The Past Month In Pictures

 A look back through my camera roll to review these last weeks of summer...

The remains of a lady's breakfast I hosted in the days after the wedding when I suddenly had all the energy and head space to Do Things.

Breakfasts on the porch... summertime is my favorite!

I didn't grow any veggies this year, aside from one volunteer tomatoe plant, but I enjoy weeding and puttering around in the flowers. 

Just me, messing around with flower arranging and pretending to be a photographer...

Lillian and I spent an evening being extras at The Living Word where Jennifer is part of the cast this year, every Friday night June through September. Met a whole community of lovely people who have taken my daughter in and applauded her talents and accepted her as one of their own. 

Fun day shopping in Holmes County, where there are stores that sell dolls with headcoverings....

Fresh peaches. A taste of summertime...

Evening walks, with beautiful skies...

And two goofy kiddos with their bikes.

Sickness, a bullseye rash, and treatment for Lyme... first Charles and then me. So grateful we caught it right away. 

Green beans...

And tomatoe juice. I didn't put up as much food this year but still needed some things. Feels good to have that done!

Evenings spent helping Chris at the house we are slowly, slowly remodeling. 

Evenings taking walks down the road, and pausing to notice "counterweights".

 (Counterweight: Anything that helps keep us upright against the strain of everything that hurts in this world and our lives. --Shannon Martin)

And, finally, helped my oldest pack up to head off to the first of two years at Faith Builder's in Guy's Mills, PA. Excited for him and his new adventures! At the same time, looking around in bewilderment at us being the parents with only three left at home... adjustments, adjustments. 

Summer is winding down. Soon it will be back to school time and new schedules and new adventures! 

Not a bad month, all in all. 

A Glimpse Of The Wedding

The date of my last blog post feels like a very, very long time ago -- probably because seven and a half months is quite a long time! It would be much easier to just let the time go on growing longer and longer, but I keep having this little, niggling urge to at least say that I haven't fallen off the face of the earth. I am, in fact, still alive and well! I now have a married daughter, and I have reached the grand milestone of being halfway to ninety. 

Without trying to be dramatic, I suppose I should (in keeping with my long held belief in being genuine and authentic) also say that in these months of silence I have gone through a bit of a faith crisis, and our family leaving the church we attended for twelve years, and a major eye surgery, and abnormal uterine bleeding that resulted in multiple tests and a biopsy and severe anemia that lasted throughout a good five of the seven months. Not to mention navigating preparations for the first wedding in our family, and discovering that being the parents in that scenario is a whole other level of stretching than I've ever known before. 

Suffice it to say, there are reasons that this blog has remained silent for many days!

Even now, I really don't feel like going into all the details of the past seven months. That is why I say that it would be much easier to just let the time continue slipping by, than to write a blog post. I don't know why it used to seem so important and useful to share my thoughts and feelings with the whole world? I guess there is a time and a place for every season. Mostly, I feel like that season is past.

There are a few of you long time readers that still check in with me occasionally, and it seemed like it would be nice to at least give you a little glimpse of Jasmine's wedding, because I know you would all be interested. I don't have any "professional" photos from the day, just a myriad of snapshots, mostly taken with less than stellar cellphone cameras. 

Here are the collages and captions I shared on social media:

1) The Dress

2) The Dessert

3) The Stacks & Piles

4) The Elbow Grease 

5) The Set Up

6) The Families & Bridal Party

7) The Celebration 

8) The Fragments That Remained 

A little further explanations for you..... 

Number 1) The Dress was a long process in coming! We explored all manner of options, but I ended up with the honor of sewing the bride's dress and we settled on using linen. Jasmine drafted the skirt pattern and I had the terrifying (and fun) job of cutting and sewing. My favorite part of the dress was hand crocheting lace edging around the neck, cuffs and waist.

Number 2) The Dessert. We made individual frozen cheesecakes for the dessert. The collage only shows the strawberry ones but we also made mocha and vanilla. The wedding was a very collaborative effort by both families, and the groom's family provided and prepared the main course for the reception, which was pulled pork sandwiches, baked beans, and coleslaw. 

Number 3) The Stacks & Piles. So many, many details! I should have also had pictures of all the many lists.....

Number 4) The Elbow Grease. The ceremony was held in a beautiful, old church in our local town. Friends of ours offered the use of their old barn (which is within walking distance of our house) for the reception and Jasmine lit up like a light bulb at the idea! It made for a lot of extra work (think - no running water or electricity) but the setting was beautifully prefect for the homey, comfortable atmosphere they were going for. We are forever indebted to our friends for their offer and for all the work they put into helping make it happen!

