Turtle Heart -- A Review and A Giveaway

Four years ago, I talked here about a book by Lucinda (then) Miller. Today, I am happy to tell you about another book by the same author, although her last name has now been changed by her marriage to Ivan Kinsinger.

Luci is gifted in the art of story telling. In Turtle Heart you will find the same layers of emotion and honesty that drew readers into her book Anything But Simple. While enjoying the story line and the eccentricities of Luci's friend, Charlene, you will also find yourself digging deeply to examine hard questions. Questions like how to meet people where they are, like Jesus did. Questions about different cultures and acceptance. Questions about things foreign to a sheltered Mennonite world, like splintered families and homosexuality. 

There are many ways that I identify with Luci, in her story. Her description of herself as a youth and young adult could, quite easily, have been describing me:

"No one hates me and no one loves me because no one really knows me. I constantly wear a smile on my face because I want everyone to think I am enjoying myself, that I have friends somewhere, just around a corner. 

I am a young adult, more confident, but still commonly described as "sweet" -- a word I both love and hate. Hate, because it defines me as passive and without spine. Love, because it protects me. People treat me kindly because I am sweet."

I also identify deeply with her difficulty to stand up for herself and say no. It is helpful to listen to her navigate her own humanity -- feelings of resentment at being taken advantage of -- and her deep longing to be Jesus in skin to her friend. One does not have to cancel out the other, when apologies are given and we get up and try again.... and again. 

I love how Luci shares her struggles with hard questions about God and Faith. I am, by nature, an "accept-er" and some of her questions are not ones I have dealt with deeply myself, but now have children who do. Her father's wisdom in providing answers, when he can, but simply confessing "I don't know", when he doesn't, was powerful. In Luci's own words:

"...there is tremendous release in these words: "I don't know." I begin to realize I don't need to know everything, and that not knowing is necessary to living."

The fact that Luci has poured her heart and soul into Turtle Heart is evident throughout the book. She has opened the doors to her inner self and confessed thoughts and feelings that are vulnerable and raw. Through her words, she holds out her heart with open hands, asking the reader to handle it gently. Hoping against hope that as you do, you too will begin to see and love the people around you -- the ones who are like you, and the ones who are so very different -- through the eyes of Jesus. 

If you would like to read Turtle Heart yourself, you can order online through Amazon, or Barnes and Noble or order an autographed copy directly from Luci at lucindajkinsinger@gmail.com. 

Luci is generously allowing me to give away one copy of her book to my readers! If you would like to be included in the giveaway, leave a comment below (or via email or Facebook), and I will choose a winner on September 30, one week from today. US addresses only. 

My Father's Touch

When the world weighs heavy on your shoulders, sometimes the best thing to do is grab your camera, and search for beauty.......

Oh, the perfection of the artist!

Even in the humble marigold.... 

The changing of colors....

The mixture of textures....

Why, hello there!

The unfolding of the flowers...

The cheer from the simple...

Inside, as well as outside...

The touch of the Father is everywhere 

when you take the time to pause

 and look for it.

Remembering

August 2006

I was twenty-seven that year. Mom of two, ages four and two, this pregnancy had been planned for, prayed for, and celebrated. This was a first for us. Not that the previous pregnancies had been unwanted or uncelebrated, but this time we had been in control of the timing and everything about it was perfect and exciting. The euphoria lasted two weeks, then I discovered I was miscarrying.

It's a little hard for me to remember, with the distance of fifteen years passing, how very difficult that experience was for me. If I'm honest, I don't think I grieved the loss of my child, so much as the loss of my perfect little plan. Why wouldn't God have wanted it to work out? Why? Why did He let it happen? 

And then, for one excruciatingly long year, I couldn't get pregnant. 

It seems ridiculous now, to remember how difficult that was. So many people go through years of infertility, and here I was with two lovely children already! But you don't know, when you're in the middle of a hard thing, how long it will last. Maybe there was something wrong that needed to be fixed. Maybe we would never have any more children. Maybe there would be a huge gap in our children's ages. Maybe this wondering and holding my breath every month and not being pregnant would go on forever.

