About My Father's Business

I'm not a very dramatic person. I don't gush over gifts or swoon over cuteness. I've often felt like a poor mom because of my lack of dramatics. Instead of 'amazed wonder and joy' in pregnancy, I'm usually thinking of poor, uncomfortable me! My heart should have 'swelled with awe' at the birth of my first born! Instead I felt a numb 'what do we do now' sort of feeling. There was no intense bond, in fact, I got very frustrated w/ my crying little bundle who didn't settle for the night! I've pretty much gotten over agonizing about what is wrong with me and wondering if I missed some Mom genes somewhere. At the most surprising times - when my 2 little girls walk up to Grandpas hand in hand, when I get up in the morning to find little girl snuggled w/ "mean" big brother on the couch, when I observe big brother and sister playing memory w/ little sister and purposely letting her get a pair, children's wide eyed awe when little hands feel baby's hiccups - a deep, warm feeling assures me I wasn't passed by!