Wordless Wednesday

On the way home from AR, the girls sang this over and over til we had to tell them it's enough! The video clip still brings smiles around here :)

Life Goes On

It's 10 days since the phone call came. My mind still feels numb in places. It still doesn't feel real that I am now one of those people - the ones who have sat in a Funeral Home with their family making plans; the ones who have mechanically gone through the motions of eating the abundant food provided by caring people; the ones who have stood for 3 hours shaking hands and sharing hugs and laughter and tears until their legs feel like they're going to sleep; the ones who have gathered with family in a close huddle to gaze at their loved ones still face for the last time; the ones who have held their children's sobbing bodies close, had their own sobbing body held close, and watched their lonely parent's sobbing body.

And how, pray tell, is this also the person that has felt true thankfulness and joy and peace? Who has felt blessed by so many caring and awed by so many wanting to show their honor? Who's faith has been uplifted and strengthened by hearing their lonely parent's voice (as always, in every experience of our lives) lifted in a prayer of thanks and acceptance of His Plan?

Is it any wonder that my children probably feel like their mother is here only in body? That emails have been read backwards and too many things forgotten? That keeping the house and cooking and something as simple as getting everyone to bed just seems to take more effort than is possible to muster?

What am I doing here, so many miles away from the people who have to face the emptiness every.single.moment? How is it fair for me to go on with life and expect them to take care of everything, sort it out, learn to live? How does it make sense to tell all the caring people who ask "How are you?" that I'm ok? Or, for that matter, that I'm NOT??

How silly is this anyway? We all know good and well that no one is living forever. That when we marry our best friend, sometime one of us will have to go on alone. This stuff isn't a secret - some big, shocking surprise God suddenly springs on us! Mom lived a long, full life - 70 years and 50 of them happily married is nothing to sneeze at! In the last number of years she was quietly laying down more and more abilities. Quietly accepting being unable to do a lot of the things she loved. I am so, so happy she didn't have to go on doing that until nothing was left! There is no way in the world that I could wish her back to this broken world - if I had a wish, it might be that the two of them could have slipped peacefully away together hand in hand, but I could not wish her back. Still, she's gone. Gone.

All I can say to the conflicting of emotion and the little sense that it all makes is: I am human. I live in a fallen world. All of these feelings are real, all of them ok in their place. It is impossible that we know Joy without also knowing pain, there would be no dawn without the night, and how could we know true happiness without the contrast of deep sorrow? After all, there is no rainbow without the rain!

Emotions are confusing, feelings fickle, but I'm still as sure as ever that *I* know there is a God, and He is good.

Happy Mother's Day

*Memories compiled by my siblings and I and read at my mom's funeral

To Mom on the happiest Mother's Day of your life!

The call came to us, Mom, Those words that sent us spinning.
They said you passed away, Mom, Your time in Heav'n beginning.
Your busy hands are still, Mom, The hands that did so much.
Those hands that blessed the world, Mom, We won't forget their touch.
The hands that wrote us letters, with perfect, fluid writing.
The hands that tended gardens, and taught that it's exciting.
The hands from quilting knotted, something you never ceased.
The hands who's skin felt special, that could be pinched and creased.
Your feet have ceased their walking, Mom, From going many places.
You traveled many miles, Mom, And brightened many faces.
Feet that traveled bare at times, that slippers kept from cold.
Feet that now are comfortable, with shoes that won't grow old.
Feet that tromped along in boots, to berry briars smash.
Feet that squashed the cans down flat to fit more in the trash.
Feet that traveled many miles in these hills and hollers.
Feet that walked through chicken house, helping earn more dollars.
Your voice has now been silenced, Mom, Your last words have been spoken.
The memory of it whispers, Mom, Although our hearts are broken.
The voice that said, "You play a game, and I will wash the dishes."
The voice that said, "Let's sleep outside!" One of your many wishes.
"A cabin right down on the bluff!" The voice would often hark.
"If we would do a little work, we'd have a little park!"
The voice with alto singing, rose from your Sunday seat.
The voice that always asked us, "What did you have to eat?"
You were so creative, Mom, You stirred it up in us.
You made memories for us, Mom, And made them without fuss.
You loved to plan our picnics –White River, park, back yard.
When the electric went off, you made it fun, not hard.
You encouraged fishing trips, then watched us from your chair.
Saturdays you let us eat our packed lunch anywhere.
You taught us switching bedrooms, and re-arranging stuff
Was much more fun than letting the cleaning be enough!
Your Faith has not been silenced, Mom, It will live on and on.
You lived it out in actions, Mom, It speaks, though you are gone.
You showed us what you held dear, just by your quiet acts
Visiting the elderly – and letters mailed by stacks!
You took time for your neighbors, if you met up in town
Stopping for a friendly chat, your smile could change a frown!
We knew where you took your needs, the place for every care.
New shoes, a cough, decisions –nothing too small for prayer!
You showed us peace in illness, with quiet, simple trust
Accepting what life brought you, if walk this path you must.
You didn't like much fuss, Mom, This pob'ly seems too much.
But memories flood our minds, Mom, More than a pen can touch.
Simpler was always better –wildflowers, not a rose
A bowl of soup or sandwich would be the thing you chose.
Homemade card, or handmade gift, make do with what is here
Don't spend a bunch of money, you made your wishes clear.
You made mistakes we know, Mom, You never claimed perfection.
You said "Sorry" quickly, Mom, When things needed correction.
Home will never be the same without your special touch.
Now things won't get done as well, we surely know that much!
To all of you who've lent a hand, and by our sides have sat
We promise you no Thank You card – you know that Mom did that!
____________________________________________________________
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May 6, 2014

It will be one of those days I will never forget - the early morning phone call, seeing my sister's name in the ID and thinking that's strange... knowing by her voice that it's something bad, and then those 5 words that set everything spinning: "Mom passed away this morning."