That year was agonizingly long. I shake my head now, thinking of the tears and anguish that my husband endured. In the moment, the longing and the pain were so real -- I wanted a baby. The smallest of comments, from people who had no idea what I was carrying inside, stung and cut and hurt.

Finally, I made an appointment to have my thyroid checked. The doctor was booked three weeks out, but at least I was doing something. And then? Then, in the mean time, I didn't get my period and the pregnancy test -- those awful things I had come to hate and nearly refused to take -- was positive!

Our rainbow baby was born March 30, 2008.

January 2009

My baby was nine months old and I felt sick; nauseous. The feeling persisted. What was going on? Surely I couldn't be? No. Not that. But I was.

I looked at the positive pregnancy test, and I cried. I wasn't ready for this; no. Too soon! I didn't want to tell anyone. Why? So many things were wildly out of control in our lives already, how could we handle this too? My midwife laughed and said, "God does have a sense of humor. First you're crying because you want a baby, now you're crying because you don't want a baby. Somewhere He is saying, 'Make up your mind, lady!'"

Lillian Bethany

8 lb 14 oz  21 in long

Perfect in every way

(A note to mothers everywhere: it is possible to go at least three years without a menstrual period. Ask me how I know.)

September 3, 2021

My surprise baby is twelve today.

Almost every year, I remember. I remember the confusion and pain of God disrupting my tidy, good plan. I remember the year of longing and heartache and not knowing. I remember the joy and excitement of the first, unexpected positive test that I longed for and the shock and confusion of the second, surprise one. I look at my two girls, seventeen months apart, and I smile.

I'm not sure why I felt compelled to share my remembering this year. I think I have mentioned some of these details on my blog before, but never quite in this way. 

It is good to look back, and remember. I don't know why God chose to plan our family the way He did. I can't look back and see, "Oh. It's good it was that way because x-y-z that I didn't know". I think, mostly, He wanted me to learn how little control I ultimately have over my life, and how very capable He is of handling the details.

Maybe, I needed to look back and write it out, because I need that lesson today just as much as I needed it then.

Pretty Much Normal

I lay in bed and the tears just wouldn't stop seeping out of my eyes. I could easily have burst into full out sobs, but how silly would that have been? Every sentimental bone in my body ached, as I went over every little detail I was nervous worried about. Mentally, I counted up the months... seventeen of them. Seventeen months I'd been with my four youngest children almost every single day. Seventeen months we'd done everything together -- worked, played, argued, learned, fought, talked, laughed, cried. Seventeen months, we'd kind of been each other's everything. Tomorrow, they would go back to school.

Everyone has had their version of  'crazy' from 2020 and it's aftermath; this is mine. 

Seventeen months ago, school closed. I went from five days a week at home alone, to never being home alone, plus homeschooling and foster care. Twelve months ago, we chose to homeschool, and embarked on an adventure I never, ever wanted. Now, I cried, because the adventure was ending.

I don't know if I'll ever fully understand what these past seventeen months have been about. I feel like a completely different person than I did that day school closed so many months ago; a person I'm not really sure I know or recognize. It feels like our family has been in this sort of incubation period, where we've needed to learn to dig deeper, lean in closer and grow together, in a unique and different way. Now, it's time to turn that loose, and sort of reintegrate back into the real world. It's kind of scary for all of us.

That all sounds overly dramatic and a bit ridiculous and it probably is. This morning, I sent the four scholars off to school and practically danced around the empty house shouting hallelujah! Two days from now, I'll probably be crying into my pillow again. Maybe, after all, I'm simply losing my mind?

I feel like I have a lot of soul sorting to do in these next quiet days at home. I have just as many conflicting feelings about that, as the sad tears and happy dancing I just described above. 

Yesterday, I cried over the first day of school and Facebook memories from ten years ago.

Ten years ago: 

First day of school in Ohio

Re-enactment picture

before Isaac left for work

I went to town and bought groceries and had to call my husband to instruct me on what to do for my overheated van.

I picked up school children and discovered my youngest had thrown up at school twice on the first day.

