#16: Marriage is not about figuring out who is right or wrong, it is about "we are a team".
I don't know if it's true that in every marriage one partner usually feels like they're always wrong; I think it might be. All I know is, in our marriage I am that person. Anytime there's a disagreement or a misunderstanding, I tend to immediately make it about who is right and who is wrong.
One day, in the middle of a big, frustrating go around, Chris explained to me, "When we are discussing something like this, to me it's not about who is right or wrong, it's about understanding each other."
"Really?? To me it feels like you are just out to prove you are right - and you can always prove you're right because you are more analytical and articulate than I am!"
But he insisted that's not what his goal is and I started trying to wrap my brain around the difference that knowledge could make. Then, one day we listened to the video about The Four Countries. I pegged him wrong on that to start with but once he set me straight and we started talking about the countries we're from -- light bulbs!
You see, Chris is from Perfect Country. The people in Perfect Country are all about getting it right. They are about truth and logic. It doesn't matter so much to them if people think they are right, as it does that the truth marches on. If they love someone, they show it by trying to help that person get it right.
I, on the other hand, am from the Country Of Peace. If there is anything that makes me shut down, it is someone trying to help me get it right. My immediate reaction is, "I'm so stupid. I always mess up. What's the point of trying, I'll just forget again."
Isn't it amazing how different people come at life from such different angles?
As husband and wife, we're on the same team, working toward the same goals. The more we can learn to understand each other, the better we can be at our game. In baseball, the pitcher's spot is quite different from the guy in left field. To play a good game, we need them both. Yes, the pitcher might give the guy in left field some tips and the first baseman might critique the pitcher. But it's never about "I am right and you are wrong". It's really all about, "Let's win this game!"
"He that is faithful in that which is least is faithful also in much..." Luke 16:10
Friday, June 29, 2018
Wednesday, June 27, 2018
17 Things From 17 Years: Post 15
#15: Seasons come and go; the baby won't settle at 11 p.m. forever.
This one sounds so completely cliche, I hardly even know what to say about it. We hear the 'they'll be grown up before you know it' lines so often, it's hard to know if they are even helpful. As a young, sleep deprived mom, I mostly just wanted to smack the people who said those things anyway. Smack them and roll my eyes with a sarcastic, "Oh, I'll know it all right!"
Every stage of life has it's pros and it's cons, it's hard and easy things, it's times of fun and frustration. In the scheme of things, none of the stages last very long.
Thedays years of getting up multiple times a night will end (with my youngest, I was sure I would be the first mom still rocking my child to sleep at 16 but lo! I was wrong.) Those hectic Sunday mornings, getting everyone fed and clothed and combed with your own two hands? They end. So do the games of peek-a-boo and the cute things toddlers say. The chubby, baby feet disappear and the little heads no longer nestle up against your neck. One day there are no longer multiple heads of hair to be braided and no one needs help with their buttons. In fact, one day there might not be anyone in the house but you and your husband.
Before you go find the Kleenex or fling out your sarcastic remark, here's all I'm saying.
Realizing these things don't last forever doesn't mean you'll never feel exhausted or overwhelmed. It doesn't mean you won't long for a full night of sleep and a long, hot shower without anyone crying outside the bathroom door. It doesn't mean the first day of school won't be hard and the very thought of them all growing up won't dissolve you into tears. It just means that you'll live your life in the big picture.
It means you'll cry tears of exhaustion into your pillow at night but you'll search for the good moments like gold. You'll fall on your knees, begging God for wisdom and you'll jot down all the hilarious things that they say. You'll despair over them ever getting through the day without a squabble and you'll treasure the cuddles and I love yous. You'll worry that you've completely messed up and you'll delight in having them come to you with their struggle.
Realizing the baby won't settle at 11 p.m. forever just means I'll try to embrace it all; this stage, that stage and then the next one.
And, someday when I find myself with no one needing my help and the house all clean and quiet, hopefully I'll wipe my eyes and say, "Hey darling! How about ice cream at bed time without worrying some kid will see us? Shall we run off for the weekend and do something fun? It'll only take me two shakes to get ready!"
This one sounds so completely cliche, I hardly even know what to say about it. We hear the 'they'll be grown up before you know it' lines so often, it's hard to know if they are even helpful. As a young, sleep deprived mom, I mostly just wanted to smack the people who said those things anyway. Smack them and roll my eyes with a sarcastic, "Oh, I'll know it all right!"
Every stage of life has it's pros and it's cons, it's hard and easy things, it's times of fun and frustration. In the scheme of things, none of the stages last very long.
The
Before you go find the Kleenex or fling out your sarcastic remark, here's all I'm saying.
Realizing these things don't last forever doesn't mean you'll never feel exhausted or overwhelmed. It doesn't mean you won't long for a full night of sleep and a long, hot shower without anyone crying outside the bathroom door. It doesn't mean the first day of school won't be hard and the very thought of them all growing up won't dissolve you into tears. It just means that you'll live your life in the big picture.
It means you'll cry tears of exhaustion into your pillow at night but you'll search for the good moments like gold. You'll fall on your knees, begging God for wisdom and you'll jot down all the hilarious things that they say. You'll despair over them ever getting through the day without a squabble and you'll treasure the cuddles and I love yous. You'll worry that you've completely messed up and you'll delight in having them come to you with their struggle.
Realizing the baby won't settle at 11 p.m. forever just means I'll try to embrace it all; this stage, that stage and then the next one.
And, someday when I find myself with no one needing my help and the house all clean and quiet, hopefully I'll wipe my eyes and say, "Hey darling! How about ice cream at bed time without worrying some kid will see us? Shall we run off for the weekend and do something fun? It'll only take me two shakes to get ready!"
Monday, June 25, 2018
17 Things From 17 Years: Post 14
#14: Standing behind my children's father is one of the most important things I can ever do.
Being a mom - at least in my world - means caring for my children 24/7. This boils down to mom being the chief diaper changer, food provider, mess cleaner upper, quarrel disolver, problem solver, question answerer, discipline administerer... etcetera and so forth. And while I'm always wishing to hand my responsibilities over to dad, it's awfully easy to come across like I have a corner on child rearing.
"That's not the way I would change a diaper" and "that's not the way she likes to be held to go to sleep". "He always does that when he's hungry" and "don't feed him that, he'll get a tummy ache!" "How do you make such a mess to give one little bath?" "You rinsed her hair like that?"
But oh, the worst.
The worst is when I contradict the father in front of our children.
"She didn't even do that. It was actually him that took the toy away from her!" "Did you have to say it like that? You made her feel terrible!" "Does it really matter if they don't go straight to bed when they go to their rooms?" "It really doesn't matter to me if he bangs his hammer on that chair."
