Monday, April 22, 2019

Dear Mom

There will probably always be moments in life that bring back the shock of that early morning phone call. I lay in bed this morning and re-lived it all -- the numb, slow motion process of getting ready to leave for Arkansas; the appearance of kind friends and the sweet gifts of love; the out of body feeling of just doing the next thing. I let my mind replay planning a funeral and greeting the long, long line of visitors until my feet tingled and my smile turned plastic. I felt again the utter exhaustion and laying on the floor searching for words while my family slept and the tears flowed.


We didn't have a chance to tell you goodbye, Mom. There were no long days and weeks of lingering and pain and last words. There was no declining and watching you fade away by inches. You were here one day, and gone the next; voice vibrant and suddenly silent. Many people have commented on how hard the suddenness must have been. Quite honestly, I've always been glad that's how you could go.

The truth is, there is no 'easy' when it comes to death. There might be pros and there might be cons; there might be easier and harder, in some ways. But there is no 'easy '.


Today a friend's mom is no longer here. Her story was completely different than ours - different parts harder and easier, if you will. But as I've watched her experience unfold and allowed myself to relieve my own, I'm reminded again that death has no 'easy'.

At the same time, I'm also reminded it has no power, no victory and no permanency! It is a strange paradox of pain and rejoicing, of sweet memories and tearful goodbyes, of heart wrenching finality and joyful anticipation.


So today Mom,  I embrace all of it. I'm imagining you welcoming my friend's mom to the choir; showing her around and rejoicing that another child has come home. At the same time, I'm wiping tears and lifting my friend in prayer, because death has no 'easy' and we miss you both oh, so much.

Enjoy the sights for me, Mom. One of these days there will be no more tearful goodbyes, what a day that will be!

Love,  Bethany


"Surely He hath borne our griefs and carried our sorrows ... and with His stripes we are healed." Isaiah 53:4 and 5

11 comments:

  1. Bethany, once again, you have written beautifully. I wish I had the gift for writing that you do. Thank you for sharing your life and thoughts with us.

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  2. Bethany I wish I could come over and give you a hug and your friend too. I remember when I got the call when my own mother passed into glory in the early morning in February 2008. It's such a sad feeling but we know our mothers are all together hanging out and worshipping the Lord.

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  3. So true! I've experienced sudden deaths and lingering deaths in my family but there is no easy on this side.

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  4. So, so true. Having experienced the death of two family members... Its never easy. One was a sudden death, and the other a slow declining death w a few days notice of the end. The second time is worse, because we knew what lie ahead. But for me personally, I would take the sudden passing over having to watch a loved one fade and suffer. But as we all know, we don't pick our end. We leave it all in the hands of Him who has everything in His control, and who will carry us through. Blessings to you!

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    Replies
    1. Honestly, watching a loved one suffer and fade is one of my biggest fears! Thankfully, I also know God doesn't give grace for my fears but He certainly does give grace when we are in the middle of the experience!!

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  5. After I initially commented I seem to have clicked on the -Notify
    me when new comments are added- checkbox and from
    now on each time a comment is added I recieve four emails with the exact
    same comment. Perhaps there is a way you can remove me from that service?

    Cheers!

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    Replies
    1. I don't think I can. I believe you should be able to unsubscribe yourself somewhere in the emails you are receiving.

      Delete
  6. I always love when you write about your mom. I am so grateful that I got to know her when I taught in Arkansas, and that I got to be on her letter recipient list. She was a beautiful woman of God! Blessings to you as you grieve...

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