Winter break

I'm loving this week off of school! Usually i would be despairing of the boredom and chaos in the house with 5 children home every day but this winter i am so weary of needing to get out in snow or mud or freezing temps twice a day that i am just loving every minute of this week off!! Today the big boy went off to work with dad and we left the little boy with grandma while we enjoyed our "girls day out". We didn't do much, really. But we took our time and enjoyed doing it! :) we wandered around in the goodwill and hunted down treasures in the dollar tree (grandma's gift of money was burning holes in our pockets!!) we searched for the coveted rubber bands to make bracelets at walmart and ate lunch at wendys with desert of a frosty and four spoons. We talked silly and serious and laughed and shivered in the cold wind. It was nothing special but oh so very special all in one! Tomorrow
we'll stay home and clean and wash but today was girl's day out :)

A child shall lead them....

So far i haven't been one of those moms who gets all weepy when a child heads off to school for the first time. (notice, i am making no strong statements!) jennifer went off to kindergarten for the first time last week. We're getting used to a lot more silence, less mess, and more one on one activities with this little lady three days a week! It's interesting to watch personalities blossom and grow - one at school and one here at home! It seems there's a conflict of emotions, since she told her dad "i'm glad jennifer goes to school! When she's home she just bosses me!" but every day i hear "will it be time to pick school children up soon??" :) we all need changes once in a while, something to shake our worlds up a little and force us to stretch and grow in new ways. It sure would be easier to stay in our same comfortable rut! Watching my little people blossom in new situations is a
challenge to me do a better job at doing the same. A little child shall lead them......

I'm Getting Older

I must be getting old. Older every day! Why, when I comb my hair, I'm even finding grey! Sledding holds no thrill these days and who'd have ever thot that I would beg "Please, no donuts in the parking lot!"? I hold my breath when children walk too close to the edge, against such chicken heartedness I thot I'd took a pledge! Yes, I must be getting old. Older every day! But some things still turn me young, no matter what I say. The other day I picked a book from off the rows and rows and brought it home...what happened next my heart age truly shows! Two very late nights later, the book lays closed and done. I'm still 16 with a good book and story just begun! Still no self denial, still no self control, and yes, I'm getting older - those late nights took their toll! Still, that rush of reading words, that same old twinge of guilt, "I'll just read another chapter" as good intentions wilt... My bleary eyes come morning, a small, small price to pay to feel that young girl feeling, cause I'm older every day! :)

A little project

My blog is not a place to show off lots of great projects and ideas...mostly because i don't have very many :) every once in awhile i get inspired and feel like sharing though! When jasmine was 3 we bought a cute child size card table and chairs. Those things have been worth every penny spent on them! The chairs were beginning to look pretty ragged from all the love and i hated to see them that way. Enter one of my bright ideas that don't always turn out! I took them apart and peeled off the old, battered covers. A trip to joann's where i picked out some sturdy fabric and some measuring, cutting, and lots of hot glue later, we have some brand new looking chairs again!! I was so pleased with the way they turned out and the girls love them! I don't know how well the fabric will hold up but i suppose i could do it again someday :) for now we've got cute chairs again!

And the book belongs to.....

Well, I had 4 of you express an interest in the book Love and Respect that I have to give away. So, I put your names all in a bowl, and shook them around, and drew out... Lo and behold! My very own sister in law, Joy Gingerich! Is that fair? :) Your book will be on the way shortly, Joy! For the rest of you, if you really want to read the book, check out your local library. Or, if you're in my area, I'd be glad to loan you my personal copy! Thanks again for reading along with me. I have a feeling the writing process probably did more for me than anybody else! It's one of those areas in life where you never totally "arrive". In fact, I often wonder if I've learned anything at all! This writing series was good for me, because as I looked back I could see how much I really have learned and changed. I imagine in another 6-8 years I will look back and feel the same way! :) Just want to encourage all of you, whether married or single, let's embrace the beautiful role God planned for us as women. His plan works!

Day 31: A Give Away and... THE END!

You can't imagine how thrilled I am to say Day 31!! Thank you for listening to my blather :) Special thanks to those of you who gave me input along the way! Your comments and messages meant more to me than you will ever know!! Many times they came at just the time when I needed confirmation that, yes, God did say write on this subject. So, thank you! I have a copy of the book Love and Respect by Emmerson Eggerichs that I would like to give away. I know many people have the book. But if you don't, or if there's someone you would love to give a copy to, let me know (either here, by email, or fb) and on Wednesday, Feb 12 I'll choose 1 person to send it to! And now, (happy hop, skip and jump) I'm done! I'm free! I can write about whatever I want to! The end. The End! THE END!! :)

Day 30: "That's what submission means to me"

Tucked into the old tablet where I wrote down words and definitions those many days ago, is a paper. I don't think it's message quite got through to me when it was written, but it brings tears to my eyes now. On it, Chris scribbled this: Dear Bethany, One thing that I want, need, long for, is for you to accept me as your leader. To really WANT to follow ME! To give up your ideas, goals, wants, and so forth. NOT that you don't have them or share them or still want, need, or desire them, but you give them up to me, to US. And some of YOUR idea becomes MINE and some of MY idea becomes YOURS, but in the end you trust me to love you enough to take OUR ideas and put them together in a way that is best for us. And TRUST that I made the best decision that I could. (even when it blows up in my face) And trust me enough to support me once the decision is made. And lay down all your personal "so forths" once you've given them to me. THAT is the one thing I want from you the most. That's what submission means to me."

