I don't like to have my selfishness exposed. Oh, sure. I like to humbly confess my selfish heart and blab on about the work I want God to do. But to have my selfishness exposed in a blinding light right before my eyes? No thanks. Every instinct in me is to rise up and argue, "No, no. That's not me. Oh, I know I'm not perfect, but what you're saying? No, no. That's not me!"
But sometimes, in the dark of the night, in the middle of the argument, God has the grace to blind you with the light and you see that that really is you.
It really is you who hurts your children with your selfishness. You, who makes your husband feel that all he is good for is to keep you happy. You, who's selfishness keeps the friends at arms length in the "this is comfortable" zone.
Blinding light hurts. But then again, so does darkness.
I am in a love/hate relationship with facebook. I contemplate permanently severing the relationship almost daily. But sometimes I have to give it credit, and this quote I read last night was one of those times:
"The truth is that the more intimately you know someone, the more clearly you'll see their flaws. That's just the way it is. This is why marriages fail, why children are abandoned, why friendships don't last. You might think you love someone until you see the way they act when they're out of money or under pressure or hungry, for goodness sake. **Love is something different.** Love is choosing to serve someone in spite of their filthy heart. Love is patient and kind. Love is deliberate. Love is hard. Love is pain and sacrifice, it's seeing the darkness in another person and defying the impulse to jump ship."
Quite obviously, love is the opposite of selfishness. I want to learn that love, the kind that is something different.