In Honor Of Fathers

*This poem was written six years ago and I thought I would share it again on this Father's Day.

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It's been on my mind, 

And weighed on my heart

Til I've picked up a pen

And decided to start...

The subject is Fathers,
This thing on my mind,
To the value of Fathers
It seems we are blind.

To bring forth a child,
Two people are needed -
A man, and a woman,
This must be conceded.

Perhaps it's just me,
Or maybe it's true?
It seems that the Mothers
Get all the ado.

The sermons on Mothers
Seem heaped full of praise,
While Dads are admonished
To change in their ways.

Mom's work, we are told,
Just never gets done,
It's true - round the clock
She is seen on the run.

But come rain or shine,
Come heat, hail or snow,
Those bills must be paid,
As all Father's know!

So, off they will go
To work once again
It's not just for fun,
And it never will end.

I also have heard,
That Mother's famed spot
Cannot be replaced
By one who is not.

Now, that is a puzzle,
Cause on Mother's Day
The Dad's often cook,
And take Mom's spot away.

But come Father's Day
There's never an offer
Of - "I'll go to work
To fill up the coffer"!

The Mother's find flowers,
Fine roses and such.
(Well, give those to dad's
And it wouldn't mean much.)

But a big candy bar,
Or a note of respect
Might do the same thing
For a dad, I expect.

If you think my goal
Is to put Mother's down
Then I understand
Why I've caused you to frown.

But that's not my goal,
Not is it my aim,
I think that the Father's
Deserve just the same --

The same praise as Mother's,
The honor, respect,
Their God-given spot
We so often reject.

Please give it some thought,
And see if it's true.
Let's raise up our Father's -
Give them some ado!

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A very happy Father's Day to dads everywhere but particularly to
 the Father of these ones......

 You have a very special and important spot to fill!!

Story #2 (part three)

We're ready for the third and final part of our second How We Met story. If you missed the other parts, start reading here.

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Ernie:
After praying about this for several more months I finally concluded that God was letting it up to me to decide whether I wanted to pursue this relationship again or not.   I couldn't forget about her… and she wasn't getting married to anyone else.  It was now nine years since we had dated.

So, “God… what next?”  I called Cathy's dad and he was favorable toward the idea of me asking Cathy about dating again but warned me that she may not be ready for a relationship in light of what happened to her friend.

I decided to go ahead and ask Cathy for her friendship and see what would happen. But I had a problem. I had no suitable stationary and Walmart was 14 miles away! I would need to drive to town to get some. However, before I had a chance to make that trip, the church youth met for supper at an elderly couple's house. I won a door prize (the first in my life) and it turned out to be a box of Thomas Kincaid notecards. I was in a whirl the rest of the evening. Later I realized, these were not just ordinary Kincaid cards…they were lighthouse cards. And from the dim recesses of my mind I remembered that lighthouses were Cathy's thing! When God does something, He makes sure it is done right! So, I wrote Cathy a letter using my new “God-given stationary”.

Five long weeks later, after I had moved to CBS for the winter, my letter/card came back marked, “No such address”. I “clocked out” for a couple hours and went to Bethel Springs Church across the creek from CBS to talk to God about this for awhile. Then I called Cathy's Dad to explain what happened and inform him that I would need some time to discern what God was trying to say through all of this.

Cathy:
Dad dropped the bombshell of telling me about Ernie's phone call.  “What about what happened to my friend!"…..I hardly knew how to handle this possibility. I/we didn't know if Ernie would make contact again or not. I wished Dad hadn't even told me. However, I knew that if Ernie would make contact again, I could use some preparation and healing time. For a month, I didn't discuss this with anyone except the Lord. Not even my parents. After the month was up, I talked with them briefly, but basically asked that they pray. After all, we still didn't know if he would try again or not.

Ernie
I didn't have time to pursue the relationship further until after CBS, so had a few months more of waiting that winter. During that time I wondered whether God was telling me just to drop it… but then I remembered those lighthouse cards…He had given me 12 of them. : )

Cathy:
After a wonderful, enriching trip to KS in March, reconnecting with some single girlfriends of mine, I arrived home to mom telling me to check my mail. I knew right away…….

