Not One Person

"If something were to happen to the two of you, who would take care of your children?" The lady across from us shuffled her papers as she waited expectantly for our answer.

Chris and I shifted in our chairs and turned to look in each other's eyes. We'd never really sat down and had this conversation or put any plan in place, exactly. But the answer was so obvious in our minds, we hardly considered it a question at all.

"Well, we've never actually had the conversation with them but it's pretty much a given that my parents would. They live close to us and are a big part of our lives." Chris put into words what both of us were thinking. "In fact, taking care of our own is so much a part of our culture that if, by some freak coincidence, something were to happen to both us and my parents, there's no question in my mind that our church would step right in and take care of everything."

I nodded quickly. "It's so much a part of our lives, we don't even stop to think about it!"

We were seated at a large table in a quiet room at Guernsey County Children's Services and the question asked was one in a long list as part of the home study required for our foster care license. The lady asking us questions listened quietly as we went on.

"Oh, yes. Our culture is such that we could call someone up in California who we'd never met and say, 'Hey! We're friends of so and so and she said you could maybe give us a place to sleep on such and such night' and they'd say, 'Oh sure! No problem. We'd love to have you!'"

"Not only that," Chris had a sudden thought.  "We could probably tell them you were coming to California on business," he pointed to our friend across the table, "And they would likely give you a place to sleep just as readily, because you know us!"

At that point our listener's eyes filled with tears. In a choked voice she said, "You have no idea how many people have not one person they can ask to take care of their children."

"We go into these situations," she went on, "Where someone has called in the authorities. There's a report of drug abuse or safety issues or whatever and our goal is always to not take the children into custody. We ask them - who do you know that could take care of your children?  Do you have family members? Who are your kids familiar with that could keep them?"

Wiping her eyes, she continued.

"You would not believe how many of them shrug their shoulders and say, 'Nobody. We don't have anybody.' Or maybe they say, 'Well, there's Grandma Josephine over here.' But it only takes us a few minutes of running some background checks to see that there's no way she's an option."

"What you're describing is just amazing." She shook her head sadly, "Our kids don't have any of that."

I don't have to tell you I had a hard time swallowing around the lump in my throat.

And just where would we be, I asked myself, if we had no one? Not one person we could count on; not a soul we were sure we could fall back on? The thought was so preposterous my mind couldn't even begin to wrap itself around the idea. Would my life look so much better than theirs if I were all alone with no support, no help, not one person who had my back?

I have many days when I desperately don't want to keep pursuing this journey toward foster care. But it's in the solemn moments like the one I've described above that I wonder, how can I not do this? How is this not the very least I can offer? If, in the process, I could somehow be that one person for someone, how can I succumb to my selfish heart and say 'No, this might mess up my life'?

"There is a difference 

between being too scared

 to do hard things, 

and doing hard things scared." 

~Shannan Martin 

Falling Free

Nudges Toward Foster Care

It's so hard for me to write about things when I'm in the middle of them. Somehow it seems so much better to wait to share experiences from the wise perspective of hindsight, rather than the muddled viewpoint of the midst.

A number of people have asked me recently, "So are you done with your fostering classes?" "Are you about ready to start fostering?" The answer to those questions is yes and no, respectively.

Getting licensed for foster care is a long process. Completing 36 hours of classes is the first step and, while that sounds like a lot of time to put in, I'm guessing it's one of the easier steps in the process.

The next step after completing classes was to fill out a six page application and send it back to Social Services. Two and a half weeks later, I got a call saying there were a few things we missed and they need to send the application back for us to go back over. Today it arrived in the mail.

So, yes we completed our 36 hours of classes at the end of April; no, we're nowhere near having foster children in our home. We knew going in that it's a long process. In fact, we were told that best case scenario it usually takes at least six months to get licensed.

Honestly, I'm fine with that. I'm still over here processing my feelings and not even sure that this is the path we will end up taking. We said we felt called to make ourselves available, so we'll see what twists and turns God decides to put in our path.

In the mean time, let me share with you a few people who have probably nudged me along in this direction more than I even realize.

