Some days when the mother has lost way too much sleep, and the cares of life have bogged her down. When the everlasting redoing of mundane tasks makes her shoulders sag and her smile forced. When the might have been and i wish list grows long and the gifts of here and now grow dim. When the monumental task of training, disciplining, nurturing, growing children proves to be just too mountainous. Yes, on just such days as those, it behooves the mother to roll up her sleeves and turn out the meatballs and fixings! To pull out the pie pan and make a fancy pie just for her own. To hunt up the pretty table cloth and gather up the nice dishes and find a center piece. To pen names and notes on place cards and make little people smile upon hearing what she likes about them. The sparkle of eyes and excitement on faces is a sure melter of gloom and diminisher of cares if only the mother will do
it! *it was fun* :)

Startling Reality

Sometimes I get this startling reality check! It happened last week end when we visited my family in AR. It still feels so strange to be an over night visitor in the house I called home all my life! The startling thing though, was realizing suddenly that for my children, being there is the same as my memories of Grandpa Gingeriches. We often stayed at Grandpas when we visited IN. I can picture their house clearly - feel the feeling of arriving after traveling all day. I can picture the toys and taste the chili soup. I can feel the bedspreads and the quiet cleanness of each room. I can hear Grandpa asking a question and listening carefully because his hearing required hearing aids. I can see Grandma sitting quietly in her rocker. Sometimes it still startles me that I'm the Mom in this equation now, and it's my children memorizing the sights, smells and feeling of Grandpa's! There's a pang of sadness at the reality of Change, but there's a warmth in knowing my children's memories will be as sweet as mine!

Dear Mother-to-be, (continued)

Yes, Motherhood is not for the selfish nor faint of heart! But. (Yes, mercifully there is a "but"!) Apart from the amazement of those first flutters of life in your womb and the kicks, hiccups and gymnastics that follow-totally aside from tiny toes, little legs tucked up, cuddly bodies and sleeping expressions-is being their Mother. The world is full of children, but *this* one will be yours. You will watch every first-bath, smile, giggle, tooth.... Every skill learned will happen under your watchful care-rolling over, sitting, scooting, crawling... You will be the one *this* child recognizes, reaches for and who's touch brings instant comfort. As you watch this little piece of you outside of your body, it is true, your life will no longer be your own. But. Sometime during those hours of rocking chair time, you will begin to realize how very fleeting the ever changing "lists" are, and how very sweet the "But" in the equation of Motherhood! So Dear Mother-to-be, I can only sit back, watch, and say- Enjoy!

Dear Mother-to-be,

I'm thinking about you this evening, and marveling at how very little you know about this life you are anticipating. Apart from the moods, sickness, aches, pains, tiredness and complications that accompany the 9+ months of waiting-Totally aside from the anxiety, pain and physical alterations that actually bring you to Motherhood-there is Being a Mother. From the moment that title is placed on your head, your life is no longer your own. You will no longer go to bed whenever you want, nor eat, shower, dress, cook, clean, in other words *Do Anything* whenever you want to. You will spend hours on the rocking chair, planning what you will do next, but it may never happen. There will be sickness of every description, and more questions and decisions than you thought possible. As your children get older, the list of things you didn't know will be ever changing as your responsibility looms heavier. All this, Dear Mother-to-be, is only a faint inkling in your mind as you begin this anticipated journey.(to be cont)

These two

I remember the day well, the upheaval of emotions and the guilt at feeling the way i did. I remember the disbelief and the denial. It was the day i discovered my 9 1/2 month old would be a big sister in 8 short months. I look at these two today and if i could go back i would change nothing! There have been plenty of days (and nights) when i've felt differently :) these two little girls are the best of friends. I can't imagine one without the other! The complement each other so well - lillian's silence and jennifer's constant chatter. Jennifer's leadership and lillian's need of a leader. Lillian's shyness and timidity and jennifer's outgoing boldness. Some days i would love a little less mess around the house, but i do love to watch them play and use their amazing creativity! They're happy play far exceeds their times of not getting along. So i look back to that long ago day and i'm
thankful that god knew so much better than me! He always does, i should know by now...:)

This Moment

We had a little fire tonight. Just a little one, with a few bags of trash. Then one thing led to another, and suddenly we had a little ring of excited children with improvised sticks and old, sticky marshmallows. There was a tray with graham crackers, chocolate chips and a water bottle. We also had one mother. She was a slightly cranky mother, with edges of navy-est blue. A mother who's day had been spent with lots of ugliness in her heart and tears on her cheeks. The evening was perfect, the air lovely and the shadows beginning to lengthen. The mother thought she would have liked to enjoy the delicious peace all by herself! But as little faces beamed, marshmallows browned, and fingers turned sticky she found that wasn't really what she wanted at all. As her shoulders relaxed, her fingers uncurled until her palms lay open and empty before her Father. And as the little fire danced, all the ugly slipped out and peace settled in. Because *this* was really what she wanted after all... this life, this moment.

Stream of ... Life

Life streams steadily along, quickly, busily, pausing for no one! There's glorious fall days, daily mundane tasks, jaunts to discover covered bridges, children coughing in the night, counting gifts with my children, lack of sleep clouding mind and body.... There's a writing project I poured mind and soul into for days and then layed aside leaving me empty and wordless... There's outside projects of sidewalk and patio and the prospect of a trip to Arkansas... There's Life. Streaming, swirling, dancing along, taking me with it. Sometimes willingly, sometimes grudgingly, but always moving steadily onward. Little things that wait for "someday" fall through the cracks as we stream along ... photo albums, sewing projects, clean windows, organizing attics and clothes boxes... Onward I go! Frantically trying to cover cracks so the important things don't find their way through as well ... stories, rocking, smiling, loving, laughing... This is Life, this busy, streaming, moving existence. And it's only lived once.