Monday, April 13, 2015

Dear Groom

 On the occasion of a couple's return from their honeymoon:

Dear Brand New Groom,

Was I you, once upon a time? That seems to be an amazingly long time ago, and sometimes it seems like only yesterday. I wonder what did you always dream being married would be like.

I look at you, and I wonder, how much do you know about marriage?

Do you have any idea what it's like to become one with a woman, to leave all and make a new unit, just the two of you? Do you have any concept of this woman’s deepest longings. How much she craves your implicit love and understanding. How she will want to know she is yours and yours alone. Do you realize the vast difference in a woman's needs compared to your own. Do you have any grasp at all of the importance of feelings to a woman. Do you realize how much differently you process thinking and feeling than she does? You think, and then think, and then feel. She feels and then feels, and then she might think, if she feels like it. (I hope you know a little something about feeling)

I wonder, have you had any bumps in your road yet - any arguments, any disagreements? Has she criticized your family, or you hers? Has she done something you just really don't like, said something that hurt you down deep? Has the realization of all that will be expected of you, all that will be new and different, seeped into your blissful bubble at all?

I was you, once upon a time, and I sat in someone's wedding service, holding my brand new wife’s hand, and the preacher kept repeating, "Marriage is hard work!" And I rolled my eyes and pitied the poor preacher, too bad his marriage didn’t work out like he had hoped! And, almost fourteen years later, I still roll my eyes at that poor man. My wife tries to give him the benefit of the doubt, she  says, “I know what the preacher meant, even if he didn’t say it very well” I’m less tolerant of the picture he paints of marriage. Marriage IS rosy cheeks and shining eyes and beautiful bouquets of roses and knights in shining armor, of course it is! That’s the whole point. If yours isn’t, you’re doing it wrong!

So, when you find yourself doing it wrong, stop! Don’t fall into the marriage grind, just don’t. Make a promise to yourself to never accept a marriage that is “hard work” We ALL do it wrong, occasionally, the trick is recognizing when it’s wrong and making it right as quickly as possible. As the leader of your home, make keeping your marriage “fun work” at the top of your list. Life and marriage include work, but never let it be drudgery.

I was you, once upon a time, Brand New Groom, and if I could go back, I would do it again, without question. In spite of all the bumps and the lessons and the things you will find out the hard way, it IS more than worth it. Just remember, Marriage is: (A.) Rosy cheeks and shining eyes and beautiful bouquets of roses and knights in shining armor, OR (B) Hard work, and drudgery and fighting and arguing and heartbreak. Your choice, pick A or B.

Here’s to many happy years of choice A. And if you find yourself experiencing choice B just stop and choose choice A again.

I wish you all the best!

Guest Posted by: The man whose first response was, “HUH?”


Miller scribe said...

Good post! Especially like the think & think, and feel & feel part.

Lois said...

You got yourself a top-notch husband/writer! A super-good, thought-provoking read! He hit the nail on the head many times.