A Winner and A Few Other Tid-bits

I loved having all of you participate in last week's giveaway! I only wished later that I had asked you to answer some kind of interesting question to enter. That always makes reading the comments so fun, but I usually have a hard time coming up with a good question. 

Anyway. Without further ado. 

The winner for Luci's book Turtle Heart was: "I believe I would enjoy reading this book. Please enter me in the drawing. Thanks. Linda Rose"

Linda Rose has been a faithful reader (and comment-er) here for a very long time! She has frequently sent me encouraging emails as well. I think it is very fitting that her comment was chosen! Congratulations and I hope you enjoy the book 🙂 Email me your mailing address, and I will pass the info on to Luci. 

* * * * * * * * 

We have been having absolutely gorgeous fall weather. When I can stop my mind from screaming, "No! Help! Stop! Summer is leaving!!" I can actually enjoy it. 

We took a family bike ride one evening last week...

Excuse the blurry video screenshot...

It was a beautiful evening!

The girls took it upon themselves to bring some "fall" indoors another evening, while I was away...

(The black and white drawings are by Jasmine, and yes, she is amazing. They will be for sale in a few weeks at our school auction so, see you there!)

On yet another lovely evening, my girls and I had a little "photo shoot", just for fun...

Now this is how my camera roll looks...

It's fun to have daughters for friends. 

And now, if you will excuse me, we have a trip and a wedding and a big week coming up and I still have fifty-eleven things on my to do list....

Turtle Heart -- A Review and A Giveaway

Four years ago, I talked here about a book by Lucinda (then) Miller. Today, I am happy to tell you about another book by the same author, although her last name has now been changed by her marriage to Ivan Kinsinger.

Luci is gifted in the art of story telling. In Turtle Heart you will find the same layers of emotion and honesty that drew readers into her book Anything But Simple. While enjoying the story line and the eccentricities of Luci's friend, Charlene, you will also find yourself digging deeply to examine hard questions. Questions like how to meet people where they are, like Jesus did. Questions about different cultures and acceptance. Questions about things foreign to a sheltered Mennonite world, like splintered families and homosexuality. 

There are many ways that I identify with Luci, in her story. Her description of herself as a youth and young adult could, quite easily, have been describing me:

"No one hates me and no one loves me because no one really knows me. I constantly wear a smile on my face because I want everyone to think I am enjoying myself, that I have friends somewhere, just around a corner. 

I am a young adult, more confident, but still commonly described as "sweet" -- a word I both love and hate. Hate, because it defines me as passive and without spine. Love, because it protects me. People treat me kindly because I am sweet."

I also identify deeply with her difficulty to stand up for herself and say no. It is helpful to listen to her navigate her own humanity -- feelings of resentment at being taken advantage of -- and her deep longing to be Jesus in skin to her friend. One does not have to cancel out the other, when apologies are given and we get up and try again.... and again. 

I love how Luci shares her struggles with hard questions about God and Faith. I am, by nature, an "accept-er" and some of her questions are not ones I have dealt with deeply myself, but now have children who do. Her father's wisdom in providing answers, when he can, but simply confessing "I don't know", when he doesn't, was powerful. In Luci's own words:

"...there is tremendous release in these words: "I don't know." I begin to realize I don't need to know everything, and that not knowing is necessary to living."

The fact that Luci has poured her heart and soul into Turtle Heart is evident throughout the book. She has opened the doors to her inner self and confessed thoughts and feelings that are vulnerable and raw. Through her words, she holds out her heart with open hands, asking the reader to handle it gently. Hoping against hope that as you do, you too will begin to see and love the people around you -- the ones who are like you, and the ones who are so very different -- through the eyes of Jesus. 

If you would like to read Turtle Heart yourself, you can order online through Amazon, or Barnes and Noble or order an autographed copy directly from Luci at lucindajkinsinger@gmail.com. 

Luci is generously allowing me to give away one copy of her book to my readers! If you would like to be included in the giveaway, leave a comment below (or via email or Facebook), and I will choose a winner on September 30, one week from today. US addresses only. 

My Father's Touch

When the world weighs heavy on your shoulders, sometimes the best thing to do is grab your camera, and search for beauty.......

Oh, the perfection of the artist!

Even in the humble marigold.... 

The changing of colors....

The mixture of textures....

Why, hello there!

The unfolding of the flowers...

The cheer from the simple...

Inside, as well as outside...

The touch of the Father is everywhere 

when you take the time to pause

 and look for it.

Remembering

August 2006

I was twenty-seven that year. Mom of two, ages four and two, this pregnancy had been planned for, prayed for, and celebrated. This was a first for us. Not that the previous pregnancies had been unwanted or uncelebrated, but this time we had been in control of the timing and everything about it was perfect and exciting. The euphoria lasted two weeks, then I discovered I was miscarrying.

It's a little hard for me to remember, with the distance of fifteen years passing, how very difficult that experience was for me. If I'm honest, I don't think I grieved the loss of my child, so much as the loss of my perfect little plan. Why wouldn't God have wanted it to work out? Why? Why did He let it happen? 

And then, for one excruciatingly long year, I couldn't get pregnant. 

It seems ridiculous now, to remember how difficult that was. So many people go through years of infertility, and here I was with two lovely children already! But you don't know, when you're in the middle of a hard thing, how long it will last. Maybe there was something wrong that needed to be fixed. Maybe we would never have any more children. Maybe there would be a huge gap in our children's ages. Maybe this wondering and holding my breath every month and not being pregnant would go on forever.

That year was agonizingly long. I shake my head now, thinking of the tears and anguish that my husband endured. In the moment, the longing and the pain were so real -- I wanted a baby. The smallest of comments, from people who had no idea what I was carrying inside, stung and cut and hurt.

Finally, I made an appointment to have my thyroid checked. The doctor was booked three weeks out, but at least I was doing something. And then? Then, in the mean time, I didn't get my period and the pregnancy test -- those awful things I had come to hate and nearly refused to take -- was positive!

Our rainbow baby was born March 30, 2008.

January 2009

My baby was nine months old and I felt sick; nauseous. The feeling persisted. What was going on? Surely I couldn't be? No. Not that. But I was.

I looked at the positive pregnancy test, and I cried. I wasn't ready for this; no. Too soon! I didn't want to tell anyone. Why? So many things were wildly out of control in our lives already, how could we handle this too? My midwife laughed and said, "God does have a sense of humor. First you're crying because you want a baby, now you're crying because you don't want a baby. Somewhere He is saying, 'Make up your mind, lady!'"

Lillian Bethany

8 lb 14 oz  21 in long

Perfect in every way

(A note to mothers everywhere: it is possible to go at least three years without a menstrual period. Ask me how I know.)

September 3, 2021

My surprise baby is twelve today.

Almost every year, I remember. I remember the confusion and pain of God disrupting my tidy, good plan. I remember the year of longing and heartache and not knowing. I remember the joy and excitement of the first, unexpected positive test that I longed for and the shock and confusion of the second, surprise one. I look at my two girls, seventeen months apart, and I smile.

I'm not sure why I felt compelled to share my remembering this year. I think I have mentioned some of these details on my blog before, but never quite in this way. 

It is good to look back, and remember. I don't know why God chose to plan our family the way He did. I can't look back and see, "Oh. It's good it was that way because x-y-z that I didn't know". I think, mostly, He wanted me to learn how little control I ultimately have over my life, and how very capable He is of handling the details.

Maybe, I needed to look back and write it out, because I need that lesson today just as much as I needed it then.