If you want a happy home, if you want children who are respectful and obedient, you gotta stand behind the dad, mom. You just gotta.
The daddy loves his baby just as much as you do and his way of putting them to sleep might work even better than yours! Let dad try his way, it probably won't hurt anybody. God gave men instincts too, they're just different from ours. Different, but not necessarily wrong.
Hear me correctly on this. I'm not saying your tongue must be permanently bit and you should never speak up. It's not always wrong to contradict your children's father, but it's usually wrong to do it in front of your children. Unless you can say it in a kind, respectful way, you are almost always better off voicing your cautions/concerns/opinions in another room or after listening ears are elsewhere.
There is a marked difference between a quiet, "I think he was actually the one who took the toy but I may be wrong." And a forceful, "He's not even the one who did that, why are you punishing him?"
When the tables are turned, I know how much it means to have dad stand solidly behind me when I'm doling out a punishment. I also know how badly it hurts when my discipline is publicly downplayed or my lecture openly questioned.
If you are married to a man who loves the Lord and your children, a respectful discussion in private is far more likely to produce apologies, forgiveness and good relationships than an open confrontation, which is likely to cause anger, hurt and disrespect. How do I know? Because I've responded both ways.
It is hard sometimes, when you're so sure you know better, to keep your mouth shut. Trust me, I know. And I fail at this one too often. But it's worth it.
Being a mom - at least in my world - means caring for my children 24/7. This boils down to mom being the chief diaper changer, food provider, mess cleaner upper, quarrel disolver, problem solver, question answerer, discipline administerer... etcetera and so forth. And while I'm always wishing to hand my responsibilities over to dad, it's awfully easy to come across like I have a corner on child rearing.
"That's not the way I would change a diaper" and "that's not the way she likes to be held to go to sleep". "He always does that when he's hungry" and "don't feed him that, he'll get a tummy ache!" "How do you make such a mess to give one little bath?" "You rinsed her hair like that?"
But oh, the worst.
The worst is when I contradict the father in front of our children.
"She didn't even do that. It was actually him that took the toy away from her!" "Did you have to say it like that? You made her feel terrible!" "Does it really matter if they don't go straight to bed when they go to their rooms?" "It really doesn't matter to me if he bangs his hammer on that chair."
If you want a happy home, if you want children who are respectful and obedient, you gotta stand behind the dad, mom. You just gotta.
The daddy loves his baby just as much as you do and his way of putting them to sleep might work even better than yours! Let dad try his way, it probably won't hurt anybody. God gave men instincts too, they're just different from ours. Different, but not necessarily wrong.
Hear me correctly on this. I'm not saying your tongue must be permanently bit and you should never speak up. It's not always wrong to contradict your children's father, but it's usually wrong to do it in front of your children. Unless you can say it in a kind, respectful way, you are almost always better off voicing your cautions/concerns/opinions in another room or after listening ears are elsewhere.
There is a marked difference between a quiet, "I think he was actually the one who took the toy but I may be wrong." And a forceful, "He's not even the one who did that, why are you punishing him?"
When the tables are turned, I know how much it means to have dad stand solidly behind me when I'm doling out a punishment. I also know how badly it hurts when my discipline is publicly downplayed or my lecture openly questioned.
If you are married to a man who loves the Lord and your children, a respectful discussion in private is far more likely to produce apologies, forgiveness and good relationships than an open confrontation, which is likely to cause anger, hurt and disrespect. How do I know? Because I've responded both ways.
It is hard sometimes, when you're so sure you know better, to keep your mouth shut. Trust me, I know. And I fail at this one too often. But it's worth it.
Friday, June 22, 2018
17 Things From 17 Years: Post 13
#13: Becoming parents is one of the most redemptive things a person can ever experience.
One day, two starry-eyed individuals holding high ideals and lofty dreams join hands in marriage. Their future is bright with hope and the abilities of all their young knowledge. They dream of children and a family and, for many of them, those dreams become reality. The children come.
Long before their actual physical arrival, the redemptive process is begun. Their invisible presence brings swift change. It brings nausea and tears and moodiness and weariness and an upheaval of everything you had begun to know. As their presence becomes more visible, it brings aches and pains, inability to sleep, discomfort, fear of the unknown, worry, anxiousness and endless entertainment and the stirring of deep love. Those flutters, those kicks, those hiccups, those somersaults; they wrap us around tiny fingers.
And then, they come. They come, and they re-arrange your body, and your feelings, and your emotions, and your time and your sleep, and your energy, and your schedule and your ideals and your pursuits and your goals and your house.
They come, and they reveal shocking things about your levels of humility and selfishness and anger and mercy and creativity and frustration and embarrassment and patience and forgiveness and pride and endurance and flexibility and wisdom.
They come, and they wreck your ideas of perfection -- a clean house, well kept flowerbeds, a tidy schedule, a flourishing garden, a relaxing shopping trip, full nights of sleep, cheerfully eaten meals, pristine white walls, time with your partner, time for yourself...
And then, they turn around and teach you the things of importance -- slobbery kisses, sweet smiles at 2 a.m., long lashes on soft cheeks, chubby toes in rippling water, sticky fingers clasping your neck, shiny eyes over a story read, tears stopped with a kiss and a cuddle, whispered "I wuv yous", tearful "I'm sorrys", hearfelt "thank yous", hilarious drawings in heart melting notes, late night talks, salvation prayers, struggles shared, obedience observed......
They come, and they change you. If you allow it, they serve to redeem.
One day, two starry-eyed individuals holding high ideals and lofty dreams join hands in marriage. Their future is bright with hope and the abilities of all their young knowledge. They dream of children and a family and, for many of them, those dreams become reality. The children come.
Long before their actual physical arrival, the redemptive process is begun. Their invisible presence brings swift change. It brings nausea and tears and moodiness and weariness and an upheaval of everything you had begun to know. As their presence becomes more visible, it brings aches and pains, inability to sleep, discomfort, fear of the unknown, worry, anxiousness and endless entertainment and the stirring of deep love. Those flutters, those kicks, those hiccups, those somersaults; they wrap us around tiny fingers.
And then, they come. They come, and they re-arrange your body, and your feelings, and your emotions, and your time and your sleep, and your energy, and your schedule and your ideals and your pursuits and your goals and your house.
They come, and they reveal shocking things about your levels of humility and selfishness and anger and mercy and creativity and frustration and embarrassment and patience and forgiveness and pride and endurance and flexibility and wisdom.
They come, and they wreck your ideas of perfection -- a clean house, well kept flowerbeds, a tidy schedule, a flourishing garden, a relaxing shopping trip, full nights of sleep, cheerfully eaten meals, pristine white walls, time with your partner, time for yourself...
