday, November 19, 2014

Dear Baby Rosanna,

Monday morning, November 17, as you were sleeping peacefully, tucked in the safe cocoon inside your mamma, I looked at the chalkboard on my wall and wondered, "What shall I write on it?" A phrase from a Bible verse came to my mind, so I decided to write it down. "There is no fear in Love" I wrote, carefully shading the word 'fear' in block letters and scrolling out the word 'Love' in graceful curves.

I had been waiting to hear news of your birth for 2 1/2 long weeks past your due date, Baby dear, and I read your mamma's email that day and breathed a prayer yet again when I heard they would be going to the Dr for an ultrasound to see if everything was ok in your safe haven. When the phone call came from Kristine saying the Dr wanted you born by C-section because of your sideways position, I was happy to hear that at least the waiting would be over soon and you would be here at last!

Then came the text Monday evening letting us know you were here, and those words that sent the fear shooting into our hearts, "the baby is stable but there are some abnormalities."

Oh Sweet Baby! It felt like a mean trick coming on the heels of a hard summer dealing with the adjustments of your Grandma passing away! I lay in bed that night, fighting the questions and the fear. Wouldn't a sweet, new baby have been such a healing thing for everyone? Why? What could possibly be good about this, yet too?

Tuesday morning my chalkboard stared at me as I went about my work, "There is no fear in love....there is no fear in love...." If someone is Love, Rosanna, there can't really be anything to fear in them, can there? Did I believe God was Love? I thought I did! But this? How could this be Love?

Babies are miracles, did you know that Rosanna? "At conception 23 chromosomes from the father combine with 23 chromosomes from the mother to create a baby with a set of 46 chromosomes in each cell". Amazing. That sounds like Love to me! Such intricate, detailed, careful design to form a perfect, sweet little baby. That sounds like the work of a Creator Father who is Love.

But what if that isn't the only way Love looks? Is Love only Love when it looks the way I think it should?

I looked at my chalkboard last night, Sweet Baby. "There is no fear in love" it said, and I made a choice. I chose to believe that God *IS* Love. With that choice came the realization that a baby carefully chosen to have 3 #18 chromosomes in each cell instead of the normal 2 is just as intricately and delicately designed in every detail as one who has the usual number. This, too, is the work of a Creator Father who is Love.

Dear Sweet Little Rosanna, I don't pretend to understand why God chose you to be this particular version of His Love. I freely admit it isn't the version your mamma and daddy and siblings...or any of us...would have chosen. But there isn't a doubt in my mind that you were carefully and delicately designed to be just who you are just for us and I lift my hands to a Creator Father who *IS* Love!

I don't know how many days you will have here, Sweet Baby. I saw your picture yesterday and all I could think was "She is Precious!" I know that none of us really knows what Heaven is like and that a lot of our imaginings are probably not the way it will really be. Still, it makes me smile to imagine both of your Grandmas waiting for you up there, just aching to get their hands on you as you come through those pearly gates! So, whether I meet you here or over there, know that you are loved by many and Created special by a Father who is Love.

With Love,
Auntie Bethany

Please pray for my brother, Carl, his wife, Joy, and their 5 children as they bring their baby home today and journey through these first...and last...days with baby Rosanna. Thank you friends!


Shannon said...

Oh this hurts, I'm so sorry! Prayers for them and you all.

Jolene said...

So sad! But a beautiful post.I'll be praying!!

Anonymous said...

From the joy of being told a niece is named after me to the sorrow of trisomy 18
Thank you for writing this story
Aunt Rosanna