Hello.
I'm not sure who I am anymore but someone with my name used to write in this space. I miss her.... and it.
A kind reader sent me an email the other day: "Hi Bethany! How are you? I haven't seen a blog post from you in awhile so I was concerned. Hope all is well!"
Her message touched me.
All is well, I think you all deserve to know that. I am still here, in my little corner of the world -- living, breathing and healthy. Four weeks ago today our first foster placement was reunited with her mommy. It was a happy, happy day! My husband and oldest son are still working at a tire shop as manager and tire tech respectively. We've chosen, in this strange year of the great pandemic, to try our hand at homeschooling. Hopefully, we can manage to keep the four scholars lined up to slip back into their classrooms next year with no major damage done.
That pretty much catches you up with my life!
Wait. What's that? You're pretty sure there's more? But what makes you... Oh. You don't think someone would just go silent for five months for no reason? You noticed that, huh? Well, yeah, about that...it's complicated, see.
I'm not really sure how to explain my silence, honestly. I feel like the last two years have slowly but surely silenced me. I look back at all the blog posts I wrote over the past nine plus years and I'm not even sure who that person was? I feel like I hardly know her anymore.
Without going into a lot of details or digging very deep, I will try to make some sense of what I am saying.
In 2019, we opened our hearts to a young man who had joined our church. He lived with us part of the year, worked with Chris, was a big part of our lives. I couldn't write about any of that for many reasons -- mostly, out of respect for him. I still can't.
Whether good or bad, 2019 sparked in me the feeling that it's better to just be quiet. Some things are just too hard to explain; some things others will never understand. The problem was, if I couldn't be authentic, I ended up with nothing to say at all!
Then came 2020.
The isolation of school shutting down and no church and no social life plus our first foster placement only magnified the feelings I already had. Foster care was just another thing that couldn't be shared freely on a blog and I finally just quit trying altogether. If writing was going to be so much work, it wasn't worth it. I've always written because the words came and I enjoyed it; I wasn't interested in manufacturing something that wasn't there.
I still don't know what's to become of this little space. I've missed writing terribly. I've prayed about it often but haven't felt God giving me any clear answers. I never, ever wanted to be the blogger who wrote sporadically. I'd rather just shut the blog down and never write again! But, here I am, doing what I never wanted to do.
I miss the community that nine plus years has created here. I miss the person I was who wrote all those things. God has recently given me a couple of writing opportunities that were quite unexpected and that have sparked a little of the old urge to write again. I am grateful. That little email I received from a reader also blew some air on the flame, so thank you again for that.
I don't know what will become of About My Father's Business, we'll see. But I'm still here, alive and well, with a few more grey hair and a very different life these days.
Cheerio!
I'll probably see you again, but who knows when.....
17 comments:
I'm so glad you're back even if only for one post. I'd been wondering about you and your family. Is that CLE curriculum that I'm seeing? We're not Mennonite, but that's what I use with my daughter. I really like it, and when I started using it in Hawaii I didn't know anyone else who used it, except the blogger that talked about it. Hopefully you will all enjoy your homeschooling year. It's hard work, but it's worth it. You will have so much freedom. MZ
You do see CLE curriculum 🙂 Our school uses mostly Abeka but some CLE as well. Since we're planning to send them back to school, we're trying to use what they would have had in school this year.
It's good to see you here. We used some CLE when my girls were still in homeschool. I'm now teaching myself to sew using their curriculum. I hope to gain enough skills to sew a cape dress but I have to take a break from my lessons. I had an accident with my sewing machine needle and my finger. So my finger is fractured and I have to see an orthopedic surgeon.
So anyway, take care and write when you can, even if it's just to post a recipe you've tried.
Oh dear, so sorry about your finger! I hope it heals quickly!
It's good to hear from you again. I get the reasons for the silence ... Although sometime I'd love to hear how fostering changed your life, how your children felt about it, things people should know before they begin, etc etc. 😊 As a fellow 9 who's been considering (and scared of) fostering for a long while, I want to know all about it! 😁 Best wishes in homeschooling - what a switch from last year!
Ohhhhh... send me an email at christopherbethany@juno.com I would love to chat!!
Things have been so different for all of us. There are things to say that we wonder whether we should say. And there are so many things to pray about. It's been a little overwhelming for all of us, and obviously even more so for you than most of us, with such big changes happening in your corner.
How about taking a narrow subject that you can safely go into detail about? like how your housework has changed since you are home-schooling. Is there more housework for you? less because the children are home to help? or how is meal preparation different?
If you don't feel the Lord wants you to blog, though, please don't. But if you do, you don't have to tell us the parts of the story that you don't believe you should be writing about. And maybe that won't feel authentic to you. But you have now told us about some of the things you won't write about. That's OK. LRM
Thank you for this. Perhaps I need to learn a new version of "authenticity"....
I am really glad to hear from you again. I have read your blog for several years, and felt like I had much in common and resonated with things you said. I have missed reading new posts, but recognized that it was a real person behind the blog with real life happening, whatever that may be, so it felt really selfish to wish too hard for something new on here, just for my benefit.
I will pray that you find peace with who and where you are, and what happens with your writing.
You are so very kind, your comment means so much ❤
Oh it was so good to hear from you again, Bethany! I have missed you and often wondered how everything was going for you. I imagined life had dealt you some difficulty and was complicating things still further with middle age creeping up causing fluctuating hormones. And yes, exactly like you described it - "sometimes i hardly know who i am anymore" And when you feel so vulnerable and 'different' its especially hard to write something for all the world to see. I understand. But... like my Mom always said, 'this too will pass' and hopefully before to long the urge to write will be there along with what to write about! I will pray for you!
The promised prayers and the kindness and love from you people is just undoing me. Thank you, thank you ❤
So good to hear from you again. I was missing you and your voice! But I also know what it is like to not be able to share what's really going on due to a number of factors. A big one is that our stories very often involve others and their part of the story is not ours to tell... Blessings as you sort it all out. No matter how often you blog and what you decide to write about, know that I think you are a courageous, wise, and beautiful writer.
Thank you so very much ❤
I get it. I'm not sure who I am anymore either. Is it this age? Is it a midlife crisis? Is it just normal life taking over our brains? No answers, just know you aren't alone.
Good to hear from you again, I like your writing style and missed it. But I do get it. As you know my blog has large gaps too. Largely because ones adult children deserve their privacy so the words get fewer.
Your voice is appreciated and missed! It's normal to have stretches of silence, though, for better or worse :) Saying prayers for peace
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