Thoughts About Relationships

I have been thinking a lot about relationships lately -- what is it that makes good relationships? How do you build trust? What fosters friendliness and goodwill toward each other?

I think one of the single most important things in having good relationships, is learning to understand other people. The ability to put yourself in someone else's shoes is not a skill that comes naturally for most people. 

The forsythia starts that I planted 

four years ago when we moved into this house 

finally have their first little blossoms!

There's probably a number of things that contribute to that, one being that people are simply all so different from each other! A friend of mine commented recently how making food is therapeutic; I confess, I failed to come up with a scenario in which food prep might serve that purpose for me. Or we have people like my husband, who feel the closest to others when they engage in animated discussions, the like of which would typically send me looking for a bed to crawl under. The goal in understanding these things is not so much to determine right or wrong/ better or worse responses and feelings. The goal is to recognize what is true to the other person, so that we can view their actions accordingly: Making food truly is therapeutic for that person. She is probably not going to stress out about making a snack for x-y-z like I would. Or: loud, animated discussions truly do make people like my husband feel intimacy. Understanding that can help me learn to press in and engage, instead of taking things personal or running away. 

We tend to expect everyone else to respond to life the same way we do -- "I hate to ask her to bring all of the dessert for sewing because that would feel like a lot to me." (Purely being hypothetical here. I would stress out a lot more over preparing, say, a turkey, than dessert for sewing. But you get my point) Or "If I was saying something that loudly, I would be upset. That person must be really annoyed." The fact is, regardless of how true those assumptions may seem to me, they may not be true at all in either of those scenarios. It is easy to see how other people understanding me can be helpful, but it's a whole lot harder to truly believe the other person's truth and put myself in their shoes.

I enjoy personality tests, love languages and the like for the very reason that they are helpful in understanding other people's truth. I know the enneagram is a controversial thing for some people but I have found it to be one of the most valuable tools I've discovered so far in learning to understand other people (not to mention, myself). I think another valuable tool is listening to other people's stories. 

I mentioned Katrina's blog and book last week. I have also immensely enjoyed a podcast she and her husband put out last year. As of now they are no longer putting up new episodes, but I loved their mission with the Voices of Survival podcast: "Voices of Survival shares, in their own voices, the stories of people in our Brady Street, Elkart neighborhood, who have survived difficult times. You provide dignity by listening to their stories. But the stories will provide you with something too: a sense of gratitude for the childhood that you had and a sense of compassion for those who have not had it."

That, in a nutshell, is what listening to each other's stories can do. 

I am woefully behind in reading through the  chronological Bible this year, but I just got done listening to the part in Deuteronomy where Moses admonishes them over and over to remember their story. "Remember where you came from; remember what you've gone through; remember to remember." That's a bit of a bunny trail, maybe. But I think it ties into the thing of telling our stories and understanding where we came from and where we're going. 

I'm just a little excited about them, 

they remind me of my mom...

I'm not always real great with relationships. I'm the person who came through a pandemic feeling like it's just easier to live life without needing to deal with people, remember? The fact is though, in order for most things in life to work smoothly, we need other people. And in order to accomplish anything well with other people, we need good relationships. A big step toward building those good relationships involves learning to understand what it feels like to live life in another person's shoes. It may not be a skill we are naturally born with, but I do think it's one we can learn to be better at!

A Book, A Recipe, & Some Words To Live By

 There is frost on the ground on this first day of spring but the sun is shining, and we have had some lovely glimpses of warmer days coming! While I would say that summer is my favorite season, spring is a close runner up. There is nothing quite like welcoming days of warm sunshine and the slow but sure appearance of green on the landscape. 

A couple of random things to share this morning...

If you are looking for a good book to read or listen to, I've got the perfect title. It's one that you can enjoy with your whole family. 

I have been reading Katrina's blog for quite a long time; I'm not even sure how I came across it. She is a wonderful story teller and I always enjoy reading her tales. She is the author of an impressively long line of books. I hadn't actually read any of them but when she introduced the title of this one, I couldn't resist. 

