For the past 4-5 weeks I have been slogging along. Somewhere back there I entered a long, black tunnel and I've spent all my energy trying to claw my way to the light. Some days there doesn't even seem to be enough energy to claw; the tears come easily and curling up under a pile of warm blankets seems like an almost irresistible idea.
If any of you are like me, it often helps my blue mood to at least be able to pinpoint the problem. I've tried. And while there's lots of little things I could point to, whether real or imagined, and convince myself that they are the culprit, none of them seem to quite be responsible. One day I read an article about Seasonal Affective Disorder, which made me remember this blog post and reading them gave me more hope than probably anything else has.
I've found myself avoiding any kind of depth, both here and in real life. We all want to share things when they're over with, you know? When the crisis is past, when I've made it through the tunnel into the light, when I've discovered answers....then is the time for sharing!
The fact of the matter is, I probably already know the answers. I know at least one key to this blackness lies in reaching outside of myself - baking the pan of brownies and taking them to a neighbor, writing the note and sending it to some unsuspecting friend... I know this stuff and how it works, I've even written about it before. But what do you do when the selfish truth you can't seem to get past is this: What I really want is all the brownies for myself!!
Maybe I do need to check into some remedies for S.A.D. Maybe the light will return along with sunshine and warmth and the end of grey skies, turtlenecks and fuzzy house slippers. Until then, sometimes it helps the most to know we are not alone. Care to share your darkness...and light...in the comments? Do you have a prayer request or a burden or a praise? Share it with us! I'll bake you a virtual pan of brownies if you bake one for me.......