And then, they turn around and teach you the things of importance -- slobbery kisses, sweet smiles at 2 a.m., long lashes on soft cheeks, chubby toes in rippling water, sticky fingers clasping your neck, shiny eyes over a story read, tears stopped with a kiss and a cuddle, whispered "I wuv yous", tearful "I'm sorrys", hearfelt "thank yous", hilarious drawings in heart melting notes, late night talks, salvation prayers, struggles shared, obedience observed......
They come, and they change you. If you allow it, they serve to redeem.
Wednesday, June 20, 2018
17 Things From 17 Years: Post 12
#12: Loving through "sickness and health, prosperity and adversity" is where deep relationships grow.
Sometimes, when life is rolling along smoothly and there are no misunderstandings, no issues to work through, no major stresses happening, no life - changing events going on, I look at my marriage and think how wonderful it is. It's easy to wish that life could always stay that way.
Interesting thing is, looking back on 17 years of marriage, I can plainly see where the most growth in our marriage has happened. You guessed it. It wasn't when life was rolling along smoothly.
We've had some hard years. I hesitate to even say that. Compared to many other's 'hard', the things I'm talking about are almost nothing at all. But to me they were difficult, to the point that it's been hard to even look back at them sometimes. Part of that is wishing I could go back and do things differently; learn more quickly. But part of it is just plain not ever wanting to live through those things again.
And yet, sitting here looking back -- letting the tears fill my eyes and remembering -- I realize that those very experiences are where our marriage grew the most. If life had always rolled along smoothly, our roots would probably still be spindly little webs, reaching barely below the surface. As it is, our roots have stretched deep and become so intertwined and strong that even when the stresses and the issues come, there is a deep assurance that neither of us is going anywhere and that our commitment to God and each other will see us through.
Sometimes, when life is rolling along smoothly and there are no misunderstandings, no issues to work through, no major stresses happening, no life - changing events going on, I look at my marriage and think how wonderful it is. It's easy to wish that life could always stay that way.
Interesting thing is, looking back on 17 years of marriage, I can plainly see where the most growth in our marriage has happened. You guessed it. It wasn't when life was rolling along smoothly.
We've had some hard years. I hesitate to even say that. Compared to many other's 'hard', the things I'm talking about are almost nothing at all. But to me they were difficult, to the point that it's been hard to even look back at them sometimes. Part of that is wishing I could go back and do things differently; learn more quickly. But part of it is just plain not ever wanting to live through those things again.
And yet, sitting here looking back -- letting the tears fill my eyes and remembering -- I realize that those very experiences are where our marriage grew the most. If life had always rolled along smoothly, our roots would probably still be spindly little webs, reaching barely below the surface. As it is, our roots have stretched deep and become so intertwined and strong that even when the stresses and the issues come, there is a deep assurance that neither of us is going anywhere and that our commitment to God and each other will see us through.
Monday, June 18, 2018
17 Things From 17 Years: Post 11
#11: Be flexible or be miserable.
This one is probably not something that will apply to all wives. Not all of you are married to men who like to plan things spur of the moment and who hate to set anything in stone. But I am. And this quote is perfection.
Long, long ago in the nursing baby, toddler potty training, diaper bag schlepping days, I somehowembraced tried to imbrace the importance of being flexible. I'm so glad I did.
Chris was a small business owner back then, building and installing kitchen countertops in all manner of kitchens. I have so many good memories of dragging my little kiddos out to the job. Chris loved to have us there to help him clean up or to give him an extra set of hands or to just keep him company.
Sometimes the houses were new ones and we had the place to ourselves to run around and play Hide and Seek or I Spy. Other times we met the owners who gave our children chocolate chip cookies or sent home vintage toys or boxes of multi colored dominoes they still play with today. I remember one dear old lady who played Uno with my little tots. There were a few customers we made friends with and went back to visit long after their countertops were completed.
It wasn't that taking down directions to an obscure place, loading everyone up and keeping them happy throughout the process was always easy or convenient. I had my days when I drug my feet or grouched my way through. Sometimes I had to say no, I just can't do it today. But I'm so glad for all the times I dropped everything and went.
You never know how much time you have left to spend with each other. Sure, his spur of the moment, decide-as-you-go stuff annoys me sometimes. I learned long, long ago that you don't ever tell your children any plans until the last minute. Sure as you tell them earlier, plans will change and you'll be left dealing with disappointed kiddos. But it's always worth dropping my plans in order to spend time together. No one ever got to the end of their lives and wished they wouldn't have spent so much time with their loved ones.
So,yes. Seventeen years of marriage has changed me quite a lot in the flexibility department. You never know when you might get a call asking "Can you go pick up some tires and bring them to the shop?" or "Be ready to go out for supper when I get home!" It keeps life interesting and it sure isn't worth being miserable about.
This one is probably not something that will apply to all wives. Not all of you are married to men who like to plan things spur of the moment and who hate to set anything in stone. But I am. And this quote is perfection.
Long, long ago in the nursing baby, toddler potty training, diaper bag schlepping days, I somehow
Chris was a small business owner back then, building and installing kitchen countertops in all manner of kitchens. I have so many good memories of dragging my little kiddos out to the job. Chris loved to have us there to help him clean up or to give him an extra set of hands or to just keep him company.
Sometimes the houses were new ones and we had the place to ourselves to run around and play Hide and Seek or I Spy. Other times we met the owners who gave our children chocolate chip cookies or sent home vintage toys or boxes of multi colored dominoes they still play with today. I remember one dear old lady who played Uno with my little tots. There were a few customers we made friends with and went back to visit long after their countertops were completed.
It wasn't that taking down directions to an obscure place, loading everyone up and keeping them happy throughout the process was always easy or convenient. I had my days when I drug my feet or grouched my way through. Sometimes I had to say no, I just can't do it today. But I'm so glad for all the times I dropped everything and went.
You never know how much time you have left to spend with each other. Sure, his spur of the moment, decide-as-you-go stuff annoys me sometimes. I learned long, long ago that you don't ever tell your children any plans until the last minute. Sure as you tell them earlier, plans will change and you'll be left dealing with disappointed kiddos. But it's always worth dropping my plans in order to spend time together. No one ever got to the end of their lives and wished they wouldn't have spent so much time with their loved ones.
So,yes. Seventeen years of marriage has changed me quite a lot in the flexibility department. You never know when you might get a call asking "Can you go pick up some tires and bring them to the shop?" or "Be ready to go out for supper when I get home!" It keeps life interesting and it sure isn't worth being miserable about.