I kept thinking that I wanted to read this one but I don't buy books very often. I like to read but I'm a lot more of a "order books from the library" girl than a "walls lined with bookcases" one. When I discovered that the book was available on Audible, I snatched it up and couldn't stop listening. It is so good! The book is technically fiction but it's based on a true story and Katrina has done an amazing job of weaving a story from facts and research. You can find all the ordering information here. I didn't let the rest of the family listen to it, because I'm secretly saving it for a big trip we're planning for this summer. It will be a perfect audio book for traveling!

* * * * *

People seem to always love recipes, so even though I'm not a foodie and don't enjoy cooking, it's fun to throw a recipe in now and then. I'm still regularly making the sourdough bread recipe that I shared here. We don't do much else with sourdough; it usually gets brought out roughly once a week, made into bread, and then returned to the fridge. Occasionally Jasmine or I will get inspired to try a random sourdough recipe but it's rare. A couple weeks ago I saw a recipe for sourdough tortillas. Not sure what strange mood I was in that day but I decided to try them. They actually turned out pretty well. They take more thinking ahead than the flour tortillas we normally make but they were tasty and would definitely be worth making again. 

Sourdough Tortillas 

1 C flour, 1/2 C wheat flour, 1/4 tsp salt,       1/4 tsp baking powder (Mix dry ingredients)

2 T lard or shortening (Cut in lard with fork)

1/4 C sourdough starter (mix in with fork)

1/2 C warm water (sprinkle in water until soft dough forms - may not need all water)

Knead a few times until soft. Wrap in plastic wrap and set aside to rest at room temp for at least 4 hours and up to 24 hours.

To make tortillas, divide into 6 pieces and roll out (tortillas will be small). Fry in hot skillet.

Yield - 6 small tortillas 

* * * * * 

Last, but not at all least, the words to live by.

 One day this week I was struggling with an incident that I desperately wished I could go back and erase. You know those times, when you want so desperately to do the right thing; be the right kind of person; say the right words? In fact, you've been running your mouth a lot about how to be and do all of that, and then suddenly you're confronted with being the person who did it all wrong and you just desperately want to erase it all and start over? On top of that, you are overwhelmed with the feeling that if you were trying that hard, and failed, you might as well quit? That's the kind I'm talking about. 

You know what God whispered to me,  through my tears and anguish? He said, "You are not the Savior in this story." It was the quietest, most gentle admonition but it stopped me in my tracks. I wanted desperately to fix it; all of it. I wanted to rush out and explain and smooth and fix and set straight. I was sure that there was so much misunderstanding and unnecessary hurt and it almost killed me to not try to fix it! 

"You are not the Savior in this story." 

Yes, I have a part. Yes, I need to try to live like Jesus. Yes, I need to shoulder my share of responsibility. Yes, I need to admit my failures. But ultimately, this is God's work. That is a freeing, humbling, important realization. 

I don't know if it's a realization that you need but I know that I do. 

Happy first Day of Spring and a good weekend to you!

A Creative Outlet For Children

 * This post contains videos. If you are reading on a phone, you may need to scroll to the bottom and select 'view web version' in order to see the videos. 

I've told you before how my youngest daughter loves making videos. Recently, we discovered the Stop Motion Studio app. 

This app allows you to take a series of pictures and then puts them all together into a video. So, for example, if you wanted to make a video that looked like your doll was walking up the steps, you could take a series of photos in which you moved the doll one step at a time in each picture and in the resulting video the doll would appear to move up the steps on its own. It is possible to make very elaborate scenarios with toys or whatever inanimate objects you desire, really. All it takes is lots of patience, large amounts of creativity and a keen eye for detail. I love seeing what she comes up with and trying to figure out how she did it. Sometimes there is tape involved in the "magic" and, always, lots of time!

Maybe some of the rest of you have children who have a knack for this sort of thing and would enjoy creating videos as well. I thought it might be fun to share a couple of videos here for you and your children's enjoyment. If you want details on how the videos were made, you might have to beg her to share some behind the scenes information, cause I sure don't know all the particulars!

