the One who understands it all

It's unusual for me to not do my regular, twice a week blogging. There's been some unusual things going on in my world, I guess. A new kind of pain that I've never known before, a new kind of heart ache that I've never experienced, a new peek at the bigness of God and the smallness of my view. On top of that, I'm suddenly packing up me and my 3 girls for a flying trip to AR! I'm a big mixture of scared (I'll have to do things that aren't comfortable for me alone), and excited (I am looking forward to seeing everybody)! So, I'm gathering clothes and necessaries and stuffing them in suitcases and trying to corral emotions and feelings and throw them at the feet of the Father who understands hearts. The One who understands pain and heart ache and love and helplessness. The One who is able to take it all and write a beautiful story full of intricate and exciting details that I've never even thought of! And ... who knows how lost I'll feel without my closest friend on earth for 3 days and 4 whole nights!!

To Be A Parent

To be a parent is an incredible thing. Like one person described it, it's like pieces of your heart walking around outside of your body! There's amazing challenges as a parent. With the new little bundle of humanity comes late/sleepless nights and being at the beck and call of this little commander in chief 24/7. Then the little will surfaces and your days are spent trying to keep a step ahead of the mischief and the "I can do it myself" attitude. Before you know it the relationship changes to a miniature grown up who needs to be listened to and understood, not just told what to do. Attitudes replace mischief and cuteness and you begin to wonder why the sleepless nights were so bad! That's about as far as I've come on this parenting journey. If there's one thing I wish I could go back and tell myself it's "enjoy each stage". I know, that sounds so cliche and what everyone says, but I seriously want to learn how to truly do that. It's so much easier to look back and say "why didn't I?" then to do it now!!

A universal language

Everbody is different, we all know that. Still, there are certain things that are universal. We all enjoy a delicious meal. I think everyone feels happier after a good laugh. A night's sleep makes us all feel better. And, I believe understanding from another person is something we all crave. It helps, on this journey called life, to know "right" things- God's commands, good manners, proper etiquette... Those things make life easier, smoother. Still, sometimes no matter how many "right" things you know, or how much they help, face it: life just sucks!! It's those times when a bit of understanding is like the missing ingredient in a bitter cake. There's nothing that can raise a hung head, square slumped shoulders, lift a burdened heart like understanding! Of course a good cry thrown in never hurts either :) I was on the recieving end recently and it was a reminder to me to do the same for others. It doesn't take lots of wise words, just a caring heart that takes a bit of time to speak understanding.

Last night I went to "Ladies Night"- supper and a guest speaker with the ladies and girls 16 and up from the church here. It was a push out of my comfort zone to actually take the plunge and go all by myself! The theme was taken from "The Veleteen Rabbit" and the speaker talked about being "real"...being who God created us to be. It's a journey, a becoming, not something that you achieve and then you're done. I can see God using this move away from my family and all that's familiar to strip away some of my "plastic covering" and teach me to be real. Or, I could easily take this experience and add many protective layers to my plastic covering! Becoming "real" hurts sometimes and who likes to hurt? I'm rolling all this stuff around and don't pretend to understand what all God is saying to me or trying to teach me. I see bits and pieces but I'm not quite sure how it all fits together. I do sense Him at work and that's exciting! I so want to be open to His working and showing me how the pieces fit together!

Thoughts after attending a wedding yesterday...

To my Sweetheart: Dear Christopher, as I sat and viewed the wedding ceremony today with all it's pomp and circumstance. As we talked and discussed, and I pondered the true meaning of love and what marriage stands for, my heart swelled. Love is really not about all the extravagant extras and you have lived that out in our relationship beautifully! For all the petal strewn, carpet laid pathway you have strewn my path with thoughtful, caring acts of service. For all the flowers and candles you have shown me the beauty of shared laughs and thoughts. For all the singing and instruments you have mastered the art of "playing" me-my feelings, my emotions, my body. Knowing me better then I know myself. For all the fancy vows you have lived out the solid, old fashioned, "In prosperity and adversity". Money can't buy the kind of love we share but today I realized I am a millionairess in the love department! Thank you for all you've taught me, all you mean to me. I love you forever and always, your little girl

Like Sunshine and Clouds

Grey skies with clouds hung low greeted me this morning as I stepped out to kiss my husband goodbye. Grass heavy with dew wet my feet as I left to take children to school. The skies of my mind hung heavy and the tears of my soul threatened wet as I drove the quiet trip back home. Why is it so hard to live above the mire of self pity and discontent? Why so hard to hold tight the many gifts and cling instead to countless hardships? We are human and God made us to be so. But His grace is intended, like sun through the clouds, to sweep away the gloom and reveal beauty in the dew drops, silver in the grey clouds. Yet, as mere human, I find it taking more than just saying "all is grace". It takes accepting the gift, yes, but even more a conscious choosing to focus on the beauty, the silver. And sometimes...sometimes it means taking myself in hand and creating the sunshine. A walk with daughter, a cuddle with girlies, early moments with husband, baking those cookies....so simple but it sweeps away like sunshine!

the Father of mothers

It's Monday morning and in a few hours I'll be facing 35 dozen ears of corn that need to be cleaned, blanched, cut off the cob and tucked in the freezer. I should just be thankful we found corn this late in the game but I must say thankfulness is not at the top of my feelings this morning! After a week of first one sick child and then another and then me yet too, I'm not feeling very thankful for some reason. It's so easy to add to the list of less then happy things! I was pretty grumpy and cross about everything yesterday....having to stay home from church with sick children was just one more thing to add to my list and I felt like I needed to get aWaY but it never happened. Then God, in His ever creative, ever understanding way, gave me 4 emails to make me smile and lift my spirits. Besides that He blessed me with hugs and kind words from my husband that felt like a nice, hot soak in the tub! So, this morning I'm searching for "happy" like buried gold, knowing that God is the loving Father of Mothers!