Tuesday, May 6, 2014

May 6, 2014

It will be one of those days I will never forget - the early morning phone call, seeing my sister's name in the ID and thinking that's strange... knowing by her voice that it's something bad, and then those 5 words that set everything spinning: "Mom passed away this morning."

Things to decide, plans to make. Breakfast, mouths to be fed. School, children to hug and send off. Laundry, into the washer. Baby, sent up to Grandma. Phone calls to make. "She's gone, Bethany. Gone." Lists to be made in order to function. Phone calls, texts, people showing up at the door with hugs, and offers of help, and love.

"She's gone, Bethany. Gone." But HE is here, His presence made tangible through human hands and hearts.

Laundry gets folded, suitcases get packed. The Mother's Day card on my dresser catches my eye, the one I made as an example for the art class I taught at school and thought I'd give to mom. For a split second I think, "Oh, I'll just stick that in to take along", and the pain suddenly pierces through the fog as it hits me - I'll never give that to mom!

The love continues, there's a van offered and money gifted. At school they make a special effort to finish up Track and Field activities for my son's sake. This is love, HE is here. The van is loaded, we're on our way. "She's gone, Bethany. Gone."

I talked to her just last evening, called to ask a question about what I was cooking, and we talked an hour. We talked about the funeral they had just been to in GA, her sister's husband. We talked about my baby not sleeping at night and about heavy, sad things in our family. And she said, "I guess the important thing is that we remember that WE believe there is a God!"

There's a part of me that is numb, and unfeeling. There's a part of me that rejoices that her passing could be so peaceful and painless after her having faced cancer and other health issues! But mostly I am remembering that, yes, *I* believe there is a God.

The van rolls on in the darkness towards AR and the next several days look difficult - I would rather hide until the funeral and everything is past! Thank you to the hosts of you that have been, and will be praying. Your prayers are felt, and so appreciated!!!


Judith Lapp said...

oh, bethany, my heart aches deeply for you... it brought memories to the surface for me... but i am rejoicing that you feel God... because it is only because of Him that you will be able to face these days and the ones to come. i am praying that you will continue to know He is near and may His grace keep you. love to you

Rosita said...

You are in my thoughts and prayers.

Faith said...

I have been thinking about you so much! I too received a phone call saying that my Dad is gone...Yes it's so final and while the parting is so painful we rejoice in the reality of Heaven for them!