Four Years

Four years ago today I was finishing up last minute details. I was going to bed with a lump in my throat and an ache in my heart. I was facing a very unknown future with a lot of fear and a tiny thread of faith. In the morning, we were moving to Ohio.

Sometimes I wonder if this can possibly be the same person who said those goodbyes and packed up those belongings and wondered if God knew what He was doing.

Four years later, I would have to say, "Yes. God knew what He was doing."

Four years. It seems like much, much longer. I look at my children and it's hard to remember how young they were! My 11 year old, who is nearly as tall as me, is this the same child who cried heartbrokenly at the thought of leaving all her friends and going to a new school? My soon-to-be first grader, is this the same baby who I laid in her crib for the last time and wiped away tears at the thought that she had no idea what we were doing? This growing little second grader the same child who declared with sobs, "But I don't want new friends in Ohio!"?

God is good. I knew it then; I know it now.

It is good to look back and see how God's bridges have held. Held through change and uncertainty; held through hard days and stretching circumstances. "In memory, the shape of God's yesterday-heart emerges and assures of God's now-heart and reassures of His sure beat tomorrow." ~Ann Voskamp, One Thousand Gifts

Sometimes, in the middle of the darkness, it's hard to tell whether God's bridges are holding or not? Sometimes they sway and crack and I wonder if my next step will find any bridge beneath it or whether I'll be plunged into the dreadful unknown below. Sometimes doubt obscures the steady, solid bridge my Father is urging me onto. I feel like a tight rope walker, with no railing and no sure place to set my feet.

Pausing from the safety of today to look back and see that, yes. His bridges have held, sure and true. And allowing that knowledge to up my confidence in the bridge builder and His course for the next four years!