Friday, June 15, 2018
17 Things From 17 Years: Post 10
#9: Giving my body to my husband means more than I will ever understand.
Intimacy in marriage is sacred; it is not something to go around blabbing about lightly, I understand that. On the other hand, it is also a vital part of marriage; a special element created by God to provide endless layers of beauty and amazement. I can't help but think that makes it an important thing to talk about!
The question is, how to talk about it and what to say and leave unsaid? Because I don't know the answers to those questions, I will keep this very brief and simple.
As a rule, men are born with a substantially higher sex drive than women. This is a well known, well documented fact. Sadly, modern American society has begun characterizing a man's need for sex as a bad thing. Men in America today are portrayed as lust filled sex addicts who are out of control. The truth is, men were created with a desire for sex in the same way that women were created with a desire for love. To a man, his wife's love is spelled S E X.
As I have slowly begun to grasp this concept, I've also come to recognize another fact. To my husband, intimacy is so much more than the act itself. God created men with an inborn desire to conquer, protect, provide, achieve. When I give my body to my husband and allow him to love me physically, to take possesion of my entire being and to become one with me, it does something for him deep inside. My willingness to give myself to him empowers him to love me in fierce, undying, beautiful ways.
Every time that I lay down my stress, my moods, my weariness, my frustration, my tense listening for children, my selfishness... The gift that I give to my husband and my marriage is of far greater value than I can begin to measure. For it is in giving, that we receive.
Intimacy in marriage is sacred; it is not something to go around blabbing about lightly, I understand that. On the other hand, it is also a vital part of marriage; a special element created by God to provide endless layers of beauty and amazement. I can't help but think that makes it an important thing to talk about!
The question is, how to talk about it and what to say and leave unsaid? Because I don't know the answers to those questions, I will keep this very brief and simple.
As a rule, men are born with a substantially higher sex drive than women. This is a well known, well documented fact. Sadly, modern American society has begun characterizing a man's need for sex as a bad thing. Men in America today are portrayed as lust filled sex addicts who are out of control. The truth is, men were created with a desire for sex in the same way that women were created with a desire for love. To a man, his wife's love is spelled S E X.
As I have slowly begun to grasp this concept, I've also come to recognize another fact. To my husband, intimacy is so much more than the act itself. God created men with an inborn desire to conquer, protect, provide, achieve. When I give my body to my husband and allow him to love me physically, to take possesion of my entire being and to become one with me, it does something for him deep inside. My willingness to give myself to him empowers him to love me in fierce, undying, beautiful ways.
Every time that I lay down my stress, my moods, my weariness, my frustration, my tense listening for children, my selfishness... The gift that I give to my husband and my marriage is of far greater value than I can begin to measure. For it is in giving, that we receive.
Thursday, June 14, 2018
17 Things From 17 Years: Post 9
#9: My husband needs down time too.
I hear a lot these days about self care for women. There's a huge push for mothers, particularly, to create time for themselves. We're encouraged to make space for doing something creative or getting away alone occasionally in order to recharge and, ultimately, be a better mom.
I get it.
Honestly, blogging is probably one of those 'self care' things for me. I do it for myself more than anything else. It gives me a place to process in writing, which is the way I process best. It gives me an outlet for some of my creativity, it's something I make time for that's just for me.
We don't usually think of men needing down time. They go to work and then get off work and come home. A man's job is not 24/7 like a mother's; now is the time for him to help her out, right?
Some men come home and hide behind the newspaper. Some have a hobby they tinker with or maybe they like to read or keep up on the sports/world news. Maybe they enjoy golfing or playing volleyball with a local team or hunting or fishing or shooting hoops with some buddies. Chris likes to play computer games.
We've had a lot of head knocking in our marriage over that issue. I was sure sometimes that he loved those games more than he loved his wife. And he probably did sometimes. For good reason. After all, computer games don't nag.
Of course, it's not just all one sided. Men can be addicted to their hobbies and their work and fail to spend the time with their wife and children that they should. For me though, my attitude was the biggest thing that needed an adjustment.
When I realized that my husband needs down time too and that sitting there, playing a game, was his way to relax and unwind after a long day, I became much more understanding. I stopped being bitter about my 'competition' and even discovered Chris loved to have me sit beside him while he relaxed. In fact, the more understanding and tolerant I am of his need for down time, the less he seems to need it.
Whether that is actually true may be debatable. Possibly it's just my focus that makes all the difference. Then again, maybe he just enjoys spending time with a wife who's not nagging.
I hear a lot these days about self care for women. There's a huge push for mothers, particularly, to create time for themselves. We're encouraged to make space for doing something creative or getting away alone occasionally in order to recharge and, ultimately, be a better mom.
I get it.
Honestly, blogging is probably one of those 'self care' things for me. I do it for myself more than anything else. It gives me a place to process in writing, which is the way I process best. It gives me an outlet for some of my creativity, it's something I make time for that's just for me.
We don't usually think of men needing down time. They go to work and then get off work and come home. A man's job is not 24/7 like a mother's; now is the time for him to help her out, right?
Some men come home and hide behind the newspaper. Some have a hobby they tinker with or maybe they like to read or keep up on the sports/world news. Maybe they enjoy golfing or playing volleyball with a local team or hunting or fishing or shooting hoops with some buddies. Chris likes to play computer games.
We've had a lot of head knocking in our marriage over that issue. I was sure sometimes that he loved those games more than he loved his wife. And he probably did sometimes. For good reason. After all, computer games don't nag.
Of course, it's not just all one sided. Men can be addicted to their hobbies and their work and fail to spend the time with their wife and children that they should. For me though, my attitude was the biggest thing that needed an adjustment.
When I realized that my husband needs down time too and that sitting there, playing a game, was his way to relax and unwind after a long day, I became much more understanding. I stopped being bitter about my 'competition' and even discovered Chris loved to have me sit beside him while he relaxed. In fact, the more understanding and tolerant I am of his need for down time, the less he seems to need it.
Whether that is actually true may be debatable. Possibly it's just my focus that makes all the difference. Then again, maybe he just enjoys spending time with a wife who's not nagging.
Wednesday, June 13, 2018
17 Things From 17 Years: Post 8
#8: Express appreciation for what your husband does. Over and over. Many times. Sincerely.
We all like to be appreciated for what we do. Children light up and go the extra mile when they are praised; a weary Mom receives new courage from a child's simple thank you or a stranger's quiet compliment. There are many stories of students who's teacher made all the difference in their lives because she praised them for what they did well. Men aren't any different.
I don't think we've been taught very well to express appreciation to our men. We get this idea that men are tough, they're not feelings oriented, they're logical and stoic; expressing appreciation isn't that important.