Things to decide, plans to make. Breakfast, mouths to be fed. School, children to hug and send off. Laundry, into the washer. Baby, sent up to Grandma. Phone calls to make. "She's gone, Bethany. Gone." Lists to be made in order to function. Phone calls, texts, people showing up at the door with hugs, and offers of help, and love.

"She's gone, Bethany. Gone." But HE is here, His presence made tangible through human hands and hearts.

Laundry gets folded, suitcases get packed. The Mother's Day card on my dresser catches my eye, the one I made as an example for the art class I taught at school and thought I'd give to mom. For a split second I think, "Oh, I'll just stick that in to take along", and the pain suddenly pierces through the fog as it hits me - I'll never give that to mom!

The love continues, there's a van offered and money gifted. At school they make a special effort to finish up Track and Field activities for my son's sake. This is love, HE is here. The van is loaded, we're on our way. "She's gone, Bethany. Gone."

I talked to her just last evening, called to ask a question about what I was cooking, and we talked an hour. We talked about the funeral they had just been to in GA, her sister's husband. We talked about my baby not sleeping at night and about heavy, sad things in our family. And she said, "I guess the important thing is that we remember that WE believe there is a God!"

There's a part of me that is numb, and unfeeling. There's a part of me that rejoices that her passing could be so peaceful and painless after her having faced cancer and other health issues! But mostly I am remembering that, yes, *I* believe there is a God.

The van rolls on in the darkness towards AR and the next several days look difficult - I would rather hide until the funeral and everything is past! Thank you to the hosts of you that have been, and will be praying. Your prayers are felt, and so appreciated!!!

When the Weather is Making you Grumpy

When I saw the rain coming down this morning, and felt the grumpiness rising up inside, I knew I needed to take action! I needed to do Something, Anything, to add a sparkle to the day. I searched around in my brain in desperation and pulled up an old, old idea. Do people still do Daffy Suppers these days??

After school the children went to work cleaning up the house with a will when they heard there were Big Plans for supper! When the house was set in order, I explained the event as smiles grew broader and eyes sparkled. We would each come up with a place setting for the table. Each place would then get a number and numbers would be placed in a cup. Come meal time whichever number you drew would show which spot was yours!

First of all, though, they helped with supper prep. Isaac stirred up the sauce for the meatballs and the girls peeled the cooked potatoes, then shredded them and mixed up scalloped potatoes. By the time Dad arrived, the suspense was nearly getting the best of some of us :) What fun to scoop up food with an ice cream scoop and glug water out of a jar, while someone else sipped daintily from a tiny cup and nibbled bites from a teaspoon!

It was fun, and it was worth it, and it did wonders for my case of the Grumps! But Lord, could we please have no rain tomorrow??

When My Mind Went Wandering......

My mind went wandering in church Sunday morning. Shocking, I know. Especially considering it was communion morning! It stayed within the four walls of the church and dwelled on things pleasing to God, forgive me? Good. Cause I'm gonna tell you about it :)

Our church does not have segregated seating. And, just so you know, I've never been able to see the logic in segregated seating. Completely baffles my mind, but I digress. So anyway, I'm sitting in church, and I find myself observing the couples in front of us. (I'm sorry if you were one of those. It was all good, promise!) Let me paint you the picture.......

Here was a mother, chuckling at the eyes her son is making and nudging daddy to share the sweetness. Here was a daddy, reaching over to make the sleeping laddie on mamma's lap more comfy. Here was a couple, seperated on the pew by children, but sharing unspoken messages when daddy's lapful misbehaves. Here was a mommy, hands full with an unhappy little Miss, and daddy takes the hand off for a trip down the aisle.

I don't know if you see what I saw, but what I saw was beauty. Wasn't God amazing when He created husband and wife? When He planned for them to produce little people and nurture those little lives together? There was something beautiful about observing the working together, the love, the commitment, the "two-become-one-ness". And I marveled at a Creator who would plan it this way as my mind wandered in church Sunday morning. My heart swelled at the beauty, and I .... I don't know. I think I worshiped, even though my mind wandered on Communion morning..............

The Best Organizing Tip of All

It came to me one day, as I thought on organizing households and tips for doing such, that there is one tip that trumps all the rest! As a mom I can use space savers, and have a place for everything, and use a planner, and straighten up the house to keep me sane, but unless the rest of the people in my house share in my mission, it's really a hopeless one! Therefore, I submit to you, that the Best Organizing Tip of All is to Train Our Children!!

I've often heard moms with large families or older children say, "Oh, I have a lot of help!" And as my children get older, I see the truth of that! But, I also realize the truth of the fact that they don't become "a lot of help" all on their own!! So, while the secret to an organized household lies in our children learning the skill and putting it to practice, ultimately the ball lands squarely back in mom's lap!

So how do you do it? I'm asking for your input again: How do you teach your children to "be a lot of help"? Summer is coming up and I've been thinking about things I should teach my 10 and 12 year olds, any good ideas? And how do you make sure the younger ones learn the same skills the older ones did, any good tips? Do you teach certain chores at certain ages? Go by the abilities of individual children? Let their interests be a cue? Not every family does it the same or has to do it the same, but what works for you?

If you have some input to my questions (or ideas for things I haven't even mentioned!) jot them down and send me an email at christopherbethany@juno.com I'll read them eagerly and share them with everyone sometime in May! I'll round up a few ideas we've used in this house too, and maybe we can all become a little better at putting to use this Best Organizing Tip of All!