I packed up clothes for my husband, who left on a work related fishing adventure.

I doled out purple medicine and emergenC to multiple children coming down with colds and sore throats.

I went to bed, and hoped for the best.

Maybe, after all, life is overly dramatic and a bit ridiculous. 

Today, I'll clean my dirty floors and sew the back to school dress that didn't get finished and hang out the never ending laundry... and marvel at the silence. Tomorrow, we'll take the emotions and drama that the day brings and go from there. It's pretty much all we can do, and it might even be pretty much normal.

Odds and Ends and Things Not Of General Interest

If you are familiar with the book "Cheaper By The Dozen", you immediately recognize the reference in my title. I feel like I have nothing of great importance to say -- things that Frank Gilbreth would have marked 'not of general interest' -- but I'm gonna give you a hodge podge anyway. 

We've spent a good bit of time the last few days peeling and cutting up peaches to put in the freezer. This was a fun book to listen to while we worked. 

We listened to it on Libby, read by the author, which made it very entertaining. She has fantastic, practical tips for decluttering and we all enjoyed her humor. Highly recommend. 

I also highly recommend having a husband who brings these home and sticks them in the freezer for his wife. 

I'll generally decline ice cream, and I'm not that much of a candy fan. Like my mom, I usually can't resist a candy bar, but these? These are over the top. I love them. 

It has rained and rained and then thunder stormed again in Ohio the past two weeks. We thought we might need to borrow the Amish neighbor's boat directly. 

Our grass was looking like we should invite the Amish neighbor's horses over for a free smorgasbord. Isaac finally got a bunch of it mowed today. 

I don't listen to podcasts a lot. I'm not particularly a fan of them, honestly. Every once in awhile I'll listen to one and actually love it. One that I do listen to fairly regularly is Couple Things with former Olympic Gymnast Shawn Johnson and her husband Andrew East. They are kind of the most unlikely people for a little ol Mennonite mom like me to listen to -- wildly different backgrounds and lifestyles, but I think that's why I find it so interesting and intriguing. Their faith and commitment to their marriage are not so very different from my own and it's eye opening to listen to people with a different world view. They host a wide variety of couples on their podcast and, while I don't always agree with all of their beliefs, I have come away inspired many, many times. 

Next week, school starts. It still does not seem real at all that I will be home alone five days a week again and I have a lot of emotions about it.  Pretty sure I will sit down and have a good, long cry and then I plan to sit on my recliner, put up my feet, and eat the silence and solitude with a spoon.

* * * * *

And now, I will leave you to decide if this hodge podge was of general interest or whether, like Mr Gilbreth, you are bored stiff. 

'Dad was the one who decided what subjects were of general interest. Since he was convinced that everything he uttered was interesting, the rest of the family had trouble getting a word in edgewise. 

"Honestly, we have the stupidest boy in our history class," Anne would begin. 

"Is he cute?" Ernestine asked. 

"Not of general interest," Dad roared. 

"I'm interested," Mart said. 

"But I," Dad announced, "am bored stiff. Now, if Anne had seen a two-headed boy in history class, that would have been of general interest." '         ~Cheaper by the Dozen

Just For You If You Like Yellow Squash

Remember all those little yellow squash, hanging on my enormous plant?

Well, they grew, and grew, and have produced a bumper crop!

I love squash fried in lots of butter and cornmeal, seasoned with onion and salt and pepper. (It's good on butter bread!)

But after awhile, even I can only eat so many fried squash. I haven't convinced many others in this family to join my squash feasts -- the funny thing is, I used to feel the same way when my mom tried to interest me back in the day. I'm honestly not sure when I started liking them?

So, anyway. I decided to go looking for a different squash recipe. I found a super simple one, and is it ever good! Thought y'all might enjoy it too. 

Yellow Squash Casserole

   ° 2 Cups sliced yellow squash

   ° 1/4 Cup chopped onion

   ° 20 Ritz Crackers, crushed

   ° 1/2 Cup shredded cheddar cheese

   ° 1 Egg

   ° 6 T milk 

   ° 1/8 Cup butter, melted

   ° 1/2 tsp Salt

   ° Black Pepper to taste

   ° 1 1/2 T melted butter

Preheat oven to 400 degrees. 