Battles, questions, trust, …It didn't work 10 years ago, why did I even think it might work now? I wasn't sure it was even worth the effort to find out……………especially after such a satisfying time with my single friends.

For about 2 weeks, I wavered between “yes” and “no”. I struggled with many fears. Finally one evening, I was ready to get to the bottom of it. Was I struggling because God was trying to tell me “No, Cathy, this is not for you," or was I struggling because of my natural fears & apprehensions. God reminded me of this verse: “For God, has not given us the spirit of fear, but of power, of love, and of a sound mind”. Finally, I had peace about considering the possibility of dating again. My heart was quiet & ready for whatever God showed me to do next.

I emailed Ernie some questions. His answers were much more detailed than I expected, and went a long way in setting some of my fears at rest.

Together:
In our new relationship, it felt like we got further in the first 2 weeks than we did in the 8 months previously. Lots of things had been learned and it was now the better time. We still had lots of opportunities to trust and wait on each other, but God cleared our path beautifully.

Today, we are sometimes asked if those 10 in-between years feel like a waste. It's easy to answer with a “no”. We could have gotten married back then, but we shudder to think of the big bumps & hurdles we would have needed to face trying to learn communication and relating skills while raising a family. Waiting on God's timing prepared us for a satisfying life together!

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Thank you so much, Ernie and Cathy, for being willing to share your story! I love hearing the many creative and unusual ways God writes our stories. He is certainly not limited to our neat little formulas for a happy life. Wishing you a happy 10th anniversary this year and many, many more to come!

Story #2 (part two)

We're ready for How We Met story #2 part 2. You can go here to read part 1.

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Cathy:
It was about 7 years later, and I had heard very little about Ernie…I still remember the amazement & shock I felt when my brother discovered in the Calvary Bible School (CBS) handbook that Ernest Eby would be dean at CBS. This position just didn't fit the Ernie I had known, so I was tuned in for anything I might learn about this.

Ernie:
During those seven years, I would sometimes think about Cathy but figured that she would probably never be interested in dating again.  While at Calvary Bible School, my interest in starting a relationship again started to revive. I met people who knew her, and met people we had related with together while we were dating.  I began wondering whether God would open doors again or whether he wanted me to stay single for life.  I hardly trusted myself or Him anymore… what if dating again would end in another disaster.  I would not be able to forgive myself…

Cathy:
Soon after hearing Ernie would be serving at CBS, 3 people “hinted” about Ernie to me. One lady that I really respected out of the blue told me, “if Ernie would ever come knocking on your door again, you should seriously consider.” I kept answering by saying: “I'll cross that bridge if it comes”. I honestly had no clue if I was interested, besides, I had no reason to think he even remembered me. I had no idea what to think.  I remember praying “God, if you're preparing me for something, guide me.” Nothing happened. I took it as another test to see if I would truly be happy as a single.

Ernie:
In 2003 I moved to Arkansas. Church wise this opened the door for me to date Cathy again if I wanted to.  I was living alone in a cabin and was more aware of how nice it would be to have a life companion.  Is  Cathy the one???

Cathy:
August of 2004, I heard in a round-about way that Ernie would be in my area for a wedding. Then I discovered he could be at a youth activity….I was so tempted not to go that evening, I just didn't want to face dealing with thoughts, feelings, questions,  etc that could come up. And the last thing I wanted to do, was give him any idea that I could be interested in him…I was feeling foolish that I was even thinking along those lines, and yet, the idea was there and needed to be faced. I realized that to stay away that evening, just because I MIGHT meet him, was foolish. I told God I would go, I would be friendly (I really didn't do so well with that one…) and the situation would be left in His hands.

Well, Ernie WAS there. At one point we did end up on the same volleyball team, playing beside each other. Even though I had ignored him earlier in the evening, I knew I had to be friendly at that point. We chatted some, and that was the extent of it. I really was able to lay aside all the questions & “what-ifs” I had faced earlier.

Ernie:
God arranged the meeting… and I was glad to see that Cathy had also grown and matured and that she had not drawn into a shell because of our first relationship. I went home and continued praying about this.