This one isn't very long, but I love the little details and the creativity it took to create it.

This one took 96 separate pictures to create it! We laughed and laughed watching the dog go rolling across the floor. 

I think this might be my favorite one of all. Who wouldn't like to have a self cleaning toilet?!

 * * * * * * * * *

In other news, Science projects have been a big thing around here lately. 

Here, we have an Anemometer, which measures wind speed. It works best to measure the air speed generated by a fan but it does work, is the point. 

And here, we have a Barometer, which measures the air pressure. The past two days, which were nice and sunny, the needle sat about four notches higher then it did this morning. Today's air pressure produced clouds and rain. Pretty cool, huh? 

 * * * * * * * *

QOTD: Charles, while doing his worksheets for spelling: "What does ditched mean?" 

Me, feeling puzzled, and quite sure that ditched is not one of his spelling words: "Where does it say that?"

Charles: "No, not here. In Hank the Cowdog when it says 'Had she finally ditched that bird dog?'" 

Me: I should have known. 

A Winner and February Photo Dump

How I enjoyed reading your comments and putting 'life status' and 'likes' to the names I have no faces for! Thank you so much for commenting and entering the giveaways this month; it would have been no fun at all if you hadn't participated. And now, the winner of the last giveaway is .... Luella, who said: "I enjoy your blog so much because we seem to have a lot in common. I am a homeschooling mom of five, who are just a bit younger than yours (12-3). I have been married 15 years, and I like reading, gardening, and doing puzzles. I live in Ohio so ....anxiously awaiting spring!!!"

Email me your address, Luella, and I will get your surprise package put together and headed your way!

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Thought I'd take a quick look back at February and see what tidbits I could show you... So, here is February, mostly in pictures:

We saw quite a lot of this kind 

of scenery

all throughout the month...

And did quite a lot of this. 

But I can truly say I've 

enjoyed winter this year. 

I don't think I've ever said that once 

in the last 10 years. The secret?

I haven't had to go anywhere!

I should have pictures of sledding too. The children did a LOT of that this year. 

Got up one morning to see this truck stopped in the middle of the hill that goes past our house. Chris managed to leave for work by going right out of our lane, instead of left, and I got to watch the rescue team. The snowplow maneuvered around and backed up to the front of the stranded driver. With the help of a neighbor man, they shoveled cinders in front of each tire and got the poor guy headed on his way!

One day, I drove the car down the lane for Jasmine, and remembered 

why I usually hate winter. 

Do you like my fancy sliding tracks?

Pro tip for a mask crisis while shopping...

(For Mennonite women only)

I turned a year older on the fourth. 

My children sent me into my room in the afternoon with snacks, and instructions not to come out until supper.

It's great having big children!

And then, the weekend after my birthday, Chris and I spent two nights at this cute Airbnb in Teutopolis, IL.

It was a case of November's disappointment becoming February's blessing, because that was not the original plan at all.

My three sisters and I had booked the Airbnb for November (Illinois is halfway between AR and OH) and at the last minute had to cancel because of covid exposure. The kind host let us re-book, and I chose the weekend after my birthday. Alas, by that time my oldest sister had gone back to Belize and the reasons for getting together weren't as strong and winter forecasts weren't that exciting, so Chris and I used it instead. 

It was a very lovely getaway. 

Last, but not least, the annual quiz finale was also in February.

I didn't go along to watch the finals (I confess: I finagled my way into getting a day at home all alone and enjoyed it to the absolute fullest) but I was kept quite informed via texts from a husband who missed his calling as a sports announcer and takes any opportunity to fill that role. 

This is only a small sampling. I can't handle the pressure and literally turned my phone on silent while all the breathtaking events were coming in that led up to our team making it in the finals!

Isaac was the coach for the only team from our school this year. They got a really late start because of covid and not being sure there would be any quizzing at all. They struggled at quiz meets and buckled down hard on studying and we were all amazed to have them make it into the finals and win first place!! Jennifer worked hard at memorizing and I was proud of her. Isaac did a fabulous job of maximizing the strengths of his team members and I was proud of him, too. There's nothing quite like watching your children grow up and take on big responsibilities!