Day 29: #5 of The Top 5

Have you ever been in a SS class where the teacher rambles on and on and then says, "Does anyone have any thoughts?" He pauses for 3 seconds, and then continues right on talking? That reminds me of women sometimes. Call it #5. Stop Taking the Lead Because You're Afraid He Won't. Maybe we've asked them to take out the trash, or make the phone call, or check the propane, or whatever, then we "wait 3 seconds" and grudgingly take out the trash ourselves. Just fyi: as long as a man knows you will step in and take care of it for him, he will jolly well let you! If they know that you're really going to keep your mouth shut, sit tight and let them handle it? They'll step up to the plate! They might not do it as quick as we think they should, or in exactly the way we think they should but if you wait long enough for them to actually lead, you might be surprised how well their way works out! Now I know this one can be taken to extremes and picked to pieces. But just remember the "3 second SS teacher" and sit tight!

Day 28: #4 of The Top 5

You've seen them - the husbands who can't make an announcement at church w/o their wives whispering some vital bit of info they left out. Or the husband is telling a story and the wife insists it was 1980 not 1981!! And husband bashing, have you ever participated in that? One wife starts and then you roll your eyes and join in "Well, MY husband always ________" you fill in the blank. What about to your children? Are you ever tempted to tell a child, "I'm sorry. I think daddy was too hard on you"? Or "My, he was in a bad mood!" Call it #4. Stop Dishonoring Your Husband. Just don't do it! If the announcement lacked info, make sure it's really vital. (Most of the time it's not!) And the story? Does it really have to be corrected? Could we maybe talk about it at home? In the other, more subtle areas, maybe your husband will never know you said it, but it drags down you, your children, and other people's respect for him as a man. Sometimes it's the littlest things that cause the most damage, just don't do it!

Day 27: #3 of The Top 5

Meal time is over, and there's piles of dishes to be washed and food to be put away, and Chris says, "Come sit with me". Seriously? I can't! I mean, you don't just leave dishes sitting. You do your work first and then you can relax! Or here's another scenario: There's a work night at the church, and my husband comes home saying he is just too tired to go anywhere. And I say, "But hunny! It seems like we hardly ever help with stuff like that. I already told people we would be there tonight! Don't you think we could go for a little while at least?" What is my husband hearing? "The dishes are more important to me than sitting with you!" "What the church people think is more important to me than the fact that you are tired!" Call it: #3. Stop Putting Other People or Things Before Your Husband. I doubt there's a widow anywhere who regrets the crusty dishes and letting people think what they wanted! I think it does something much deeper than we can imagine for our men when we make it a point to put them first.

Day 26: #2 of The Top 5

(I've been having issues with posting ...so we'll try yet again!!)

I mentioned something several posts back about asking straight up, remember that? I don't know about you, but I've spent way too much time flying around Sunday mornings trying to get everything done, and feeling disgruntled that the man if the house doesn't pitch in and help! Or how about this - It's Saturday, and I'd really like if we'd go to town. So I throw out some hints here and there, testing the waters to see if he'll take the bait... Or, maybe it's the night for Jasmine's piano lesson. It's pouring down rain and the baby is finally taking a nap and it would be so nice if I wouldn't have to go out! So I text Chris, "I don't know how I'm gonna do this with the rain and everything :( " Call it #2. Stop Acting Like Your Spouse Is A Mind Reader.
I'm getting better. I'm learning to ask, " Could you please hold the baby while I comb girl's hair?" and "I'd really like to go to town today, would that be possible?" and "Could you please take Jasmine tonight since it's raining and the baby is asleep?" instead of hinting around and getting disgruntled. Sometimes the answer is some kind of compromise - "I don't really feel like going to town today but let's plan on Monday night." Rarely it's a plain "no". More often than not my husband is happy to fulfill my wishes if I just ask him straight up! He feels respected instead of "expected and manipulated" and I feel loved instead of disgruntled: win - win!

Day 25: Bethany's Top 5 (in no particular order)

I did it just yesterday. We were on our way home from being gone for 4 days at the Goodyear Convention. Our oldest 2 had stayed with friends, and would need to be picked up. Being the telephone calling hater, I was hoping he would make the calls to figure out details. He finally did call the first place, but that child was already at grandpas. Child #2 was not, so I said ok, I'll call. What shall I tell them? "Tell them we'll be there about 2:30 or 3." Now this made no sense to me. It was 11:20 and we were 15 minutes from their place as he spoke, what was he thinking?? I wondered, "Why? What are we going to do all that time?" Can I just say #1. Wives, stop thinking that your way is the "right" way! Did it really matter why he was doing it that way? No. Did I really think he was dense enough to not know we were 15 minutes away and have no reason for his plan? No. Did I just think it would be smarter to pick the child up right away and so I asked the question to try to control the situation? Uhhh....yes. There is a time and a place for saying, "What about ...this or that?" But there's a lot more times and places when, really, we just think our way is better so we drag our feet or ask questions and really we should just say "Ok." And call the people and tell them "We'll be there about 2:30 or 3"!

Day 24: And here's another thing.......

I've also been thinking about this: where did we ever get the idea that husbands are EXPECTED to help around the house? I mean, when was the last time you went to work for your husband because he expected you to help him out? I could see a little more if both husband and wife have jobs outside the house, but that's not the crowd I'm talking to. Do you realize we stay at home wives have a real privilige? Our position is not the norm these days! Our husbands are working hard to make it possible for us to keep our God ordained role and here we are expecting them to pull double duty! Now before you start yelling "They're his kids too!" here's the deal: It's not that husbands don't want to help at home, but they don't want to be EXPECTED to help! They want to be Asked and Appreciated! And the more I think about it, the more I don't think they're asking for too much. I'm pretty sure there's a lot I could do to make it less necessary to EXPECT help - I know ahead of time that he's coming home at 5:30, right? :)