Number 5) The Set Up. We gathered hydrangeas from friends and cut wild blackberries and foraged greenery to make bouquets for the tables. My brother's family came early, and Jasmine's cousins helped with set up and decorating, along with Jasmine's fabulous reception coordinator and many other helping hands that I won't even start naming!

Number 6) The Families & Bridal Party. The day finally arrived! The wedding was Friday afternoon June 28. Jasmine and Uriah had all of their siblings in their bridal party, plus a couple of close friends. 

I have to add here how one of Jasmine's mentors stepped in at the last minute, when she heard how Jasmine was reconsidering her choice of no bridal bouquets, and gifted her with gorgeous bouquets that she and her sister foraged from multiple people's gardens and flowerbeds and arranged, free of charge! What a gift friends are. 

Number 7) The Celebration. The day was truly lovely and beautiful. I felt a peace and ability to relax and enjoy that came only from the prayers of others! It was also very warm, and the spontaneous decision to move outside for open mic turned out to be, hands down, my favorite part of the day. The setting was perfection -- right down to the children frolicking happily on the dirt pile and the rows of hay bales! (My apologies to the mama's who had to deal with grubby little people and stained clothes)

Number 8) The Fragments That Remained. Saturday morning Uriah's family helped us load up tables and chairs and we picked up the fragments that remained.....

It's hard to believe that was only two weeks ago! Life has moved at a much slower pace in the days since, and I suddenly find myself with so much brain space.....

People: What will you do now that the wedding is over??

Me:

And there, my friends, is a glimpse of Jasmine and Uriah's wedding. 

My Second Born

Confession: When Jasmine texted me a year ago in December and asked, "Shall I tell Uriah I'll date him?" My immediate reaction was "No!"

Jasmine is our oldest daughter, the second born child. Incidentally, that is one of the few places that she has ever come in second. Jasmine was my shortest labor and birth. She sat at four and a half months, said her first words and took her first steps at 9 months, repeated everything she heard by a year old, and was potty trained at eighteen months. The over-achieving didn't stop there, Jasmine was always eager to learn how to do the next thing -- tying her shoes, combing her hair, writing her name -- you name it, and she probably did it at a younger than average age. I always knew that once this child was released into the adult world, her wings would be spread wide to fly!

When Jasmine graduated from high school, and the perfect job turned up for her right here at home, I breathed a private sigh of relief. At least I'd have all my children at home for one more year. Alas and alack, one little "student week" at Sattler College quickly dashed that idea to pieces!

When Jasmine left for a year at Sattler, it was a hard goodbye for me. I knew in my heart that the wings had been spread and this child was going to fly. Obviously, I wanted her to fly; encouraged her to! But, oh my. The change felt so big; so irrevocable. 

I won't go into how we all survived -- all thrived, actually. We grew and changed and discovered how amazingly adaptable God created us to be. All that to say, when Jasmine texted me last December, my immediate reaction had nothing to do with the young man who had asked her. It had everything to do with me clinging to one last little thread of hope that this over achieving second born would maybe, just once, do something in her life at an age that was later than average.  

Just so you know, I got over it. 

I am quite happy and excited to announce to the world that Jasmine and Uriah are engaged! We are so thrilled for them. 

It's been a privilege to have a front row seat in their journey together. I'm not here to tell you their story, but I will say a few things: I have watched these two and seen their desire to follow Jesus. I've watched them have hard conversations with each other. I've watched them reach out and care for the people around them. I've watched them laugh together and cry together. I've watched them walk through Jasmine being diagnosed with Lyme. I've watched them grieve their losses and grapple with whether this relationship was worth all the work. I've watched them be real and honest with each other. Through it all, I've watched love -- the slow, steady kind; the kind that is a choice, not just a feeling -- bloom and grow and flourish. I am grateful. 

As a parent, the terrifying truth is that we have no control over the choices our children choose to make. We teach them and train them and guide them, but in the end, the path they choose to take is up to them. Because of Jasmine's personality and over-achieving nature, I have often laughed when people commended us on her actions or successes and said, "What makes you think we had anything to do with it??" Ultimately, I am so grateful to God for the path He has led her on so far. I am grateful that He chose to cross her path with one, Uriah O'Terry, and I look forward to seeing the paths He will lead them on together.

Practicing Presence

I am pausing to check in with my senses this morning...