That's it. 

And now it's March and hopefully one step closer to more sunshine and blue skies!

A Month Of Giveaways: Week 4

 It's a new week, the last one in February! I had fun reading your childhood memories relating to church. The winner of last week's giveaway -- the book about my childhood church -- is Bertha Mast! Email your address to christopherbethany@juno.com and I will get your book sent to you!

   * * * * * *

How many of you grew up with Uncle Arthur's Bedtime Story books? 

I did not, but I remember borrowing them from a family from church. My husband is a story lover, and early in our marriage we bought the complete set! All of that to say, I am not giving away a set of Uncle Arthur's Bedtime stories. Sorry. 

I've had many different ideas for this last giveaway -- several different book options, a package of handmade items, letting you choose between various ideas... and then, I thought it might be fun to give away a surprise package. That's what made me think of Uncle Arthur's Bedtime stories. 

The very first story in book number one of our set is about "The Surprise Package Company." Two little children, bored with summer vacation, came up with the idea of inventing The Surprise Package Company. They secretly planned acts of kindness, slipping packages to people and doing kind deeds, all the while leaving no trace of their identity, save for a note saying "from the Surprise Package Company". 

Can't you just feel their excitement?

Their secret was finally discovered by a kind old doctor, who sent the Surprise Package Company a letter. In it, he invited the two to a luncheon where there were two surprise packages that made up for all they had given away. 

I like that story. 

And so, the giveaway this week will be a surprise package. It will likely include multiple items -- possibly something tasty, something inspirational, something pretty, something fun -- we'll see. To enter the giveaway, leave a comment telling me a bit about yourself so I can tailor your surprise  package, such as -- Are you single? Do you have young children? Do you enjoy reading? Just any information that you'd like to share. 

I will choose a winner next Monday, March 1. As always, the winner must have a US address the package can be shipped to. 

Have fun!

A Month Of Giveaways: Week 3

 The winner of last week's giveaway, a copy of the latest issue of the Daughter's of Promise magazine, is Nolita Stoltzfus! Email your address to christopherbethany@juno.com and I will get it sent your way!

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I feel like last week's giveaway was a bit of a "niche" giveaway, and this one probably is too. I guess that's ok. It doesn't have to be something everyone's dog and neighbor is clamoring to win. I had decided ahead of time that the giveaways would be simple -- things I already have or can make. This week, I am giving away a copy of the book my sister and I put together in memory of my mom. 

I've already written about the book here, so I won't spend a lot of time talking about why we put it together. 

Shady Lawn is the small, Mennonite church in the hills of Arkansas that I grew up attending. It began back in 1955 when one family felt called to find a rural area to share Jesus with. These Stones includes the stories of a number of the first families who helped with Shady Lawn's beginning. The stories are written by the families themselves, and have fascinating details about the "pioneer" days. Their stories of grit and ingenuity in a new community, so different from the places they grew up in, are interesting and (sometimes) downright entertaining. Their enthusiasm and love for sharing Jesus with the neighbors around them is inspiring. This book is definitely enjoyed most by those of us who have connections to Shady Lawn, but I think other people would find it interesting and inspiring as well. 

If you would like to be entered in the giveaway, leave a comment telling me a childhood memory that has something to do with church. Here's mine: When I was a little girl, for years there were only boys around my age. On Sunday evenings, we would often have children's class, where the children would go up and sit on the front bench and then someone would tell a story or teach a short lesson. I remember how they would often say, "Good evening boys and girl", because I was the only girl up there!

I hope you had a Happy Valentine's Day and that you're weathering the wintery weather these days. February has certainly brought Ohio an abundance of snow this year!

My view this morning and 

still coming down!

A good week to you....

