Sunday, September 22, 2013
I was there today, sat in the pew, held the song book, bowed in prayer. I was there, but so were 5 other little boddies in my row! Sunday school time found me feeding and rocking instead of listening and talking. Preaching time found me wedged into the bench with an unhappy baby and a wiggly, whispery 4 year old. It was out again, in again and a hand off to Daddy. It was Miss Wiggle on my lap and Miss Drama having a mini meltdown over "her legs being tired from hanging down!" It was "Mom make him stop touching me!" and sigh and frustration cause "I always get called down!" I was there today, I sat in the pew and did what you do, but I left wondering -what was the point of that?! I guess it's ok. I guess sometimes it's just an exercise, a way of saying "this is God's day and it's important to be here even if that's all I am - Here - when it would be easier to be anywhere else!" So, I was there today. I sat in the pew. I sang and I prayed... and I took care of babies and wiggles. And, yes, it was important!
Monday, September 16, 2013
It's 2 a.m. and I'm up for the second time and it was nearly 11 before I climbed in to start with! My head aches and I'm just so.tired. "Please God. Please will you make my baby sleep? Please will you let him stay asleep when I lay him down? I just can't do this anymore! Please God, please....please...." and I find myself pleading for this and pleading for that because, well, I'm t.i.r.e.d. Just so tired! I feel like putty that's been stretched further than humanly possible and at any moment I will snap! And I just can't do this anymore. But really? Really I sound like my 4 yr old and I'm whining! So, I exhale slowly, "Thank You Lord. Thank you for a healthy baby. Thank you for a wonderful husband. Thank you for a school my children enjoy..." As quickly as things come to mind, I spill my thanks and my shoulders slowly relax as the thank yous flow and I sway in the dark while my baby's head droops lower. There is no room in a thankful heart for whining and as my hand unclenches, my heart knows peace!
Friday, September 13, 2013
Chris was off at a Tire Seminar this week and we went daddy-less for 2 nights. Strange as it may seem, I relished those nights. See, I realized I'm becoming those women I used to roll my eyes at several yrs back! In AR Chris' job meant late hours. Many, many times we went to bed before daddy came home and it wasn't that unusual to have daddy gone a whole night. It was tough! I had a 20 month old and a new born and my "biggers" weren't big enough to do a whole lot. I used to listen to women fussing about their husbands "having to go to a meeting after supper" or "not getting home at 5:30 like usual" and think, "You poor dears! You missed daddy at 1 meal out of the week?! Oh my my! If we HAVE daddy for 1 meal a week we feel privileged!!" :) Well, now I'm one of those women who's husband comes home regularly at 5:30-40 and I am so.very.thankful. But! There is one thing about those days that was special. We never took each other for granted!! That was the feeling I relished this wk. So glad he's back tho!!:)
Monday, September 9, 2013
things! Maybe that's something i could learn from the creative little people i live with :)
Saturday, September 7, 2013
Wednesday, September 4, 2013
I sit on the bathroom step, desperately trying to carve out a few minutes for words. Life has been a crazy rat race of busy lately and so many things have slipped away w/o making it from mind to keyboard. I am tempted to mourn the loss of so many words formulated in mind, but not recorded! Words are important to my life, and finding time to let them flow out and stand, like little monuments along my journey, is life giving for me. Sometimes though, I have to accept the fact that life itself is even more important than my journal of words. That canning the beans, and packing and unpacking the suitcases, and re-filling drawers with clean laundry, and making birthday cakes and presents and holding fussy babies is life giving to these people around me who make up my life. And if it is true that "He who will lose his life shall find it..." than the giving and losing are more important than anything else. Still, if a few minutes on the bathroom step can be grabbed while laundry spins an children babble happy...