Confession is good for the soul...

On the rare chance that anybody reads this pathetic little blog, I feel you should know the real me. I posted this great speech yesterday about slowing down and the time before about savoring, etc etc. If you could have been a mouse in my kitchen last night I'm sure you would have been amazed. Shocked! I was a mess. Snapping, no, yelling at kids, frustrated with husband, shoulders tense, no smile lines whatsoever. Over what? Forgetting the salt, measuring baking powder with a tablespoon instead of a teaspoon, children whining, husband on the computer... O yeah! Huge, terrible things! All I wanted was to get to bed time so I could sleep and start over...oh, and throw that One Thousand Gifts book in the trash! :) Morning brings sanity and I realize that I want to have learned without the hard work of practice. Truth is, that's impossible! So, a new day... And I'm picking up my hammer to bang in a few more nails of practice. 544. Fuzzy blankets 545. Mercies New 546. Winter wonderland ...........

Not an Emergency

Calm. Haste makes waste. Life is not an emergency. Life is brief and fleeting but it is not an emergency... Emergencies are sudden, unexpected events - but is anything under the sun unexpected to God? (Ann Voskamp, One Thousand Gifts) I fell yesterday. In my rush to finish a phone call and get littles bundled and make it to school to pick up children, I wiped out. Slipped on the walkway and mud and sprained my big toe! God must have known I needed a visual to bring the truth of what I read home. Today I'm in forced slow mode! Maybe this will teach me to slow down more often. To really listen when my children talk, really pay attention to what their little imaginations are playing, really show love in my discipline, really take time to enter their worlds. How I fail in that! So today I'm sitting on the couch and hobbling around taking a lesson on slowing down. Do I really accomplish more in my rushing? In the things that matter for eternity, probably not. So, what am I living my life for? Now? Or eternity?

2012: Savor

Aaahhh! Loving this beautiful weather!! Love the invigorating feeling of hanging wash and raking leaves with blue sky above and sunshine and brisk air all around. Sometimes it feels like I'm living in a "pretend" world these 2 months in Daniel's trailer. It's the cutest little spot in the woods! Secluded by trees, yet close to neighbors and school. reminds me so much of our place in Arkansas. I am loving it here! Yet, always in the back of my mind there's this constant knowledge of 2 months. Rather fitting that I'm reading "One Thousand Gifts" bit by bit these days. I want so much to live this moment to the fullest and not worry about the future. I keep reminding myself "savor". Don't waste this moment. Savor savor savor. Taste it. Eat it slowly and carefully, letting all the flavors and juice spread and soak in. God is good all the time! What would I do without that foundation? I can't imagine and I'm so glad I don't have to! So, 2012, I'm out to savor every moment of you!

Open Hand

Joy. Happiness. It's what we spend our lives searching for. Anything that takes it away we stear clear of, rebel against, run from, struggle with. Is it safe to say that all our worries, struggles, fears... come from a reaction to threats against joy? True to say that it's our human way of trying to control circumstances and protect joy? God is shining His light through to me by His words delivered through Ann Voskamp. "Joy is a flame that glimmers only in the palm of an open and humble hand." "Palms curled into protective fists fill with darkness." "Bend the knee and...let God give what God chooses to give because *He only gives love* and whisper surprised thanks. This is the fuel for Joy's flame." How bright His light is in the dark places of my heart! I am gulping the words but need to spend time ruminating and digesting. Clothes sit in the washer, dishes pile up and children fight. I open my hand and begin to offer my thanks in the now, the everyday, this moment and then the next.

"She shall be called woman..."

I've always been taught that a woman's place is at home, caring for her family. I believe that's what God intended when He took Adam's rib and formed a woman. I never realized the extent of the instinct God placed inside a woman until we moved 5 months ago. Like the geese flying south before winter hits, I discovered an inner compulsion to care for my family! We packed all but the necessities in boxes in AR and began life in OH. Suddenly I had no purpose. I got bored and depressed. We mothers often lament and sigh over our busy lives but I found myself longing for the need to be busy. I realized that the dirty clothes, dishes, faces, bathrooms and floors all screaming for my attention were, in fact, gifts of purpose and a reason to live! That organizing and caring for my own little nest and creating "home" for my man and littles is my very life breath! The first few days in our "2 month" trailer were spent soaking up common tasks like a long overdue bath. What a gift!

I'm Back!

I'm finally back! Feels good to be typing in this space again. It's been a wonderful Christmas break.... Family time, playing games, opening gifts, talking about Jesus' birth, working on a puzzle, just being together... Then, it was back home to gather up our stuff and move it to the trailer we are going to be "house sitting" for the next 2 months!!!! Sorta strange to use someone else's stuff but oh! So lovely to be just us 6 again!! Moved our stuff Monday and spent Tuesday getting everything situated. Wednesday my 2 sisters and 3 nieces came down from Holmes County for the afternoon. Wow! What a privilege to host family!! We ate chili and made tortilla snow flakes, fried them and sprinkled with powdered sugar, yum! Then played lots of games and looked at photo albums. Could have gotten really sad when they were leaving. Now all the things I was looking forward to are past and done. God sure knew what He was doing when He supplied this house just before Christmas break!!! I'm just amazed over and over at the perfectness of it all!

I'm trying to get my thoughts together on what all I've been feeling about having my own house again and what I've learned about the way God created women through this whole 5 months of living in with my in-laws. There's alot swirling around in my brain but I haven't been able to get it all together in a tidy little post yet :) We have internet access while we're here so that's new deal as I usually post from my phone and can't do anything long or "fancy". I'll have fun playing around with that :)

It's dark. Hubby is off to work and the 4 youngsters are still tucked in. Aaaahhh! Love quiet time in the morning! Which shall I do? Read blogs, read a book, hang out on Facebook, add to my list of 1,000 Gifts, curl back up in bed........ Eeenie meeenie .....

He is Faithful. Always.

I've been taught all my life that God's grace is sufficient, all things work for good, etc etc. And had anyone asked I would have sincerely said I believed it! There's nothing like experiencing it though. This whole "Abraham" experience of moving w/o a place to live has been difficult for me. I've cried and I've despaired. Yet in the midst of it all I would always find God's grace right there, like a rock, and gather up the courage to go on. I've learned something about the way God created women through all this. I never realized the deep, inborn desire God gave a woman to care for their own. I never realized the deep satisfaction in performing all the mundane tasks for one's own. Never realized how empty life is when it's not full of demands and responsibilities. I hope my eyes have been opened for good. There's so many little things that I took for granted and now realize are a privilege! God really can use all things for good. Always. Even when I can't see a bit of the "why" in the middle of it!