Last night I went to "Ladies Night"- supper and a guest speaker with the ladies and girls 16 and up from the church here. It was a push out of my comfort zone to actually take the plunge and go all by myself! The theme was taken from "The Veleteen Rabbit" and the speaker talked about being "real"...being who God created us to be. It's a journey, a becoming, not something that you achieve and then you're done. I can see God using this move away from my family and all that's familiar to strip away some of my "plastic covering" and teach me to be real. Or, I could easily take this experience and add many protective layers to my plastic covering! Becoming "real" hurts sometimes and who likes to hurt? I'm rolling all this stuff around and don't pretend to understand what all God is saying to me or trying to teach me. I see bits and pieces but I'm not quite sure how it all fits together. I do sense Him at work and that's exciting! I so want to be open to His working and showing me how the pieces fit together!

Thoughts after attending a wedding yesterday...

To my Sweetheart: Dear Christopher, as I sat and viewed the wedding ceremony today with all it's pomp and circumstance. As we talked and discussed, and I pondered the true meaning of love and what marriage stands for, my heart swelled. Love is really not about all the extravagant extras and you have lived that out in our relationship beautifully! For all the petal strewn, carpet laid pathway you have strewn my path with thoughtful, caring acts of service. For all the flowers and candles you have shown me the beauty of shared laughs and thoughts. For all the singing and instruments you have mastered the art of "playing" me-my feelings, my emotions, my body. Knowing me better then I know myself. For all the fancy vows you have lived out the solid, old fashioned, "In prosperity and adversity". Money can't buy the kind of love we share but today I realized I am a millionairess in the love department! Thank you for all you've taught me, all you mean to me. I love you forever and always, your little girl

Like Sunshine and Clouds

Grey skies with clouds hung low greeted me this morning as I stepped out to kiss my husband goodbye. Grass heavy with dew wet my feet as I left to take children to school. The skies of my mind hung heavy and the tears of my soul threatened wet as I drove the quiet trip back home. Why is it so hard to live above the mire of self pity and discontent? Why so hard to hold tight the many gifts and cling instead to countless hardships? We are human and God made us to be so. But His grace is intended, like sun through the clouds, to sweep away the gloom and reveal beauty in the dew drops, silver in the grey clouds. Yet, as mere human, I find it taking more than just saying "all is grace". It takes accepting the gift, yes, but even more a conscious choosing to focus on the beauty, the silver. And sometimes...sometimes it means taking myself in hand and creating the sunshine. A walk with daughter, a cuddle with girlies, early moments with husband, baking those cookies....so simple but it sweeps away like sunshine!

the Father of mothers

It's Monday morning and in a few hours I'll be facing 35 dozen ears of corn that need to be cleaned, blanched, cut off the cob and tucked in the freezer. I should just be thankful we found corn this late in the game but I must say thankfulness is not at the top of my feelings this morning! After a week of first one sick child and then another and then me yet too, I'm not feeling very thankful for some reason. It's so easy to add to the list of less then happy things! I was pretty grumpy and cross about everything yesterday....having to stay home from church with sick children was just one more thing to add to my list and I felt like I needed to get aWaY but it never happened. Then God, in His ever creative, ever understanding way, gave me 4 emails to make me smile and lift my spirits. Besides that He blessed me with hugs and kind words from my husband that felt like a nice, hot soak in the tub! So, this morning I'm searching for "happy" like buried gold, knowing that God is the loving Father of Mothers!