Wrong, wrong, wrong.
Tell him. Tell him you appreciate how he goes to work day after day to make a living, tell him how you appreciate when he offers to help, tell him how you love to see him interacting with your children, tell him you appreciate how he hangs up his towel, tell him, tell him, tell him. Tell him how much you appreciated him doing the thing you asked him plainly to do. I know you secretly think if he really loved you, you wouldn't have to ask. But you asked and he did it! He didn't have to; express your appreciation.
You want to know something? A lot of men don't want to do things for their wives because they feel like they can't ever do enough; what's the point? Translation: they don't feel appreciated.
"I can do all that stuff for her and she's not even going to appreciate it. She just expects me to do it because she thinks it's what I should be doing."
There is power in expressing appreciation. It means just as much to a man as it does to anyone else.
Tell him.
We all like to be appreciated for what we do. Children light up and go the extra mile when they are praised; a weary Mom receives new courage from a child's simple thank you or a stranger's quiet compliment. There are many stories of students who's teacher made all the difference in their lives because she praised them for what they did well. Men aren't any different.
I don't think we've been taught very well to express appreciation to our men. We get this idea that men are tough, they're not feelings oriented, they're logical and stoic; expressing appreciation isn't that important.
Wrong, wrong, wrong.
Tell him. Tell him you appreciate how he goes to work day after day to make a living, tell him how you appreciate when he offers to help, tell him how you love to see him interacting with your children, tell him you appreciate how he hangs up his towel, tell him, tell him, tell him. Tell him how much you appreciated him doing the thing you asked him plainly to do. I know you secretly think if he really loved you, you wouldn't have to ask. But you asked and he did it! He didn't have to; express your appreciation.
You want to know something? A lot of men don't want to do things for their wives because they feel like they can't ever do enough; what's the point? Translation: they don't feel appreciated.
"I can do all that stuff for her and she's not even going to appreciate it. She just expects me to do it because she thinks it's what I should be doing."
There is power in expressing appreciation. It means just as much to a man as it does to anyone else.
Tell him.
Tuesday, June 12, 2018
17 Things From 17 Years: Post 7
#7: My husband wants to be told plainly, not hinted to.
I am not a straightforward person, so maybe this one is particularly for me. But I don't think so. I think this is pretty strictly a female idea: "If my husband does something for me, it doesn't mean anything if I asked him to do it."
Know what I'm saying?
How many of you mothers with little children have gone through the rush and flurry of getting out the door on a Sunday morning thinking one frustrated thought -- "If he really cared about me; if he really loved me, he would see that I need help and offer to do something!!"
Or, how about this. It's Thursday and the grass really needs to be mowed and you know that Friday night your husband won't be at home and Saturday the chances of rain are very high and you really, really want the grass cut because you're planning to have company on Sunday. Do you sit down and explain all of that to him plainly? Or do you make a few subtle hints about everything that needs to be done before Sunday and look how tall the grass is getting already and wonder why he doesn't get it that it would be nice if he would offer to mow tonight?
Tell the man! Tell him. He cannot read your mind.
He cannot always know what restaurant you really want to go to or when you wish he would wash the dishes or which evening it would be so helpful if he would bathe the toddler or when you are reaching a breaking point and really need some alone time or that picking up his socks every morning is really making you angry or how you feel about having sex tonight.
Sometimes he will know. Sometimes he will offer to bring pizza home for supper or have the house all cleaned up when you come back from being gone or put the baby to sleep when you are exhausted or think about mowing the grass Thursday because you're getting company Sunday. But most of the time he wishes you would just tell him.
That doesn't mean that every time you just tell him, he's going to sweetly do every little thing you want. But most of the time husbands love to make their wives happy. And they love knowing how to make them happy.
How can they know how if you don't tell them?
I am not a straightforward person, so maybe this one is particularly for me. But I don't think so. I think this is pretty strictly a female idea: "If my husband does something for me, it doesn't mean anything if I asked him to do it."
Know what I'm saying?
How many of you mothers with little children have gone through the rush and flurry of getting out the door on a Sunday morning thinking one frustrated thought -- "If he really cared about me; if he really loved me, he would see that I need help and offer to do something!!"
Or, how about this. It's Thursday and the grass really needs to be mowed and you know that Friday night your husband won't be at home and Saturday the chances of rain are very high and you really, really want the grass cut because you're planning to have company on Sunday. Do you sit down and explain all of that to him plainly? Or do you make a few subtle hints about everything that needs to be done before Sunday and look how tall the grass is getting already and wonder why he doesn't get it that it would be nice if he would offer to mow tonight?
Tell the man! Tell him. He cannot read your mind.
He cannot always know what restaurant you really want to go to or when you wish he would wash the dishes or which evening it would be so helpful if he would bathe the toddler or when you are reaching a breaking point and really need some alone time or that picking up his socks every morning is really making you angry or how you feel about having sex tonight.
Sometimes he will know. Sometimes he will offer to bring pizza home for supper or have the house all cleaned up when you come back from being gone or put the baby to sleep when you are exhausted or think about mowing the grass Thursday because you're getting company Sunday. But most of the time he wishes you would just tell him.
That doesn't mean that every time you just tell him, he's going to sweetly do every little thing you want. But most of the time husbands love to make their wives happy. And they love knowing how to make them happy.
How can they know how if you don't tell them?
Monday, June 11, 2018
17 Things From 17 Years: Post 6
#6: Learning each other's love language is interesting and helpful.
In case you hadn't noticed, I'm a fan of love languages, personality tests, the four countries and the like. It's so interesting to see the differences in how people do life and I like tidy little lists that show how it works. If you're not like that, that's fine. I know it can get a little over done sometimes.
When we got married, The Five Love Languages must have been the new, hot book on the market. We were gifted at least two, if not three, copies. I enjoyed the book, so that was a good thing.
Recently, I came across an online test for not only spouses, but also children. I promptly put my whole family through the questioning process. Poor people. But it was so intriguing!
In case this is all Greek to you....
In short, the book outlines five different ways people feel loved: 1) Through Acts Of Service, 2) Through Quality Time Spent Together, 3) Through Words Of Affirmation, 4) By Receiving Gifts, 5) Through Physical Touch. It's possible that several of them make a person feel loved but most of us have one that is our main "love language".
Again, this is just another way to learn what makes the other person tick and helps me know how to live my life accordingly.
For example, gifts are at the bottom of, or next to the bottom of, both Chris and my list of love languages. That might explain why we can count on one hand the gifts we gave each other while dating. And, guess what? It also eliminates any pressure to spend lots of time and money on gifts for each other, because that's not what makes either of us feel the most loved anyway!