Cathy:
About a month later, my best friend's engagement was broken, just weeks before her wedding.  That was really hard on me. My first comments to my parents were: “I'm so thankful that I'm not dating now. I don't know if it would last through this.” I closed up my heart against ever getting hurt like that.

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Part three coming Friday......

Story #2 (part one)

My second "How We Met" story is a unique one shared by friends from our Arkansas years. Chris' shop in AR was located on Ernie's property, so we have lots of good memories of time spent with Ernie and Cathy Eby and their girls. They now live in PA and us in OH but we still count each other as friends, in fact, we just had the privilege of hosting them for supper last week! 

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Ernie:
Waiting has been a challenge for me all my life. All my growing up years, I could hardly wait to… go to school, go to high school, get my driver's license, leave father and mother, start a business, move to a wilderness frontier, be a missionary somewhere, and get married.

God has had lots of work to do on me.  Through a long process, God brought me to the place where I was willing to be content as long as I knew Him.

When I was 22 and Cathy was 25, we met for the first time.  I don't know to this day what it was that attracted me to her.  Our introduction to each other had no impact on her whatsoever, but I couldn't forget her.

Cathy:
There's a sense in which we hesitate to share our story. We do not by any means want to leave the idea that if you wait long enough, God will bring that right someone to you to marry. Maybe God wants you to pursue a beautiful love relationship with the Lord Jesus Christ, just like you would build a dating relationship! This is a challenge that has struck home to both of us since we've been married. So we share our story as a situation in our lives where we can clearly see God's Hand at work through circumstances and according to His timing.

Ernie:
After about six months of thinking, praying, visiting her home community, visiting her classroom, and counseling with others, I decided to so something that I would not necessarily recommend anyone doing… I decided to ask a complete stranger for her friendship. I needed to send a picture along of myself just in case she had a face for me.

Cathy:
One day I got this letter…from a complete stranger. I called my parents and then began to realize some of the “research” Ernie had already put into this! We dated for 8 months. I can remember some good times, but confusion/turmoil colored most of those months. We came to an agreement to part ways, and our paths rarely crossed in those next years.

Ernie:
I was also confused.  Looking back, I wasn't fit to be a husband or a father at all, but when we are young, we don't know such things.  We think we are all competent and mature enough to do anything. If someone of my maturity would come to me now about whether they should pursue a lady they are attracted to, I would probably advise them to grow up a bit first. After we parted ways, I spent the next several years trying to figure out what God had said and was trying to say. I began to deal with a lot of issues in my life that would have kept me from being a good husband and father.  Bitterness, pride, greed, selfishness…

There came a time when I realized I needed to release the relationship to God and be ok with trusting him even though He didn't explain to me why our dating relationship ended so confusingly.  At the same time I began building strong, close relationships with some other godly men.  (Up until that time, I did not have really close relationships with people of my own gender.)

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       Stay tuned for part two on Wednesday........

Story #1: Finding Love At Unexpected Times And Places (Part 2)

* It's story time, and we are in the middle of our first "How We Met" story. Go here to read part 1. Miss Mennonite was determined that no bachelor would derail her goal of a bachelor degree in nursing...

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But Mr. Beachy was reconsidering his noble intentions of avoiding a relationship. He had tried dating before with less than stellar results. But there was just something about Miss Mennonite- he couldn’t get her out of his mind. So he did what all the young men at that VS unit did- he confided in an older & wiser mentor. Mr. Mentor said ‘let her go home, put some distance between you and see if your feelings remain the same’. Now this was good advice, but Mr. Beachy knew that Miss Mennonite was not supposed to go to college if she was dating so he wrestled with his duty to inform her of his changing intentions before any money was invested.

Then came the first speed bump. Miss Mennonite was about to be scheduled for her last rotation on night duty shift. Rumor was floating through the halls that the staff could now request their co-workers for their last night duty. Miss Mennonite excitedly mused to her girlfriends that she would request her BFF and Mr. Beachy because they had so much fun together on the previous rotation. Off she went to the Unit Leader’s office to make her request. But a last minute case of nerves [or divine providence] caused her to first inquire if the rumor was true. Being told she could request, but it may or may not be granted, she scaled back her request to her BFF only. Miss Mennonite went back to work and never mentioned the change to her girlfriends. When the schedule was posted on the bulletin board, not only was the BFF on night duty… so was Mr. Beachy! It didn’t take long for word to circulate that Miss Mennonite had requested them both. Mr. Beachy had some definite ideas about who should do the pursuing in a relationship and thought to himself “I will not be chased!” He marched off to the office to inquire if Miss Mennonite had indeed requested to work with him. To his relief, she had not. But for the grace of God, their love story very nearly ended before it began.