What I know, second edition:

1) God does answer prayers. 2) Fall is ok, except for the grey, rainy days. Oh, and the chilly temperatures. I don't care for bare tree limbs either, or shorter days but otherwise... 3) I enjoy quiet, alone days. 4) Someday I am going to sleep quiet, blissful, uninterrupted nights! 5) Of course, by then I'll be old and won't be able to sleep anyway. Can't win in this world. 6) Little girls singing and playing happily together is like Heavenly music to my ears. 7) Children may be easier to care for as they get older, but attitudes take much more wisdom then, say, playing in the toilet! 8) Rainy days cause my bed, couch, recliner, etc to beckon convincingly and my ambitious intentions to crumble. 9) "Tea" from my little girl's teacup is the best! (especially when there's a plastic lion cookie in the bottom of the cup) 10) Chocolate chip cookies baking on this rainy day would smell and taste lovely. Wonder how I could make them appear in the kitchen? ...a happy day to you and you ... and you too! :)

On God's ways of lifting spirits

Apples. Boxes and boxes of them waiting to be made into applesauce. A coughing, wheezing, runny eyed, hard breathing 3 year old who's nights have ended up in your bed. That's about all it takes to make stress build and worry rise and spirits heavy. But God has these ways of touching spirits even then.... Going to church Sunday when you thought you'd be home with a sick child and chats with 2 kindred hearted women are like a dose of much needed medicine! Starting Monday and then deciding, we're going to a Dr, and then husband takes off work to come home and do the details! A mother-in-law busily working at apples while you're gone and then husband going the extra extra mile and helping cut up the rest of the apples with you! Yes, God has His ways and for that I am very thankful and blessed! And He uses mere lumps of clay to fulfill His ways.... Lord, make me soft and pliable in your hand so that I, too, become a blessing to those around me. It's the small acts that touch hearts in the biggest ways!

And I call myself a Christian?

I had a real "smack between the eyes" yesterday. I've had this battle going on inside for some time now: "As a Christian can't I have even one little pity party at least once a week?" or something like that. I mean, you know, I know you shouldn't whine but I deserve some slack now and then, surely. Especially when things really are tough and not many people would put up with it at all! I said something of this nature to a friend of mine. And, like true friends do, she told me the cold, hard truth. She told me as a Christian I should be giving thanks in all things, casting my cares and rejoicing evermore. I should be acknowledging the tough and then building up all the good. She told me more but I'll leave it at that. Smack! How could I really be wondering about the pity party business? The instructions in the Bible are quite clear! I needed that "jerk upright" and I'm glad my friend cared enough to tell me the truth. When God has laid it out quite plainly, is it asking too much for me to obey?

"That's the way my mom always did it!"

It's a cloudy day outside and a tomatoey day in! Two and a half bushels of tomatoes are now juiced and in jars. I'm tired and ready to get out of the house! Apples are coming up later this week and corn next week... Makes me even tired-er! Today I had to think of the impressions I'm making on my children. How many little quirks in your process of canning tomatoe juice, for instance, come from "the way my mom did it"? I add canning salt to mine, Janice never heard of it. Why? Because my mom does it that way! That doesn't make it the only way to do it to be sure but "mom's way" just seems right! Funny thing is, I doubt my mom even stopped to realize she was teaching me some of these things. I sure don't think about it! But I'm sure someday they'll say "mom always filled the blender to the top!" or "Mom never cooked it before putting it through the sieve!" Not vitally important, no. But makes me stop and think about the impressions I'm making! Good ones...and bad ones...makes me want to be more intentional!

Choice Time

To be honest, a blog post is just not bubbling out of me today. I have a nasty, throat scratchy, nose stopped up, head achey, cold which is making me less then sociable. Added to that my monthly visitor arrived yesterday. Added to that all I want is to be tucked away in my own little house with solitude and my family..... Yup! It's really one of those "grey" type of deals. Not really boo hoo-ing and pity party-ing grey type, just grey and blah. So, what does a person do about it? The easiest thing for me to do is disappear off the scene. Hibernate in my bedroom with some reading or writing and be anti-social. I realize I need to make a choice this morning. Am I gonna settle for blah, drab grey? Or am I gonna dig out the "magic markers" and start making some bold, colorful strokes? There's colors I could grab if I'd push aside the grey curtain and reach for them. Life is always a choice and what determines the outcome of my day is really me. So, what will it be? One of those grey days? Or rainbows?