Also, I scored a big fat 1 on Physical Touch and Chris scored a 7 as his next to the top love language. Let's just say that might explain... many things.
Also number three. It was extremely interesting to find that Chris scores high on all but one of the love languages. I guess I can either take that to feel overwhelming -- I need to fill so many languages. Or I can take that as a bonus -- it gives me so many ways to choose from.
Also number four. It was even more interesting to note that our whole family scores very low on Receiving Gifts and high on Acts Of Service and Quality Time. Does that mean your love language is affected by how you are brought up? Because we definitely are a family who has always focused on those things. Or are gifts actually really low on all of our radar? I would have leaned toward thinking the parent's focus might affect their children but then, I have one child who's highest score is Physical Touch and that pretty much comes out of nowhere so I'm not so sure that holds true.
Ok. This is getting off subject now and getting over done. I'll stop.
Except, one more thing. The Four Countries idea is a new one for me and was extremely helpful in understanding some of the differences in our marriage. I encourage you to check out the link and then go ahead and listen to the rest of Mark Gungor's stuff on marriage. Good, good stuff!
Now I'm done.
In case you hadn't noticed, I'm a fan of love languages, personality tests, the four countries and the like. It's so interesting to see the differences in how people do life and I like tidy little lists that show how it works. If you're not like that, that's fine. I know it can get a little over done sometimes.
When we got married, The Five Love Languages must have been the new, hot book on the market. We were gifted at least two, if not three, copies. I enjoyed the book, so that was a good thing.
Recently, I came across an online test for not only spouses, but also children. I promptly put my whole family through the questioning process. Poor people. But it was so intriguing!
In case this is all Greek to you....
In short, the book outlines five different ways people feel loved: 1) Through Acts Of Service, 2) Through Quality Time Spent Together, 3) Through Words Of Affirmation, 4) By Receiving Gifts, 5) Through Physical Touch. It's possible that several of them make a person feel loved but most of us have one that is our main "love language".
Again, this is just another way to learn what makes the other person tick and helps me know how to live my life accordingly.
For example, gifts are at the bottom of, or next to the bottom of, both Chris and my list of love languages. That might explain why we can count on one hand the gifts we gave each other while dating. And, guess what? It also eliminates any pressure to spend lots of time and money on gifts for each other, because that's not what makes either of us feel the most loved anyway!
Also, I scored a big fat 1 on Physical Touch and Chris scored a 7 as his next to the top love language. Let's just say that might explain... many things.
Also number three. It was extremely interesting to find that Chris scores high on all but one of the love languages. I guess I can either take that to feel overwhelming -- I need to fill so many languages. Or I can take that as a bonus -- it gives me so many ways to choose from.
Also number four. It was even more interesting to note that our whole family scores very low on Receiving Gifts and high on Acts Of Service and Quality Time. Does that mean your love language is affected by how you are brought up? Because we definitely are a family who has always focused on those things. Or are gifts actually really low on all of our radar? I would have leaned toward thinking the parent's focus might affect their children but then, I have one child who's highest score is Physical Touch and that pretty much comes out of nowhere so I'm not so sure that holds true.
Ok. This is getting off subject now and getting over done. I'll stop.
Except, one more thing. The Four Countries idea is a new one for me and was extremely helpful in understanding some of the differences in our marriage. I encourage you to check out the link and then go ahead and listen to the rest of Mark Gungor's stuff on marriage. Good, good stuff!
Now I'm done.
Friday, June 8, 2018
17 Things From 17 Years: Post 5
#5: Respect is the most important language a wife can learn.
I've written before how eye opening and life changing the book Love And Respect by Emerson Eggerichs has been for me. It's hard to corral all my thoughts on this subject into a concise, little blog post.
Respect is not a woman's mother tongue; it will not just come naturally. For a long time I struggled with the respect thing because I didn't know how. I couldn't even recognize when I did things that were disrespectful, so how could I learn to speak the language? I remember praying, "God, would you please show me? Please teach me?"
I am still learning.
One of the things that has probably helped me the most is learning to believe that if my husband says something felt disrespectful, than it was. It's easy to just argue "I didn't mean it that way!" I probably didn't. But that doesn't change the fact that it felt that way to him. If I don't acknowledge and believe how it felt to him, how am I ever going to learn his language?
Treating my husband with respect means learning what makes him feel respected, not doing what I think is respectful.
Around the time that I begged God to teach me how to respect, I kept a 'respect journal' for awhile. Every day I would write down anytime I was reminded to act respectfully and did it or anytime I did not act respectfully and realized it later. I think that exercise helped me a lot in gaining awareness of what respect really looks like to my husband.
These days respect is still not my mother tongue. But it's a much more familiar second language! I still don't always speak it fluently or eloquently but I am much more quick to realize my mistakes and try to correct them. That's how you learn.
I've written before how eye opening and life changing the book Love And Respect by Emerson Eggerichs has been for me. It's hard to corral all my thoughts on this subject into a concise, little blog post.
Respect is not a woman's mother tongue; it will not just come naturally. For a long time I struggled with the respect thing because I didn't know how. I couldn't even recognize when I did things that were disrespectful, so how could I learn to speak the language? I remember praying, "God, would you please show me? Please teach me?"
I am still learning.
One of the things that has probably helped me the most is learning to believe that if my husband says something felt disrespectful, than it was. It's easy to just argue "I didn't mean it that way!" I probably didn't. But that doesn't change the fact that it felt that way to him. If I don't acknowledge and believe how it felt to him, how am I ever going to learn his language?
Treating my husband with respect means learning what makes him feel respected, not doing what I think is respectful.
Around the time that I begged God to teach me how to respect, I kept a 'respect journal' for awhile. Every day I would write down anytime I was reminded to act respectfully and did it or anytime I did not act respectfully and realized it later. I think that exercise helped me a lot in gaining awareness of what respect really looks like to my husband.
These days respect is still not my mother tongue. But it's a much more familiar second language! I still don't always speak it fluently or eloquently but I am much more quick to realize my mistakes and try to correct them. That's how you learn.
Thursday, June 7, 2018
17 Things From 17 Years: Post 4
#4: Men and women really do think differently, act differently, speak differently; they speak different languages. Live like you believe it.
We all know this; we've heard it since forever -- Men Are Like Waffles, Women Are Like Spaghetti; Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus; The Love She Most Desires, The Respect He Desperately Needs ... Right off the top of your head you can think of a stack of books on the subject and that's not even scratching the surface.
How many couples actually live like they believe it?
