17 Things From 17 Years: Post 2

#2: There are some things we will never agree on. Agree to disagree or come up with an agreeable compromise.

Chris and I agree on a lot of things. I would venture to say we agree on more things now than we did 17 years ago. But there are some things we will probably never quite agree on.

This is maybe a small thing, but for example, food.

I grew up in a family where the children were required to eat a little bit of everything prepared; and my mom liked to prepare a wide variety. We tried salad and squash and okra and lima beans and sour kraut and poke greens... I still think it was good for us.

My husband, on the other hand, grew up in a family that ate main dish and vegetables and that was about it. They weren't required to try odd things, but then again, there weren't very many odd things to try because that isn't what their mother prepared.

I like to say my husband isn't a picky eater, he just doesn't like anything unusual. This includes any kind of casserole with many different things mixed together, any salad that is not just lettuce, meat, eggs and cheese, and absolutely nothing that includes mayonnaise or chunks of onion and celery.

Early in our marriage we made a compromise. Our children would be required to eat main dish and vegetables, but other things would be optional.

I confess that I struggled with that compromise sometimes. Mostly I struggled when we were eating with others, like my mom, who believed tasting everything was included in the Bible somewhere. But fighting over the issue just wasn't worth it. What would I have gained? I really don't think the little I may have gained in the diversity of my children's diets would have been worth the strain on our relationship.

And, 17 years in I must admit, people's stomachs are just different. Celery and mayonnaise do actually make my husband's stomach upset and, honestly, I still don't like cantaloupe, no matter how many times I've tried it.

17 Things From 17 Years: Post 1

#1: Never stop saying I love you and giving a good-bye and welcome home kiss.

The very first day my brand new husband went off to his brand new job, he began a tradition. After saying "I love you" and kissing me good-bye, he went out to his vehicle. Then, he turned around and came back in for one more kiss.

I could probably count on one hand the days he hasn't kept up his tradition since. It doesn't matter where we've lived, what the weather is doing or what time it is. When he goes out the door, I can count on him re-appearing at least once for one last kiss.

Except for that one day when our oldest was little and I told him, "Don't come back in. So often when you come back, the baby wakes up and I just want him to sleep longer!"

I changed my mind quickly.

The very next morning I said, "Please come back in. That felt completely wrong yesterday. I'd much rather have another kiss than to have the baby sleep a little longer!"

In the evening when he comes home from work, it's rare that I don't take a moment to greet him with a welcome home kiss.

These little actions may seem small and insignificant in some ways. But 17 years of marriage have taught me it's often the little things that provide the strongest glue in a relationship. Saying "I love you" and knowing that second -- and sometimes third or fourth -- kiss is coming in the morning, and taking a moment to greet my man when he comes home at night is one small way we keep the stars shining in our eyes.

Seventeen Years

Seventeen years ago Chris and I said, "I do."

I'd do it all over again. Although it would be nice to skip a few things along the path from there to here.....

Of course, the truth is, if we skipped those things we probably wouldn't be exactly where we are now. The things along the path have a way of teaching us and shaping who we become. So, I guess I really would do it all over again.

Last weekend Chris and I spent  a few days away to relax and celebrate our anniversary.  We made no big nor fancy plans, just a motel a couple hours from home and whatever we decided to do. It was lovely, and so very "us". He required me to buy fabric for myself and loaded up on more snacks and sub supplies than we would begin to eat.

We lazed around and talked and hashed and talked some more. We learned a few things and understood a few things better and solved quite a few of the world's problems for them. We took a lovely walk and played a few games and then Chris got sick for the last day and night and that wasn't so lovely at all.

Mostly, we just enjoyed each other. What a gift that is.

A shared sense of humor is a gift, too. A few weeks ago we all went on a little drive on a Sunday evening and took a walk along the lake. Somewhere along the line we got started taking pictures of each other. It dissolved into hilarity quickly.

We laughed the hardest over Lillian's photo prop idea. There was an old payphone along our way, and Chris had been telling the children how he used to call me on a payphone while we were dating so he wouldn't have to hear the fussing about the phone bill he shouldn't be running up. She positioned us carefully and proceeded to take our picture.

I think that's close to how he looked 

the first time I finally said "I love you".

Since no "How We Met" stories have flooded my inbox, I guess I am forced to come up with a different brainstorm for the month of June. I thought at first I could do a series of posts called "17 things I've learned from 17 years of marriage". Then I started making my list and decided I'd better leave out the word learned. Not so sure that would be accurate. 

I am planning to do a series though, and I'm calling it simply "17 From 17".

Throughout the month of June, you can expect to find 17 posts with 17 things I've learned/ discovered/ become aware of in 17 years of marriage. They're not going to be anything lengthy or profound; just short little pieces of my personal experience. If you're not into marriage, feel free to come back in July. If you are into marriage, I hope you enjoy this month!

