January Q & A: #7 A Question About Singles

Question #7:

"Why does Scripture emphasize that widows and orphans need to find support in the brotherhood, but single women are not mentioned that context? It's true that a widow with young children probably needs help a lot more than a young or middle-agreed single woman. But doesn't a middle-aged/senior never-married woman need just much help as (or more help than) a widow with children who can help her? It seems to me that in many ways widows, especially the older ones, are better provided for than the never-married women.

And a widow is comforted in mourning that which was? Is there any place for a single woman to mourn that which might have been?"

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I'll be honest, I was not at all excited about tackling this question. Not that it's a bad question; just a touchy one. I've said a few things about singles in the past that didn't go over too well and I really just wanted no part of a repeat.

Quite possibly I took the easy way out. But I got to thinking that it would surely feel better to hear from someone who has walked a few miles in these moccasins. So, I asked for input for this question from a friend who knows what it's like to be single.
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On the subject of why the scriptures do not address the single woman’s needs along with widows and orphans: Probably  a lot of us have wondered. There is that temptation of concluding we are not worthy, like daring to think even God doesn't care?  How many women mentioned in the Scriptures were actually single? We can assume perhaps Dorcas, Lydia, Miriam, Deborah …but who knows? It does say in Acts 21:9 that Stephen had four unmarried daughters who prophesied.  How common was singleness at that time?  I guess we don't really know that answer either. Would singles have been included with the care of widows? I would like to think that. I know the Lord well enough to know that He would not have ignored our needs.

What about mourning that which was, and what might have been? Obviously mourning has legimate value during an adjusting time. But if mourning prevents us from moving on, or seeing God's sovereignty, it can become a crutch leading us into self centeredness. When we can believe God has the right to order our lives we find it much easier to accept where He placed us.  This is seldom a one time commitment.

Singleness and loneliness need not necessarily be synonymous. Singleness may require more of an initiative to take an interest in others. One's spiritual gift can help to direct us there. I especially enjoyed having guests in my home. Or taking gifts of food or flowers from the garden to cheer someone.  If possible it is a big blessing to have other singles to share with but not to the exclusion of enjoying the company of married ladies, couples, or families.

If loneliness loomed large I found it helpful to sing, especially hymns that directed my thoughts to my Heavenly Father. It may have also kept the mice at bay. I was never much of a vocalist. :)

I am sorry if there are singles ladies who do not feel cared for. In my own long term singleness I often felt very cared for. And sometimes I felt forgotten. Perhaps it is an insensitivity of the brotherhood, simply not thinking what others might need or want. We do want to be careful not to portray a spirit of “helplessness” that turns people off.  But it's okay to make known a need. ”"Bear ye one another’s burden and so fulfill the law of Christ.”" Gal.6:2  Neither do we want to give an air of independence where it appears like we don't need anyone. We all need each other.

The Lord really does delight to meet the needs of His own.  Many dedicated singles have and are making a huge impact by serving others. We do well to bless them in return by our caring.

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I think that was well said, and I'm not sure I have much to add. Maybe one of you has further thoughts or questions?