Place squash and onion in skillet over medium heat; add small amount of water. Cover and cook until squash is tender, about 5 min. Drain well and place in bowl. 

In a bowl, mix together cracker crumbs and cheese. Stir half of the cracker mixture into the squash and onions. In a small bowl, mix together egg and milk, then add to squash mixture. Stir in 1/8 C melted butter and season with salt and pepper. Spread into a greased baking dish. 

Mix 1 1/2 T melted butter with remaining cracker mixture and sprinkle over top. 

Bake at 400 for 25 minutes or until lightly browned.

(Recipe could easily be doubled for a larger pan)

After I could hardly stop eating the stuff, I started googling "how to can yellow squash in a water bath". Found a recipe for that too! Tried a jar of canned squash in the recipe, and it worked perfect. 

Canned Squash

   ° 4-5 squash

   ° small onion

   ° 4 T apple cider vinegar

   ° 3 1/2 C water

   ° 3/4 T canning salt

1. Bring water, vinegar and salt to a boil

2. Cut squash into small pieces; chop onion

3. Parboil squash and onion in vinegar mixture for about 5 min

4. Scoop squash from vinegar mixture into prepared jars. Remove liquid from heat and ladle into jars. Wipe rims clean and seal jars. Process pints 15 minutes and quarts 20 minutes. 

I used jars with twist lids, you can use regular canning jars, of course. 

I was worried you would taste the vinegar and so I rinsed the squash before using it in the casserole. They tasted fine! Too bad I didn't discover this earlier in the summer before I gave squash away... I must say though, it was fun to be able to give away garden produce for a change. 

Enjoy!

These Busy Days

Well. I did not mean to go silent for two weeks running! Somehow the time got away from me, and here we are. Nothing says (end) of summer like rushing around willy nilly doing all the things, I guess. 

A week ago we were all breathing an exhausted sigh of relief after six days of going away every night for VBS. We were in charge this year, and being the Eicher/ Gingerich combo that we are, we couldn't possibly just do the normal thing of ordering a curriculum and doing what's usually done. We had a lot of fun brainstorming and tweaking ideas and being creative but I won't lie, there was a lot of blood, sweat and tears. Not everything went nearly as perfectly behind the scenes as it might have appeared. While we might be a very creative family with some wonderful talents, we are not perfect. We knock heads and hurt each other's feelings and have our issues, just like everyone else. 

At the end of the day, I think we learned some valuable lessons and hopefully a whole crew of children learned some things and had a good time in the process. 

Preparing bags of candy for a treasure hunt after the picnic Friday night. 

We went straight from the intensity of Bible school last week, to the hard work of putting up piles of fresh veggies this week. Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday, we saw enough corn and green beans to last us for a while!

Everyone pitched in Monday evening to finish up the corn. Isaac even learned the fine art of cutting corn off the cob -- I told him his wife would thank him someday. 

Those were some of the biggest ears of corn I have ever seen! Yum. Summer time is just the best, hard work and all. 

Friday we headed out first thing to do some school shopping.

I am glad I don't need to do that every day. Shopping, in general, is not my favorite thing in the world and shopping with four people in tow does not enhance my appreciation of the chore. Shopping for shoes for those four extra people is one of my least favorite things of all. But we survived. 

Our favorite bit of the day was buying this chair at the Goodwill.

It was priced at 99 cents, but since furniture was 25% off, we got it at the extraordinarily low price of 79 cents. We figured at that price we could use it as is, try our hand at restoration, or throw it over the bluff if all else failed!

Two more weeks until school starts, and they already look like they'll be full of all kinds of things. I don't know when I'll have time to sit down and unwind my brain and sift through all the things that are hiding under the surface there. I took a few minutes Thursday morning and ended up with more tears and words spilling out everywhere than I quite knew what to do with. I think I'd rather just bury my nose in some old book and not bother.

Onward and upward........