Monday, May 2, 2016

Unsolicited Dating Advice

I'm not exactly sure 'which wall' this post came off of but late one night it came spilling out, so here you go. I am no authority on the subject of dating ...... then again, I dated once and am happily married, so maybe I am?

I've been keeping this post in my draft folder for quite some time now but today, just for anyhow, here are 10 little tid bits of free dating advice.

1) Take your time. A solid foundation is not built in a day. 

2) Focus on becoming best of friends. Romance is great but friendship is what will stand the test of time.

3) Call me old fashioned but I believe the old 'Hands Off' policy is best. It is extremely difficult to focus on building a strong foundation and becoming best of friends when you are busily stoking the fires of love and romance with physical contact. Trust me, those fires are easily stoked without any extra help. I am not of the persuasion that all physical touch before marriage is sin but in my opinion, if you are choosing the best, you choose Hands Off. 

4) Be real. Best of friends don't do things just to win approval or make a good impression. If it is something you don't plan to do if you get married, don't do it while you're dating - opening her car door, bringing him his coffee, helping her wash dishes, allowing him to open doors.....

5) Don't be a clique. You are dating and you like to spend time together, of course. But someday you will need those other people in your lives, don't cut them off now. Do things with the whole group, be on opposite volleyball teams sometimes, let people ride with you when you go somewhere..... Best of friends don't have to be exclusive. They know the friendship is solid and will always be there. That's the kind of friendship that will see you through a lifetime; cultivate it. People will love to be around you.

6) Begin now to share all your secrets with each other. Best of friends know everything about each other and the only way to get there is to share. Ask each other questions about important issues and beliefs. Sometimes good old fashioned pen and paper are the best way to do questions and answers.

7) Play games together or some other form of relaxing recreation. In order to focus on becoming best of friends, it is important to not live in the 'romance trench' all the time. Do things together that allow you to have fun and get to know each other on a friendship level.

8) Allow each other the time needed to grow in your relationship. Sometimes you might find yourselves with differing levels of excitement about dating. Take your time, go back to focusing on being best of friends. The deepest love is the kind that grows slowly and pushes down it's roots.

9) Be spontaneous and keep it simple. A date doesn't always have to be in a fancy place with lighted candles. The closer you live to reality, the better off you will be.

10) If you truly do become best of friends, you will discover the flaws and irritations in each other. Point out and discuss as many of these as possible. Someday, when you marry your best friend, you will discover very few surprises and your journey into happily ever after will benefit greatly.


Chris read this and grinned, "In other words, be just like us?" Well. Yes, of course! I mean, didn't we do everything just about perfectly? 😊

In all honesty, I know that no one mold fits every couple and relationship. These are ten things I see as beneficial to a dating relationship, I wonder what you think of?


Kris Schrock said...

Thanks for sharing. :)

Bethany Eicher said...

You are quite welcome. Maybe that was a lie about not knowing which wall it came from? ;)

Shannon said...

like. :D

LMJ said...

Thumbs up to this post! Much like we did it. :-) (But if you are single and reading this, take note that just because you do everything 'right' before you get married, does NOT mean that it will be easy and all roses after you're married! It still takes much communication, commitment, and LOVE! But like Bethany stated, it will help!!)

Bethany Eicher said...

Well said, LMJ :)

Karen Regling said...

Excellent advice! Where were you when I was 18? :)