I'm not your bright and shining example of this. In the book Love And Respect, Emerson Eggerichs talks about men and women seeing, hearing and speaking in different colors. I confess that far too often I revert back to doing life through my pink lenses. In the heat of a moment, I forget to stop and think, "Oh, wait. He has blue hearing aids and he really is hearing disrespect, no matter how much I honestly did not mean it that way."
If I believe something, it changes the way I live.
Last fall, at church camping, our four year old wandered off and got lost. It was a terrifying experience; one that I still can't think about for too long. Before that happened, I would have never thought that he would do that. I would have said I didn't think he was that type. Now? You better believe I've kept a close tab on that child ever since. Belief makes all the difference.
We're not going to change the differences in men and women's thinking; we were made that way for a reason. But we can learn about the differences, believe that they're true and then adjust the way we relate accordingly.
Again, I'm not your poster child for this. Chris is my shining example in this area and I've learned a lot from him! I didn't realize it at first, but at least half of the rest of my posts are directly related to this whole idea. It's so, so important in a marriage.
We all know this; we've heard it since forever -- Men Are Like Waffles, Women Are Like Spaghetti; Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus; The Love She Most Desires, The Respect He Desperately Needs ... Right off the top of your head you can think of a stack of books on the subject and that's not even scratching the surface.
How many couples actually live like they believe it?
I'm not your bright and shining example of this. In the book Love And Respect, Emerson Eggerichs talks about men and women seeing, hearing and speaking in different colors. I confess that far too often I revert back to doing life through my pink lenses. In the heat of a moment, I forget to stop and think, "Oh, wait. He has blue hearing aids and he really is hearing disrespect, no matter how much I honestly did not mean it that way."
If I believe something, it changes the way I live.
Last fall, at church camping, our four year old wandered off and got lost. It was a terrifying experience; one that I still can't think about for too long. Before that happened, I would have never thought that he would do that. I would have said I didn't think he was that type. Now? You better believe I've kept a close tab on that child ever since. Belief makes all the difference.
We're not going to change the differences in men and women's thinking; we were made that way for a reason. But we can learn about the differences, believe that they're true and then adjust the way we relate accordingly.
Again, I'm not your poster child for this. Chris is my shining example in this area and I've learned a lot from him! I didn't realize it at first, but at least half of the rest of my posts are directly related to this whole idea. It's so, so important in a marriage.
Tuesday, June 5, 2018
17 Things From 17 Years: Post 3
#3. The indescribable feeling that this person completes me.
I remember the first time I felt incomplete without Chris, and it was actually before we were married.
Chris and I dated for nearly two years. For the last half of that time, I lived in Virginia, volunteering at a home for mentally handicapped children. Long before my year of service was up, we were engaged, planning a wedding and Chris was threatening 'honorable' ways to get me discharged early. He was also nearly putting his mother through the roof over his daily phone calls. (Does the payphone make sense now?)
Near the end of my term, six of us staff took a group of residents on a PR trip. I don't remember the exact amount of time we were gone, at least a week. But I do remember the feeling of something being missing because I couldn't share it with Chris. I hadn't realized how much those daily phone calls had become a part of my life nor how much the man himself had begun to complete me. The experience of traveling and giving programs was rich, memorable and enjoyable but not nearly as much so without him to share it with. The late night phone call when our group finally stopped at my home place was definitely a much looked forward to one.
Of course, that feeling has only deepened and grown in the 17 years we've been married. Eventually your partner becomes as much a part of you as your right hand and completes your abilities and very life as much as having two feet. It's hard to describe the feeling of another person completing you and even harder to imagine doing life without them and I certainly wouldn't want it any other way.
I remember the first time I felt incomplete without Chris, and it was actually before we were married.
Chris and I dated for nearly two years. For the last half of that time, I lived in Virginia, volunteering at a home for mentally handicapped children. Long before my year of service was up, we were engaged, planning a wedding and Chris was threatening 'honorable' ways to get me discharged early. He was also nearly putting his mother through the roof over his daily phone calls. (Does the payphone make sense now?)
Near the end of my term, six of us staff took a group of residents on a PR trip. I don't remember the exact amount of time we were gone, at least a week. But I do remember the feeling of something being missing because I couldn't share it with Chris. I hadn't realized how much those daily phone calls had become a part of my life nor how much the man himself had begun to complete me. The experience of traveling and giving programs was rich, memorable and enjoyable but not nearly as much so without him to share it with. The late night phone call when our group finally stopped at my home place was definitely a much looked forward to one.
Of course, that feeling has only deepened and grown in the 17 years we've been married. Eventually your partner becomes as much a part of you as your right hand and completes your abilities and very life as much as having two feet. It's hard to describe the feeling of another person completing you and even harder to imagine doing life without them and I certainly wouldn't want it any other way.
17 Things From 17 Years: Post 2
#2: There are some things we will never agree on. Agree to disagree or come up with an agreeable compromise.
Chris and I agree on a lot of things. I would venture to say we agree on more things now than we did 17 years ago. But there are some things we will probably never quite agree on.
This is maybe a small thing, but for example, food.
I grew up in a family where the children were required to eat a little bit of everything prepared; and my mom liked to prepare a wide variety. We tried salad and squash and okra and lima beans and sour kraut and poke greens... I still think it was good for us.
My husband, on the other hand, grew up in a family that ate main dish and vegetables and that was about it. They weren't required to try odd things, but then again, there weren't very many odd things to try because that isn't what their mother prepared.
I like to say my husband isn't a picky eater, he just doesn't like anything unusual. This includes any kind of casserole with many different things mixed together, any salad that is not just lettuce, meat, eggs and cheese, and absolutely nothing that includes mayonnaise or chunks of onion and celery.
Early in our marriage we made a compromise. Our children would be required to eat main dish and vegetables, but other things would be optional.
I confess that I struggled with that compromise sometimes. Mostly I struggled when we were eating with others, like my mom, who believed tasting everything was included in the Bible somewhere. But fighting over the issue just wasn't worth it. What would I have gained? I really don't think the little I may have gained in the diversity of my children's diets would have been worth the strain on our relationship.
And, 17 years in I must admit, people's stomachs are just different. Celery and mayonnaise do actually make my husband's stomach upset and, honestly, I still don't like cantaloupe, no matter how many times I've tried it.
Chris and I agree on a lot of things. I would venture to say we agree on more things now than we did 17 years ago. But there are some things we will probably never quite agree on.
This is maybe a small thing, but for example, food.
I grew up in a family where the children were required to eat a little bit of everything prepared; and my mom liked to prepare a wide variety. We tried salad and squash and okra and lima beans and sour kraut and poke greens... I still think it was good for us.
My husband, on the other hand, grew up in a family that ate main dish and vegetables and that was about it. They weren't required to try odd things, but then again, there weren't very many odd things to try because that isn't what their mother prepared.
