For the past 4-5 weeks I have been slogging along. Somewhere back there I entered a long, black tunnel and I've spent all my energy trying to claw my way to the light. Some days there doesn't even seem to be enough energy to claw; the tears come easily and curling up under a pile of warm blankets seems like an almost irresistible idea.
If any of you are like me, it often helps my blue mood to at least be able to pinpoint the problem. I've tried. And while there's lots of little things I could point to, whether real or imagined, and convince myself that they are the culprit, none of them seem to quite be responsible. One day I read an article about Seasonal Affective Disorder, which made me remember this blog post and reading them gave me more hope than probably anything else has.
I've found myself avoiding any kind of depth, both here and in real life. We all want to share things when they're over with, you know? When the crisis is past, when I've made it through the tunnel into the light, when I've discovered answers....then is the time for sharing!
The fact of the matter is, I probably already know the answers. I know at least one key to this blackness lies in reaching outside of myself - baking the pan of brownies and taking them to a neighbor, writing the note and sending it to some unsuspecting friend... I know this stuff and how it works, I've even written about it before. But what do you do when the selfish truth you can't seem to get past is this: What I really want is all the brownies for myself!!
Maybe I do need to check into some remedies for S.A.D. Maybe the light will return along with sunshine and warmth and the end of grey skies, turtlenecks and fuzzy house slippers. Until then, sometimes it helps the most to know we are not alone. Care to share your darkness...and light...in the comments? Do you have a prayer request or a burden or a praise? Share it with us! I'll bake you a virtual pan of brownies if you bake one for me.......
15 comments:
There are lights to help with S.A.D. You use the light for no more than 20 minutes a day, preferably in the morning. I suffered from S.A.D. from November through February every year. Then I moved to Florida, and never needed the light again, so I donated it. If I still had it, I would send it to you.
P.S. My training is in mental health counseling. Now I am a full-time mom, and attend a Conservative Mennonite church. :-)
I've heard about those lights...thanks for your kindness, it's the thought that counts! :)
Bethany, you will definitely be in my prayers. I've had a season like no other, here at our home. After receiving a pacemaker last summer, I haven't felt like myself. A myriad of health issues and wintertime has not helped. So, I've been deliberately trying to do more things for other people to keep my mind from focusing on me. Goodness, gracious that's easier said than done isn't it? I'm a knitter, so I have made over 200 pairs of mittens since the beginning of November for the children at a local grade school. It does help. My prayer is that you will soon be back to your normal self and ready to take on the world!
Blessings,
Betsy
Yes, it is easier said than done. But wow, 200 mittens is quite an inspiration!! Many blessings to you as you reach out to others!
I get that every year. I recommend a blood draw to check for vitamin D deficiency. It's very common in our northern climate. Vitamin D also helped a lot when I was waking up with sore joints. My doc also told me I MUST spend 20 minutes in the sun every day and get a little exercise, even if it's just a short walk. Another thing that helps in my case is cat therapy. :D I just pet Booger while she purrs on my lap. And do have a brownie. Chocolate does lift a woman's mood. It's science. Love ya Sister
Why didn't you tell me before now?:( I could have daily (or so) sent you a snippet (S) of a saying, or a poem, whatever, or pics that would hopefully have put some cheer into your day!!:) Winter affects me too...but we've been very blessed so far with a mild winter that's seen more sunshine and warmish/er days than some winters of the past.😋
I've recently had 'crawling under a blanket' thoughts too, albeit for a different reason... being huge n uncomfortable n.... WAITING!!! 😜😐☹
Hang in there! We're in this together!:)
Love you too, Karen!
Bless you, Matina! I'll be praying for you as you wait!
If I could just quietly sit beside you and give you a big hug. I do not know you, but I've been through what you describe quite a few times. Out of desperation when I was at an all time low, I started reading Ephesians, then Philipians. It took me a long time to get through because I reread so many times the very verses I had read the day before but put your name in there and let the promises of God and His love for you soak down into the verse bottom and hidden places in your heart. Allow healing tears to flow and do not condemn yourself for them. Do not berate yourself for feeling so weak and vulnerable, God is tenderly holding You in His hands. Tape a verse or phrase of verse that blessed your heart on your fridge, by your sink, the bathroom mirror... Combat each lie satan tries whispering into your heart with a truth from God's Word- let your Bible open on the table some days. It would hit me every winter, and I would go thru Ephesians and Philippians again, and slowly slowly with God's help we gained ground. And praise the Lord, but this is the first winter I have not struggled with it. But I'm going thru those books again. Also you blogged about women and God's purpose for them,satan sees you as an enemy, and wants you to be discouraged. You may be interested in taking something for your thyroid. Nature's Sunshine has a thyroid support that helps me so well when I feel draggy. May God be very very close to you. Hugs
I've never experienced SAD, but I know of those who do. My sister-in-law has used the light. But I've gone through major depression (I know what it is to be in the black tunnel - you just want to die.)I was labeled as OCD sometime after my first child was born 13 yrs. ago & for all of my children except one, I struggle everytime for awhile with depression. I've been on medicine for a long time & am slowly coming off. If it doesn't get better once spring arrives, I'd say get on something, its not worth it being in the dark! Blessings & peace to you! Angela Stoltzfus
Your kindness brought tears to my eyes. Thank you so much for caring! I've really felt like I took a direct hit after writing in January. Taking B Complex has helped my moods in the past and it's something I've gotten away from taking, so I'm trying to get back to taking that. I've wondered about my thyroid too.
Thank you, Angela. I will keep that in mind. I know depression is not something I want to just sit back and do nothing about. Thankful there are medications available if they're needed! Blessings to you...
This winter has been rough for me, too. Lots of overwhelming circumstances added to the fact that it's wintertime. And it's so hard to write when I feel bogged down with life. Blessings and peace to you!
Oh, Bethany, I can relate! I was diagnosed with mild depression a few years ago, and I remember the relief I felt after I (finally) agreed to begin medication. My big regret then was that I waited so long to accept that help. It wasn't fair to my family to not do something about it earlier. Interestingly, winter is my second-favorite season, in spite of the SAD that can go with it. The last two winters were wonderful: I loved the snow! (Snow also reflects light and helps with the good mood!) This winter, though, SAD hit me again. I think the weather patterns were to blame. Hopefully the arrival of spring will help you -- if not, don't wait to do something about it!
I live in a basement part-time and have found it helpful to use the daylight bulbs. Recently a family member said they recalled I talked about them and they found it beneficial too. It is not necessarily a "fix," but some find it helpful. I am one who doesn't do well with lack of light inside or out.
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