I can almost hear the rumbles already, and I started writing this weeks before anyone is reading it. “So are you implying that God’s perfect plan is marriage and anyone single is less than the woman He intended them to be?”
I’ve dodged this post for days; worked on every other post but this one. I’ve had arguments about this thing and this, right here, was one of the reasons I rebelled when God came tapping on my shoulder to write about the subject of women. This feels like a hurtful subject, and I don’t like hurting anybody. It would be easier to tiptoe around the thing, to give vague answers and explanations and leave it all in the grey but I can’t do that. So, now that I’ve made everyone tense up and prepare for battle with all my disclaimers, here’s the truth: I cannot find in the Bible any support for the idea that women should seek anything except marriage. God made woman specifically to be a wife; that’s what woman was created for. He could have created Eve to just be Adam’s friend but He didn’t.
I know there will always be single women. It’s a proven fact there are more men on this earth than women, so just for that reason alone there will always be some unmarried ladies; it is not a sin. But, I don’t think the large number of single women these days is due to the eligible men deficit being that high. I think it is primarily because our society has completely switched the role of women from “created for man” to “created for themselves” and the church has fallen into their footsteps. Marriage is looked at as this necessary evil that we all want, yes…..eventually. But to be married at 21 is to have missed out on the best years of your life!
I’m throwing my hand up here and saying, “Hold on just a minute. Let me finish!”
I know what my single woman audience (if I have one) is saying, “So what do we do? Start asking men? Sit on our chairs waiting for Prince Charming to appear? Take the man on the street because he’ll have us??”
I’m not advocating that you do anything ridiculous, no. What I am suggesting is that you have a good long talk with the Lord and find out a couple of things about yourself. 1) Do you want to be married? 2) Do you act like you want to be married? I know, I know, that’s called Hard Up and people who are Hard Up are looked at as the lowest of low but this isn’t between you and the world, this is between you and the Lord. Are you open to being married?
See, here’s my little theory. I think, as a society we have taught women to believe they don’t need the men. Women can be whoever and whatever, however they want to and marriage is down there somewhere on the list of things we’ll do someday after we’ve done all the exciting things to prove who we really are.
To complicate matters, once a woman reaches age 21, they’re expected to support themselves. What’s a woman to do, after all? We’ve essentially forced single women to ‘man up’ and earn a living and they sure aren’t going to be able to support themselves forever on Missionary and School Teaching wages, so what do they do? Start looking for better paying jobs. Who can blame them?
Then the single men come along, and what do they see? They see women who are independent, settled into their well paying jobs, on the road to success…why would they bother to ask for their friendship when all the vibes these women are sending out are “I’m perfectly fine on my own.” “I don’t need a man.” “I have a career to pursue.”
That’s why I’m suggesting you sit down with the Lord and ask yourself and Him some honest questions.
Does that mean Prince Charming will magically show up by your side tomorrow? I doubt it. But it might mean that your heart will end up being a little softer, a little more open, a little more accepting of what God has called us women to be.
This is my own opinion here: If you do find yourself in the position of single woman, I think it is important that you do the kinds of things God created you for. He created women for relationships; to nurture, to love, to care for, to feel. If you are a single woman, find something to do that allows you to fulfill the God given role He created you for. Don’t try to be a man; be a woman!
I know you think I don’t understand what it’s like to be a single woman and you’re right, I’ve never been in your shoes. I realize you have to take care of yourselves; pay the bills, get the car fixed, worry about the future. I’d love to see a world where parents or siblings or the church supported their single women so they could be free to do the kind of things God created them for rather than forcing them to support themselves. Can you imagine how that would change the world?! It doesn’t seem fair to me that a widow is surrounded with support just because she had a husband but a single woman is expected to care for herself. So you see, I am not against you - I am really for you! :)
But do check your hearts. Do consider the vibes you are sending and do have that honest conversation with the Lord.
Thank you for listening…now it’s your turn…