17 Things From 17 Years: Post 9

#9: My husband needs down time too.

I hear a lot these days about self care for women. There's a huge push for mothers, particularly, to create time for themselves. We're encouraged to make space for doing something creative or getting away alone occasionally in order to recharge and, ultimately, be a better mom.

I get it.

Honestly, blogging is probably one of those 'self care' things for me. I do it for myself more than anything else. It gives me a place to process in writing, which is the way I process best. It gives me an outlet for some of my creativity, it's something I make time for that's just for me.

We don't usually think of men needing down time. They go to work and then get off work and come home. A man's job is not 24/7 like a mother's; now is the time for him to help her out, right?

Some men come home and hide behind the newspaper. Some have a hobby they tinker with or maybe they like to read or keep up on the sports/world news. Maybe they enjoy golfing or playing volleyball with a local team or hunting or fishing or shooting hoops with some buddies. Chris likes to play computer games.

We've had a lot of head knocking in our marriage over that issue. I was sure sometimes that he loved those games more than he loved his wife. And he probably did sometimes. For good reason. After all, computer games don't nag.

Of course, it's not just all one sided. Men can be addicted to their hobbies and their work and fail to spend the time with their wife and children that they should. For me though, my attitude was the biggest thing that needed an adjustment.

When I realized that my husband needs down time too and that sitting there, playing a game, was his way to relax and unwind after a long day, I became much more understanding. I stopped being bitter about my 'competition' and even discovered Chris loved to have me sit beside him while he relaxed. In fact, the more understanding and tolerant I am of his need for down time, the less he seems to need it.

Whether that is actually true may be debatable. Possibly it's just my focus that makes all the difference. Then again, maybe he just enjoys spending time with a wife who's not nagging.