I like to say my husband isn't a picky eater, he just doesn't like anything unusual. This includes any kind of casserole with many different things mixed together, any salad that is not just lettuce, meat, eggs and cheese, and absolutely nothing that includes mayonnaise or chunks of onion and celery.
Early in our marriage we made a compromise. Our children would be required to eat main dish and vegetables, but other things would be optional.
I confess that I struggled with that compromise sometimes. Mostly I struggled when we were eating with others, like my mom, who believed tasting everything was included in the Bible somewhere. But fighting over the issue just wasn't worth it. What would I have gained? I really don't think the little I may have gained in the diversity of my children's diets would have been worth the strain on our relationship.
And, 17 years in I must admit, people's stomachs are just different. Celery and mayonnaise do actually make my husband's stomach upset and, honestly, I still don't like cantaloupe, no matter how many times I've tried it.
Monday, June 4, 2018
17 Things From 17 Years: Post 1
#1: Never stop saying I love you and giving a good-bye and welcome home kiss.
The very first day my brand new husband went off to his brand new job, he began a tradition. After saying "I love you" and kissing me good-bye, he went out to his vehicle. Then, he turned around and came back in for one more kiss.
I could probably count on one hand the days he hasn't kept up his tradition since. It doesn't matter where we've lived, what the weather is doing or what time it is. When he goes out the door, I can count on him re-appearing at least once for one last kiss.
Except for that one day when our oldest was little and I told him, "Don't come back in. So often when you come back, the baby wakes up and I just want him to sleep longer!"
I changed my mind quickly.
The very next morning I said, "Please come back in. That felt completely wrong yesterday. I'd much rather have another kiss than to have the baby sleep a little longer!"
In the evening when he comes home from work, it's rare that I don't take a moment to greet him with a welcome home kiss.
These little actions may seem small and insignificant in some ways. But 17 years of marriage have taught me it's often the little things that provide the strongest glue in a relationship. Saying "I love you" and knowing that second -- and sometimes third or fourth -- kiss is coming in the morning, and taking a moment to greet my man when he comes home at night is one small way we keep the stars shining in our eyes.
The very first day my brand new husband went off to his brand new job, he began a tradition. After saying "I love you" and kissing me good-bye, he went out to his vehicle. Then, he turned around and came back in for one more kiss.
I could probably count on one hand the days he hasn't kept up his tradition since. It doesn't matter where we've lived, what the weather is doing or what time it is. When he goes out the door, I can count on him re-appearing at least once for one last kiss.
Except for that one day when our oldest was little and I told him, "Don't come back in. So often when you come back, the baby wakes up and I just want him to sleep longer!"
I changed my mind quickly.
The very next morning I said, "Please come back in. That felt completely wrong yesterday. I'd much rather have another kiss than to have the baby sleep a little longer!"
In the evening when he comes home from work, it's rare that I don't take a moment to greet him with a welcome home kiss.
These little actions may seem small and insignificant in some ways. But 17 years of marriage have taught me it's often the little things that provide the strongest glue in a relationship. Saying "I love you" and knowing that second -- and sometimes third or fourth -- kiss is coming in the morning, and taking a moment to greet my man when he comes home at night is one small way we keep the stars shining in our eyes.
Saturday, June 2, 2018
Seventeen Years
Seventeen years ago Chris and I said, "I do."
I'd do it all over again. Although it would be nice to skip a few things along the path from there to here.....
Of course, the truth is, if we skipped those things we probably wouldn't be exactly where we are now. The things along the path have a way of teaching us and shaping who we become. So, I guess I really would do it all over again.
Last weekend Chris and I spent a few days away to relax and celebrate our anniversary. We made no big nor fancy plans, just a motel a couple hours from home and whatever we decided to do. It was lovely, and so very "us". He required me to buy fabric for myself and loaded up on more snacks and sub supplies than we would begin to eat.
We lazed around and talked and hashed and talked some more. We learned a few things and understood a few things better and solved quite a few of the world's problems for them. We took a lovely walk and played a few games and then Chris got sick for the last day and night and that wasn't so lovely at all.
Mostly, we just enjoyed each other. What a gift that is.
A shared sense of humor is a gift, too. A few weeks ago we all went on a little drive on a Sunday evening and took a walk along the lake. Somewhere along the line we got started taking pictures of each other. It dissolved into hilarity quickly.
We laughed the hardest over Lillian's photo prop idea. There was an old payphone along our way, and Chris had been telling the children how he used to call me on a payphone while we were dating so he wouldn't have to hear the fussing about the phone bill he shouldn't be running up. She positioned us carefully and proceeded to take our picture.
I'd do it all over again. Although it would be nice to skip a few things along the path from there to here.....
Of course, the truth is, if we skipped those things we probably wouldn't be exactly where we are now. The things along the path have a way of teaching us and shaping who we become. So, I guess I really would do it all over again.
Last weekend Chris and I spent a few days away to relax and celebrate our anniversary. We made no big nor fancy plans, just a motel a couple hours from home and whatever we decided to do. It was lovely, and so very "us". He required me to buy fabric for myself and loaded up on more snacks and sub supplies than we would begin to eat.
We lazed around and talked and hashed and talked some more. We learned a few things and understood a few things better and solved quite a few of the world's problems for them. We took a lovely walk and played a few games and then Chris got sick for the last day and night and that wasn't so lovely at all.
Mostly, we just enjoyed each other. What a gift that is.
A shared sense of humor is a gift, too. A few weeks ago we all went on a little drive on a Sunday evening and took a walk along the lake. Somewhere along the line we got started taking pictures of each other. It dissolved into hilarity quickly.
We laughed the hardest over Lillian's photo prop idea. There was an old payphone along our way, and Chris had been telling the children how he used to call me on a payphone while we were dating so he wouldn't have to hear the fussing about the phone bill he shouldn't be running up. She positioned us carefully and proceeded to take our picture.
I think that's close to how he looked
the first time I finally said "I love you".
Since no "How We Met" stories have flooded my inbox, I guess I am forced to come up with a different brainstorm for the month of June. I thought at first I could do a series of posts called "17 things I've learned from 17 years of marriage". Then I started making my list and decided I'd better leave out the word learned. Not so sure that would be accurate.
I am planning to do a series though, and I'm calling it simply "17 From 17".
Throughout the month of June, you can expect to find 17 posts with 17 things I've learned/ discovered/ become aware of in 17 years of marriage. They're not going to be anything lengthy or profound; just short little pieces of my personal experience. If you're not into marriage, feel free to come back in July. If you are into marriage, I hope you enjoy this month!