You say that you trust Him; that you believe His plan for you has always been filled with hope. Then why do you cry? Why do you snap at your husband? Why the deep annoyance over the spoiled plans?
You say that you trust Him. Is this how trust looks?
You say that you trust Him, shouldn't there be cheerful smiles and willing, "Ok, that's fine" words coming out of your mouth? Shouldn't there be immediate thinking of others rather then self-pity and "I am a martyr" attitudes?
You say that you trust Him, do you think He doesn't know? Do you think He had no idea how important this week's plans were to you? Think He allowed a death just for the fun of it because He didn't feel like waiting til next week? Think He doesn't see a bigger picture that involves way more people and details than your little eyes could ever see?
Of course I know all these things; of course!
You say that you trust Him, does that mean you're entitled to your tears and annoyance and then you'll straighten up?
I cannot answer all the questions. I only know that I am human and that I do trust Him.
And so, I cry. I dry my tears and remind my children that God has a big picture. I snap and apologize. I express my annoyance and slowly open my hand and say "Thank you." I re-arrange my to do list and remember that in years to come this week will be only a very tiny part of history.
The words of a song ring in my ears:
"And here by the water
I'll build an altar to Praise Him
Out of the stones that I've found here
I'll set them down here
Rough as they are
Knowing You can make them holy..."
*This post is so much a part of life. This week it is particularly in regard to an anticipated visit from my dad, which was to be the introduction of our family to his friend Sara, being cancelled because of the death of Chris' grandfather in VA. Please pray for his grandma and other relatives, many of whom do not profess Christianity, that the Light of Life would shine through.