**The winner must have a US address the book can be shipped to.

A Month of Giveaways: Week 2

I loved reading your comments about connection! It seems there are many common ways to feel connected but it was interesting to hear the little differences from person to person. The winner of the book The Highway and Me and My Earl Grey Tea is "Just Me" who said: I feel connection when talking with someone who has walked a path similar to mine. 

Congratulations! Please email your address to christopherbethany@juno.com and I will contact Emily about getting you your book!

And now, for giveaway number two... but first, a story. 

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This year my blog will be ten years old. I've written 800 some posts since that humble little beginning in 2011 and although I've sent a few articles here and there, I've never published anything anywhere except in this little corner until last year. Last year, in August, I randomly sent a pitch to Daughter's of Promise, an Anabaptist based magazine for women. They put out a magazine quarterly and choose their content from pitches submitted by people from all over the country. I'd submitted a pitch before, and nothing had come of it; I fully expected the same thing to happen this time. 

Weeks later, when I received an email saying my pitch had been chosen, not for the magazine, but for a collection of bonus articles they were putting together, I could hardly believe my eyes! This came during a long stretch of silence for me; a long stretch of wondering if I'd ever write again. I had been asking the Lord a lot of questions about my blog and writing, and that email felt like a direct touch from Him. I still get a lump in my throat thinking about it. (Incidentally, it was shortly after that email that I received another email asking if I would want to write this article for the Calvary Messenger. Goosebumps.)

I think a lot of bloggers can identify with a strange conundrum in writing. The very fact that one likes to write is often indicative of a preference to remain out of the limelight. And yet, there is something within us that also secretly dreams of being seen -- why else do we write, after all? Well, Daughter's of Promise magazine is certainly a place to be seen! This is the place where the cool people's names appear; the place where you find the authors of popular blogs and noteworthy women. I would be lying if the idea of appearing in those ranks didn't go to my head just a little. We even expanded on the whole thing and asked about my daughter doing illustrations for my article -- she dreams of selling her artwork someday, and what better way to get her name out in the big wide world?

Writing for Daughter's of Promise is a long process of writing and working with an editor and tweaking and re-writing. I thoroughly enjoyed it. Adding the artwork was a bit stressful and complicated and I labored over writing a bio in third person that didn't sound like some woman I had never met before, but finally the deed was done. 

Then came the big day! I received an email from the editor of Daughter's of Promise magazine with a link to download the collection of bonus content for the Contentment issue. I opened the file, and right there was the table of contents with my article title and my name behind it. Wow. I scrolled quickly through, eager to find the finished work at last. And there it was -- the title, the article, the artwork -- and no name attached to it whatsoever. No name of the author, no credit to the artist, no third person bio. I scrolled quickly back and forth, confirming that every other article included those details and that really, no, mine did not. 

I looked at my daughter blankly, "You are not going to believe this! What do I even do now? Do I say something? It's digital content, I suppose they could go in and still fix it? Unbelievable!" And what did my daughter do? She started laughing. "So much for all the 'getting our names out there'!" She exclaimed. "But how can you say anything? Wouldn't that kind of defeat the whole purpose of your article?" Slowly, what she was saying soaked in, and I could only shake my head and agree. What had I written about? Treasure in Heaven. 

Ahhh, the human-ness of my heart; writing about Treasure in Heaven while secretly trying to store up a stash here on earth. I hope I learned a lesson. 

I don't think it would have been wrong for me to bring it to the editor's attention -- obviously, I'm telling you about it now, so it is no longer a secret! But in the moment, it definitely felt like God saying, "Check your heart there, sister. I'll give you opportunities but it's not about you, honey."

This week I am giving away the latest issue of the Daughter's of Promise magazine. 

I know many of you may receive this magazine regularly. If you do, you're still eligible to enter this giveaway! This will be a free one that you can bless a friend with. To enter, leave a comment. If you share a "pride before a fall" story of your own, I'll enter your name twice.

If you are interested in the bonus content -- 9 articles about contentment -- including my name free one, you can download it for free right here.  My article is a very condensed version of the Treasure in Heaven series I shared here several years ago. 

**The winner must have a US address the magazine can be shipped to.