Class Of 2019

Oh hi. You mean people still stop by this place?

Believe it or not, I haven't fallen off the face of the earth nor gotten hit with the bubonic plague nor has the cat actually quite gotten my tongue. I'm still here in Ohio, living my life, doing my thing; I just don't happen to be talking about it very often.

"If my heart had a physical gauge to show the feelings of the past week, the needle would be stuck somewhere over by 'all the feelings'."

I started a post several days ago with that emotional beginning. But rather like the weather around here -- one day feeling like summer and the next you're shivering -- that beginning isn't really striking me anymore.

Last week was a busy one. I spent Monday, which was the fifth anniversary of my mom's death, going along on the school's field trip to the zoo. No, it would not have been my activity of choice. Me going along meant my kindergartener could go too, so there I was. It was a long day. A georgous, sunny one I might add, so there was that.

Personally, I think these

two were cuter

than any animals we saw...

I'm not sure why the rest of the week felt so harried. Wait, maybe that was a lie. Isaac's graduation Friday night was the main focus and there were several trips to town and lots of praying over layer cakes in association with that event. I'm not sure why the whole process brought out every single insecurity in me (and there are a lot) but the whole week was just rough. I decided later that grief probably had more to do with it than I realized... sneaky old thing that runs along under the surface, waiting to sabotage your life when you least expect it!

Gathering pictures

sorta started all the tears...

I was worried about making the cakes, 

then it dawned on me that I somehow

have to get the things to the

 church in one piece!

They don't call me creative for nothing. 

They still needed some help

upon arrival but

they were in one piece. 

We would never miss

The opportunity to play a game...

These two are a pair. 

I'm glad they got to graduate together. 

They both finished twelve grades

in eleven years...

Charles could hardly contain himself watching Isaac open the gift from him!

When I finally fell into bed at 12:30 a.m. after the event was over and the remains cleaned up and toted home, I kept seeing my son standing up there in front of the crowd delivering his speech.

(The speech that he finally 

sat down and wrote a few meager

notes for about 15 minutes

before graduation...)

(The speech that his little brother 

obliviously slept through...)

I was so proud of him, so proud. At the same time? At the same time I was so humbled, so very very humbled. Maybe no one else listening that night knows it, but this mother is keenly aware that any good thing in that young man standing there Friday night comes straight from the grace of God. Only the grace of God could cover my faults and failures and shortcomings as a parent; only God could woo and call and shape in spite of, and I cry tears of thankfulness again every time I think of it.

For some mothers, their child's first day of school is the hardest thing they can imagine putting their mother heart through. For me, my oldest graduating has to be the most emotional, heart wringing event I've experienced as a mom... so far. I didn't really expect it to be that way, so who knows what will hit me next?

All these years of school have felt somewhat safe; predictable; routine. Suddenly the future is wide open and that's my child, a piece of my heart, going out there to face the world and all it's harsh, uncertain, uncharted realities. Becoming a parent and taking on the weight of responsibility for another human is a scary and sobering thing. Watching your child on the cusp of the real world and trusting them to handle the responsibility themself? That's a whole different kind of weight, in my opinion.

But, the future comes by days and hours, not years. I have no doubt the God of grace, who was able to cover so much in the past 17 years, is fully capable of handling the next ones as well.

So here's to the future and a new stage of life. Here's to my oldest who has grown into a kind, dependable, level-headed young man of integrity and character .... with a side of wit, and a dash of teasing and an insatiable love for magic and games. Here's to us moms who's hearts melt into a tangled mess of pride and humility and tears. May the Amazing Grace of our Father cover us all. Amen.

PS. This is how we all

felt over the weekend...

PPS. And this is how I feel

about this chilly morning

and my last days of peace and

quiet before summer vacation. 

Happy Tuesday!