Miss Mennonite was aware of none of this until later. (Thank God she grew up in a family of boys and was intimately aware of the foolishness of girls who flirt. Tales of such girls’ exploits & laughter around the supper table will cure one of that fate.) She was also blissfully unaware that Mr. Beachy was privately interviewing all her girlfriends to see if they thought he stood a chance. He was very aware of her tenacity to finish what she set her mind to and doubted his ability to derail her single vision.

Thus it was that in the wee hours of the morning, in between rounds on the night duty shift, that Mr. Beachy screwed up his courage and confessed to Miss Mennonite that he could no longer abide by their ‘just friends’ status. The BFF knew the deed had been done when a very rattled Miss Mennonite avoided Mr. Beachy like the plague for the rest of their shift. She was angry & confused. She was so sure God had been leading her to a medical career. What was up with this? To turn him down and stick with her Plan A would mean the death of a good friendship; to accept would mean kissing her lifelong dream good-bye. She wanted both. Why did he have to mess up everything?!! Put your life on hold and call me in 4 years she wanted to say.Oh, the tears & prayers!

In agony, she did what any self-respecting girl would do- she called her mother. Now Miss Mennonite’s parents had seen the budding relationship and were not surprised by the phone call. With great calmness, the mother advised her daughter to go on one date and see what happens. One date is not a lifetime commitment, she said. In theory this is true, but Miss Mennonite knew in her heart that she was at a crossroad- making a major decision whether she would stick with her own Plan A or accept God’s Plan B. A decision that would alter history. Yet the calm reaction went a long way in taming the turmoil. Meanwhile Mr. Beachy was praying fervently that she would make the right choice.

Miss Mennonite took the advice of accepting one date. And Mr. Beachy ‘pulled out all the stops’ to plan an unforgettable evening. As fate would have it, Miss Mennonite had some visitors arrive minutes before the appointed hour. Speed Bump #2. Her guests didn’t know a single other soul on campus –nor their disastrous timing- so she had no choice but to extend good southern hospitality and leave Mr. Beachy awkwardly sitting in front of the girls dorm, fearing she had changed her mind and was standing him up. After that terrible beginning, the rest of the evening was magical.  Miss Mennonite didn’t even know there were such lovely places in the hillbilly Ozarks. And she nearly swooned when he ordered spaghetti!Who does this? Who orders something so difficult to eat with poise on a first date?!  Certainly not the jittery Miss Mennonite. Everything had changed- the man she used to be able to talk with for hours now made her nervous. Yet somehow by evening’s end she knew it would be okay to go with Plan B.

That was 1990. We got married in Nov. 1991. It hasn’t been all roses, moonlight walks and happily ever after. Yes, there has been some of that, but there has been plenty of drama & huge adjustments too –not to each other, but for Miss Mennonite to become Mrs. Beachy. For his people to become her people (Ruth 2), with their odd customs and rules. But 25 years, 3 children and many, many miles later, the ride has been worthwhile.

All because two people fell in love...

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Thank you so much, Cheryl, for sharing your story with us. Congratulations on 25 years of marriage! May you be blessed with many, many more.

Story #1: Finding Love At Unexpected Times And Places (Part 1)

My first storyteller is from close to home. Richard and Cheryl Miller and their family attend the same church we do. Cheryl and I share an enjoyment for writing and (a discovery made while working together on the food committee) a mutual dislike for making phone calls! This year marks 25 years of marriage for them, so it seemed like a good time to do some reminiscing. 

You can enjoy more of Cheryl's writing by visiting her blog The Latest Scoop. And now for part 1 of their story.....

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Once upon a time there was a Mennonite girl who grew up on the east coast relatively happy & secure, in the middle of a family of boys. She dreamed of being a nurse from the time she was a little girl. She was ambitious, disciplined and tenacious about finishing what she started. Life was good.

