31 Days: A Struggle All My Own

"No servant can serve two masters, for either he will hate the one and love the other or he will be devoted to the one and despise the other. You cannot serve God and money."   Luke 16:13 ESV

I didn't battle so much with the building design questions. I knew that my husband had a wise head on his shoulders and would make good decisions. I knew that his principles ran deep and that He would be true to what he believed was right. I knew that he had enough construction knowledge to know what made the most sense.

Turns out, I had a struggle all my own.

For several years now, once a week my oldest daughter and I have been cleaning the office/waiting room area at the Tire Shop where my husband works. The money for doing that has been mine to use. My daughter gets a portion of it and I use the rest for "extra" things - gifts, books, piano lessons for a child, fabric, scrapbook supplies, etc. Or sometimes I use it to help out with normal expenses if it's needed.

When we started building a house, I began saving up my cleaning money in an envelope marked "house fund". It was such fun to watch the dollars stack up and to plot what all I could use them for to help out in our building project. I wasn't thinking nails and two by fours, of course. My plan was to be able to buy new living room furniture and other furnishings all on my own.

I was able to buy a number of things with my buldging envelope. Some of them were bigger things that we really needed; some were smaller things that I really wanted. Always, in the back of my mind was this persistent voice saying, "Do we really need it just because it's a good deal? Does it really matter if the colors in the kitchen don't match perfectly? Is it ok to get a new washing machine when my old one still works? How much is too much??"

I think it was on that late night in August, standing on tip toe on a five gallon bucket with paintbrush in hand, when the truth finally hit me. It's a whole lot easier to say you believe in living simply when you have no other choice.

If you don't have money for a new couch, it's rather soothing to say the old, ratty one is ok because you believe in living simply and don't need to have everything perfect. The truth of the matter is, you really didn't have much choice! What's really in the heart comes out when there's an envelope marked 'house fund' and you do have a choice. Quite honestly, I wasn't so sure I was ok with all of the things that were coming out of my heart.