Undoubtedly, one of the things that has made an impact are the few people I know in real life who have been involved in fostering or adoption. In Arkansas, it was a youth girl from our church and here in Ohio it's been our Pastor and family. Also, the writers of several blogs I follow have chosen this pathway. I know their writing has influenced my mind.

While I have never met these bloggers in person, both of these ladies shared their "How we met" stories on my blog; that kinda makes me feel like we're friends.

Reading Rosina's stories like this one, can't help but put a little ache in your heart. She also shared an  excellent article that every church should sit down and consider. Rosina was also the one I turned to in the middle of our classes when all the information was overwhelming my brain. Her reply to my email was so encouraging and helpful and helped tremendously in calming my questions and fears.

The most compelling reading I've done on the subject came from Shari. Her series on foster care is eye opening and beautiful. If you want to view the issue from every angle, go read her posts; I cannot recommend them highly enough.

I'm sure there are many more amazing people involved in fostering who could share encouraging stories. A couple weeks ago, a friend shared some podcasts from Revive Our Hearts Ministries. I finally listened to them today and they are so, so good.

Whatever all I do not know yet about foster care -- and I am certain that is a lot -- one thing I do know is that opening our hearts to this need is going to wreck us in every way. In the muddled midst of the process, I am hanging on to the belief that it will be in all the best ways.

The Things On My Mind

As of today, Chris and I have 27 hours of Foster Care classes under our belts and 9 more hours to go. My brain is cram jammed full of terms like 'Primary Family', 'Safety Script', 'Arousal Relaxation Cycle', 'Triggers', 'Child Protection Team' and that all inclusive answer to almost every question involving foster care -- 'It Depends'.

I've been keeping kind of quiet about this over here, I admit. It's something that I really never saw coming, to be honest. It's not some dream I/we have always nourished; not some idea we've had for years. It had crossed my mind a time or two, just because there's some people we know who do foster care and the county we live in has a desperate need in that area. But a while back when Chris nonchalantly threw out the idea that maybe we should consider foster care, I think my mouth dropped wide open. It just wasn't something I had ever imagined we would consider.

About a month ago, we attended an information night. It turned out that the meeting they had advertised hard for in order to spread awareness brought in exactly two people: Chris and Bethany Eicher.

We sat there with four members of the Guernsey County Social Services team that night and listened to staggering statistics and heartbreaking scenarios. We heard how the number of children coming into care in our county has more than doubled in the past two years due to the drug abuse going on. The same cannot be said of foster care homes available and you could hear the pain in their voices when they shared the difficulty to find placements and the devastation of needing to separate sibling groups and send children to other counties.

We came away from that meeting a bit overwhelmed and with an even lower sense of feeling qualified for the job. But we also came away with a deep impression of "Why not?"

Do we not feel a call to be the hands and feet of Jesus? Is there not a tremendous need right here before our eyes? Is there any reason to not at least make ourselves available to pursuing this idea? Why not?

And so, we enrolled in Pre-Placement Training and have spent the last three Friday nights and all day Saturdays sitting in a conference room, taking in information. To say the least, it has been stretching. Stretching and eye-opening and quite, quite interesting.

Frankly, I think all parents could learn a thing or two from taking Module VIII: Helping The Child Manage Emotions And Behaviors. It's not just foster kiddos who could benefit from some of this training.

So, now you know what's been consuming my mind lately. I still have lots of questions and feelings about all of this. We're still holding this idea loosely, waiting to see what God has for us; how He will choose to lead. Just because we take classes doesn't guarantee we will ever actually foster children but we're open to that; we're making ourselves available. It's a bit of a struggle for me to consciously keep my hand in the open position.

It's felt a little scary and somewhat unnecessary to put it all out there for everyone to see. A bit like the early weeks of a pregnancy, perhaps, when you're not sure if you want to tell people yet or not? So I haven't talked about it -- which, in turn, has seemed to effectively shut off my ability to talk about anything at all! But I'm kinda tired of hiding over here in my corner. I believe in honesty and openness and I sure would welcome any prayers you feel led to pray on our behalf. We don't know exactly what we're doing in all of this but we're pretty confident God does.