17 Things From 17 Years: Post 16

#16: Marriage is not about figuring out who is right or wrong, it is about "we are a team".

I don't know if it's true that in every marriage one partner usually feels like they're always wrong; I think it might be. All I know is, in our marriage I am that person. Anytime there's a disagreement or a misunderstanding, I tend to immediately make it about who is right and who is wrong.

One day, in the middle of a big, frustrating go around, Chris explained to me, "When we are discussing something like this, to me it's not about who is right or wrong, it's about understanding each other."

"Really?? To me it feels like you are just out to prove you are right - and you can always prove you're right because you are more analytical and articulate than I am!"

But he insisted that's not what his goal is and I started trying to wrap my brain around the difference that knowledge could make. Then, one day we listened to the video about The Four Countries. I pegged him wrong on that to start with but once he set me straight and we started talking about the countries we're from -- light bulbs!

You see, Chris is from Perfect Country. The people in Perfect Country are all about getting it right. They are about truth and logic. It doesn't matter so much to them if people think they are right, as it does that the truth marches on. If they love someone, they show it by trying to help that person get it right.

I, on the other hand, am from the Country Of Peace. If there is anything that makes me shut down, it is someone trying to help me get it right. My immediate reaction is, "I'm so stupid. I always mess up. What's the point of trying, I'll just forget again."

Isn't it amazing how different people come at life from such different angles?

As husband and wife, we're on the same team, working toward the same goals. The more we can learn to understand each other, the better we can be at our game. In baseball, the pitcher's spot is quite different from the guy in left field. To play a good game, we need them both. Yes, the pitcher might give the guy in left field some tips and the first baseman might critique the pitcher. But it's never about "I am right and you are wrong". It's really all about, "Let's win this game!"