👀 I see the sun streaming through my windows (they look clean from this angle but I know better)

👀 I see blue sky out the window, and a tree with a few leaves still hanging on tenaciously 

👀 I see how the sun casts shadows and highlights 

👀 I see clutter on the island, laundry waiting to be carried downstairs, Legos scattered on the floor; little pictures of the people who live here

👂 I hear the clock ticking steadily

👂 I hear a fly buzzing

👂 I hear the fridge humming quietly

👂 I hear the occasional tick of the oven as it bakes

👂 I hear a bird calling noisily outside

👃 I smell pecan pie baking

👃 I smell the faint aroma of my morning cup of coffee lingering in the air

👃 I smell the cinnamon-y pumpkin smell of pumpkin pie

🖐 I feel the warmth of the sun on my feet

🖐 I feel the sway of the recliner as I move

🖐 I feel the chilly-ness of my fingers

🖐 I feel the bumpiness of the pillow cover under my arm

♥ I sense a deepening of my breathing

♥ I sense a calming of my busy thoughts

♥ I sense a relaxing in my shoulders

♥ I sense the presence of Jesus here with me today

10 Pros and Cons: Mothering At This Stage

For me, "this stage" of mothering is a fluid one.  Currently it means being mom to five children, ages 21 - 10, who are all back at home for the school year. Last school year, there were four at home, and for most of two months this summer, we were down to three children. Like any other stage of life, there's all kinds of wonderful things and hard things. I thought it might be fun to do a pro and con post like I've done a couple times in the past. 

***

1) Everyone is old enough to take care of themselves. (That doesn't mean they always do, of course. But nobody needs me to dress them or feed them, etc.)

Sometimes I'm tempted to think the days of taking care of my children may have been easier than the current days, where I'm often biting my tongue and reminding myself that nobody will die if they wear those two colors together, or didn't comb down the unruly hair, or... various other things that I will leave unmentioned. (I've convinced myself that no one actually notices or cares, so why point them out here?)

2) Everyone is old enough to know how to behave. (Again, do they always? No. But they know how. My life isn't one constant training session on kindness and sharing and staying out of the potted plants.)

To be honest, I sometimes would prefer the potted plant episodes over the adjustments of siblings coming and going and the constant changes in family dynamics that all of that brings. I have a lot more answers for the former, than I do for the latter. 

3) Mom can leave for a day (or even several) and it's not the end of the world. In fact, sometimes I think they're secretly glad when mom is gone for the day! That's okay. I can well remember having those same feelings as a teenager. 

Ironically enough, it also sometimes feels like I am indispensable. I love to help the teacher with his checking, and provide things for the student with their project, and enable the pursuit of friendships, and critique the writing paper, and give ideas for the teacher's helper with all her little people stories.... but occasionally I want to throw my hand up and say, "Hey! I have a life too!"

4) Nobody is keeping me awake at night. When you wake up one morning and discover that someone has thrown up during the night and they either took care of it themselves, or had an older siblings help, you know you have arrived at the sweet spot of motherhood. 

I don't struggle with this too much, but sometimes my mind runs away with the many and various Things Going On in the lives of the five children under my roof, and sleep evades me even if nobody is waking me up to go potty or to clean up a mess. 

5) I am at home alone during the school year. Only if you are an introvert like me, who gets their best work and thinking done when no one else is around, will you understand quite how amazing this phenomenon is. 

Also, only if you are an introvert like me, will you understand how exhausting it is sometimes to keep track of all the different schedules, all the different plans, all the different homework, all the different lunches, all the last minute changes in plans, all the forgotten details, all the dropping-this-to-go-do-that-ness that goes on in this stage of mothering. 

6) The most interesting conversations in my life time are happening right at my supper table. The depth of discussion -- from questiong theology, to expounding on literature, to recounting old family memories, to hashing classroom control, to dissecting prime factors, to reciting Adventures In Odyssey and Hank The Cowdog, to arguing about definitions of words, to analyzing child training, to... you name it -- is truly amazing. Sometimes I just sit there and marvel (and grin).

The intensity of the questions and conversations sometimes make my head spin. Debating and dissecting is not my first language and sometimes I'd be fine going back to the cute questions and quotes that come out of toddlers mouths. 

7) One on one time with my husband is so much more plentiful. If we decide, on the spur of the moment (which is my husband's specialty), that we want to go on a date for supper or go on a walk after supper or...I dunno... go in our room and take a nap on some random Saturday afternoon, we usually jolly well can!

Being the people pleaser that I tend to be, sometimes instead of just enjoying this lovely phenomenon, I find myself caught up in trying to make sure that everybody living at my house is happy. Most of the time it's really not worth the worry (see #3)!

8) There are certain jobs around the house that I rarely do myself. For example - I don't wash the dishes very often these days, and I pretty much never clean anything in the basement where all of the children sleep. 

