Death, the eye-opening burden adjuster

Twelve years of marriage, six children, a wife. Now he is gone, done w/ sickness in this life. How little I know of trials, of hardship or pain. How very small and petty my "burdens" that I carry like the weight of the world. How simplistic my worries that I magnify into Mount Everests. Tonight there is a Woman who is laying her Husband to rest tomorrow. A Wife who has lived with this man for 12 yrs and spent the last 4 watching his body slowly deteriorate. A Mother with 6 children and no daddy to help care for them. True, there's Heaven. True, there's joy at the thot of no more physical pain and suffering. Still, tonight there's me laying down to sleep beside my strong, able husband. There's me with 4 children who have a daddy and no tears and questions and comforting to supply. There's me, the self absorbed, pitiful wretch who thinks life is so hard to bear. O God! Forgive me for not living life fully. For holding out clenched fists instead of open, upturned hands. All really is grace. For her, for me.