If You Build Your Wife A House

If you build your wife a house, you will almost certainly need to buy some land.

And, if you need to buy some land, it follows that you will need to have lots of money.

If you do not have lots of money, you will search for something cheap.

And, if you search for something cheap, chances are, you'll buy a steep hill.

If you buy a steep hill, your wife will look at it skeptically and say, "Build a house here??"

And if your wife says, "Build a house here??" You will say, "Yes!" And proceed to make a lane.

If you proceed to make a lane, your wife will say, "How am I ever going to get up and down that thing in the winter time??!!"

If your wife says, "How am I ever going to get up and down that thing in the winter time??!!" You will say, "Oh, it's not that bad."

And if you say, "Oh, it's not that bad." Your wife will continue to insist quite firmly that it IS.

If your wife continues to insist that it IS, you will begin to check out concreting the lane and getting a fourwheel drive.

But, if you check out concreting the lane and getting a fourwheel drive, you will begin to wonder how you will afford building the house?

If you begin to wonder how you will afford building the house, you will shelve the lane and start building.

If you start building, your wife will look on and say, "I just can't even believe that we will ever actually live here."

If your wife gives such encouraging support, you will close your mouth and keep working.

And, if you close your mouth and keep working, your wife will look at the progress and say, "Wow. This is getting exciting!"

If your wife thinks it's getting exciting, you will smile and start putting up walls.

If you start putting up walls, chances are pretty good your wife will stop at the bathroom door and say, "Why in the world did we make this bathroom so tiny??"

If your wife fusses about the size of the bathroom, you will sigh and say, "So how should we have done it different?!"

And, if you say, "How should we have done it different?!" Your wife will look at your bedroom with disdain and say, "This bedroom is HUGE! We could have easily moved this wall over a foot and made the bathroom bigger!!"

If your wife says the bedroom is HUGE you will roll your eyes and say, "Just wait until you have everything in the room." And move on to the kitchen.

If you move on to the kitchen, you will need to decide on kitchen countertops.

If you're deciding on kitchen countertops, you will want good ones because you used to make and install countertops.

If you used to make and install countertops, you will search around for the best buy.

And, if you search around for the best buy, you will buy the material up, have them made and get them installed.

If you have them made and get them installed, your wife will walk in the house and try to look pleased and finally say, "That looks terrible with the cabinets! It doesn't go together at all."

If your wife says it looks terrible, you will try to show her it does match and tell her the flooring will tie it all together.

If you say the flooring will tie it all together, she will look at the flooring and say, "Why did we pick that? Now nothing goes together!!"

If your wife continues with this nonsense, you will sigh and keep slogging along on the job.

And, if you sigh and keep slogging along, things will get done slowly, bit by bit.

If things get done slowly, your wife will quietly get more and more discouraged and say things like, "I'm so tired of telling people the same old thing when they ask about the house!" and "We might as well just say we won't get in the house til spring and get it over with!"

If your wife begins to be so discouraging, you might say, "Hey, do you wanna just live in The Shack By The Road and forget it??"

And, if you ask her that question, your wife will say, "No. I really want to live in The House On The Hill."

If your wife says she wants to live in The House On The Hill, you will need to keep building the new house.

And, if you build your wife a house....
well..............