The flip side of that, is the fact that there is a lot more work when everyone is living at home -- laundry piles up at a prodigious rate; more cooking and food preservation is required; the house gets dirtier in far less time and, while there are more people around to help with things, you can never quite count on adult children being avaliable to help when the help is needed!

9) They are all old enough to scrounge up their own food if I don't cook for them. This might be dangerous for children who have a mother who doesn't like to cook. Please don't ask them how often they are left to scrounge!

The difference in the amount of groceries we go through with everyone at home is astounding. Just when I think I've stocked up, I realize that the milk won't last through the weekend or the granola I just made has all disappeared!

10) There is the most immense satisfaction and joy in watching your children be best friends. There's nothing quite like it and I love it. 

There really is no con for this one. I will be very honest: there have been moments of intense struggle in the adjustments and changes that have come in this stage of mothering. I can't tell you how many times I have thought I would write about the challenges of this strange, fluid stage of parenthood. But it's in those moments of observing my children's friendship that I am just overcome with the privilege of having them all here under one roof, and the challenges suddenly don't seem worth mentioning. 

***

I hope you enjoyed this little pro and con post. I hope I gave an honest enough description to give you a glimpse of some of the joys and challenges without sounding all whiney or all rosy. Because here's the thing -- life is pretty much a 50/50 deal! It's okay to talk about both. 

Summer

There are approximately four weeks until school starts. 

I'll let that soak in for a minute. 

Daisies will take over your flowerbed,

in case you didn't know...

On another note, it's been seven weeks since I've written a blog post. 

Time is just a vapor, right?

I feel like we have been unbelievably lazy this summer -- not a lot of plans, not a lot of projects. There's been a lot of staying up late and sleeping in late for the three children at home; transitioning to a school schedule is going to be a jolt to all of our systems!

Apparently you start shrinking after age 40,

in case you didn't know...

We have done a few out-of-the-ordinary/fun things. In June, I spent a couple of days in Indiana with two of my sisters. The three of us visited relatives and shopped and relaxed and laughed and caught up on each other's lives. We also took a little mini family vacation over the fourth of July. We packed up our bikes, and got a motel for three nights in a town an hour away, and enjoyed time with our three youngest children. 

You don't have to do 

elaborate things to make good memories, 

in case you didn't know...

Marietta, Ohio has a lovely bike trail that we thoroughly enjoyed. We took a ride down the river on a Sternwheeler, played several rounds of mini golf, played games, went and picked raspberries at a u-pick patch, and just generally had a good time. 

My gardening ambitions have not gone as planned this summer. I don't have space for a garden, but I can never quite give up on trying to have a few fresh veggies. I bought tomato, cucumber and squash plants to tuck in flowerbeds, and planted some green beans in my tiny little "garden" spot. My green beans have lots of tiny little beans on them, but the rest of my plants did not fare so well. The tomatoe, cucumber, and squash plants finally look about the size they should have a month ago and I don't know if there's enough time left in the growing season for them to produce anything or not!

Plants that have been dug up

Fifty-eleven times do not grow and thrive,

in case you didn't know...

I tried all the tricks to fend off the critters, but finally we declared war. In the space of five nights, we Chris caught (and disposed of) six pesky raccoons! There's not many things that make me downright mad, but those coons sure were one of them. The stinkers were so cute,  sitting there in the cage, that you couldn't help but feel a little sorry for them. A few minutes thinking about all of their digging shenanigans was all it took to harden my heart very quickly,  though. I wish I had actually counted how many times I replanted those plants; you cannot even imagine! I'm feeling the anger just thinking about it...

Thankfully, the coons did not ruin the lives of every growing thing. The wild raspberries along the edge of our woods had more berries than usual, and Jennifer braved the weeds and the brambles to pick them. We enjoyed several pans of crumb cake and discovered that raspberries in place of blueberries in our muffin recipe are phenomenal. 

I'm not even a fruit lover

but these two treats were winners, 

in case you wondered...

The coons also didn't bother the flowers that Jasmine has slowly gathered from the neighbor lady, other friends, and our "yard". The deer tried to take care of them, but I deterred them with liquid fence, and they had the good sense to stop their nightly visits. 

Puttering around the flowers

and pulling weeds is good therapy,

in case you didn't know...

There's still approximately four more weeks of summer. In them, Isaac will come home from Faith Builder's and Jasmine will come home from Boston. We'll probably have a corn day and can some green beans and tomatoes and enjoy fresh peaches. There will be more late nights and more sleeping in and more enjoying the slow pace of no schedule. There may or may not be more blog posts.