In the Mennonite culture, most young ladies grow up to be wives & mothers. Not career women. “A woman’s place is in the home” is part of the Mennonite holy grail, and many a young lady dreams of nothing else than being a mommy from the time she is old enough to hold a doll. But not this young lady –she never fit that mold. In a school report about her goals in life, the husband was halfway down the page and children were at the end. Unlike secular society, Mennonite teens don’t automatically expect to go to college when they finish high school. Higher education was not the norm, especially back in the 90s. College degrees were expensive and not to be entered into lightly, then thrown away when Mr. Right came along. Thus this girl’s parents placed a condition on her quest for an RN degree – she was allowed to go to college as long as she was not dating.

Various persons who had an inside scoop on the medical field advised her to get a job as a CNA first- start at the bottom of the totem pole. They nodded their heads sagely and agreed “The best nurses are the ones who aren’t afraid to get their hands dirty, ones that do more than hand out pills, the ones that know how to do the grunt work.”

Now this young lady was also interested in doing some voluntary service work. She was introduced by a co-worker to Hillcrest, a nursing home in far off Arkansas that used VS staff. Two birds with one stone! She applied and was accepted; she acquired a whole new wardrobe and merrily moved halfway across the country at the ripe old age of 17 (almost 18). 

You have to understand that in the culture she came from, young people went into VS when they were 17 or 18 because typically they got married when they were 18 or 19. To reach the age of 20 and still be unattached was to begin withdrawing from the youth group as an old maid. She did not believe she was doing anything unusual by waltzing off to Hillcrest as a teenager  –she was simply on a quest. Despite some bumpy adjustments to the Beachy culture, she loved her job. Taking care of the elderly was interesting, though not her intended future specialty. And she was delighted to discover the whole world does not operate on a schedule that deems one an ‘old maid’ by age 21. There was plenty of time to pursue a 4 year degree and only then start thinking about marriage. Plan A was falling into place perfectly. True, it meant hanging out with folks that believe growing out male facial hair is holy & sanctioned by God and –horror of horrors- believed in the cute but sacrilegious practice of putting a headship covering –with strings!- on little girls who had not yet submitted their life to Christ. But there was time to worry about that later. 
    

About 6 months into this VS stint, a certain young Beachy man from the Midwest received a plea to fill a VS position at the same nursing home. The medical field was no interest of his, but he was willing to forsake the family business and invest a year of service, so he agreed to give it a whirl. He traded in truck keys and mechanic tools for white uniforms, wheelchairs and bedpans.  

Given some time –and possibly a little covert help from the Unit Leader who handled the scheduling- Miss Mennonite & Mr. Beachy found their paths crossing with great regularity. There were no fireworks, no love at first sight. But they worked together, played together, worshiped together. They simply got along exceptionally well. They mutually agreed they were just friends, nothing more. This gave them the delicious freedom to be themselves, no expectations. By this time Miss Mennonite had applied to the college of her choice back home and was accepted into the program. She had her eye on the goal –a bachelor degree in nursing, and no bachelor was going to derail her!

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      Stay tuned for Part 2 on Thursday....

Story Time Coming Up

Happy 15th Anniversary to us!

If you've been reading here very long, you know that June is story time ... or it has been for the past couple of years. This year, I'm planning to spend the month of June sharing some "How We Met" stories with you again!

I think love stories are a vivid example of God's creativity, not to mention His amazing ability to take a wide variety of circumstances and people and bring them together to make something beautiful.

I also think looking back at the story of how we met our own spouse is a good way to rekindle the memory of just what it was that drew us to that person in the first place. It can be quite interesting to go down memory lane together - you might even discover some tidbit you never knew before!

A number of years ago Chris and I wrote our story for a friend we had only 'met' via email. We had so much fun traveling down memory lane and putting our story together for her in a series of short emails. I later shared a version of it on my blog.

So, ready for story time? I have several friends who have agreed to share their stories with us this month and I'm excited about sharing them with you. I will be starting with the first one on Monday. In the mean time, you can read our story here. If you like "How We Met" stories as much as I do, you can also read the ones I shared in 2014, and 2015. I'll be back Monday with the first story in this year's story time!