Nudges Toward Foster Care

It's so hard for me to write about things when I'm in the middle of them. Somehow it seems so much better to wait to share experiences from the wise perspective of hindsight, rather than the muddled viewpoint of the midst.

A number of people have asked me recently, "So are you done with your fostering classes?" "Are you about ready to start fostering?" The answer to those questions is yes and no, respectively.

Getting licensed for foster care is a long process. Completing 36 hours of classes is the first step and, while that sounds like a lot of time to put in, I'm guessing it's one of the easier steps in the process.

The next step after completing classes was to fill out a six page application and send it back to Social Services. Two and a half weeks later, I got a call saying there were a few things we missed and they need to send the application back for us to go back over. Today it arrived in the mail.

So, yes we completed our 36 hours of classes at the end of April; no, we're nowhere near having foster children in our home. We knew going in that it's a long process. In fact, we were told that best case scenario it usually takes at least six months to get licensed.

Honestly, I'm fine with that. I'm still over here processing my feelings and not even sure that this is the path we will end up taking. We said we felt called to make ourselves available, so we'll see what twists and turns God decides to put in our path.

In the mean time, let me share with you a few people who have probably nudged me along in this direction more than I even realize.

Undoubtedly, one of the things that has made an impact are the few people I know in real life who have been involved in fostering or adoption. In Arkansas, it was a youth girl from our church and here in Ohio it's been our Pastor and family. Also, the writers of several blogs I follow have chosen this pathway. I know their writing has influenced my mind.

While I have never met these bloggers in person, both of these ladies shared their "How we met" stories on my blog; that kinda makes me feel like we're friends.

Reading Rosina's stories like this one, can't help but put a little ache in your heart. She also shared an  excellent article that every church should sit down and consider. Rosina was also the one I turned to in the middle of our classes when all the information was overwhelming my brain. Her reply to my email was so encouraging and helpful and helped tremendously in calming my questions and fears.

The most compelling reading I've done on the subject came from Shari. Her series on foster care is eye opening and beautiful. If you want to view the issue from every angle, go read her posts; I cannot recommend them highly enough.

I'm sure there are many more amazing people involved in fostering who could share encouraging stories. A couple weeks ago, a friend shared some podcasts from Revive Our Hearts Ministries. I finally listened to them today and they are so, so good.

Whatever all I do not know yet about foster care -- and I am certain that is a lot -- one thing I do know is that opening our hearts to this need is going to wreck us in every way. In the muddled midst of the process, I am hanging on to the belief that it will be in all the best ways.

Let Vacation Begin!

It's the last day of school.

I'm sitting here, in my quiet house, savoring the moment. I decided last night already that I will enjoy this last morning of quiet by doing nothing.

I'm actually not dreading summer vacation. I have some years, I'll be honest. This year, I'm not. But I know it will be an adjustment to have more people around every day, so I'm enjoying this quiet while I have it.

Honestly though, my emotions are all over the place this morning.

Just look at that man-child. I am so proud of him. He's grown so much in the past year -- like, literally; it's weird to look at an adult sized person that's your son. But I'm not just talking about on the outside. He's also grown so much on the inside. I see evidence of God at work in his life and that is so thrilling to watch.

And this woman-child? She's amazing. And not just because she makes cool macrome and grows cute succulents and takes on and conquers sourdough. I'm convinced the girl can pretty much do anything she sets her mind to. But that's not all that amazes me. I see Jesus in her life too, and it's so sweet to behold.

So, yes. I'm discovering lately the abundant blessing of watching my children grow up and choose truth. There is no way to describe the deep feelings that stirs in a parent's heart. But people! Look at my babies.....

Chris recovered video clips from an old hard drive and watching them last night just about undid me.

Just look at them playing church...

Chris was giving them flips and the giggles and hilarity were high...

And oh, my heart. I think they were only maybe two and four when I taught them the Bible verses of the wise man and foolish man story along with motions. Their sweet, lisping 

voices are just too much.

So, yes. This growing up business undoes me; the joy and pride and blessing of seeing them mature and the bittersweet ache of days forever gone. Not to mention, who were those young parents and what ever happened to them along the way? I mean, I feel like I'm still that person but looking at those old pictures, I realize I must be somebody much different.....

How this all works I cannot tell you. But now I must go pick up my school children. Let vacation begin!

The Dilemma Of A Woman Who Invites Company

So you're living your life, doing your work, accomplishing your tasks, content with your world, and then... you invite company.

Suddenly every nook and cranny is viewed through visitors eyes. As if the scales have magically been removed from your eyes, every room - every wall - every drawer - every cupboard - every closet - appears different than it did only yesterday. Every project you have been meaning to tackle, every half-finished idea you haven't found time for, every dream you wanted to do suddenly becomes a pressing need you should have accomplished yesterday.

"Oh, that horrible, awful trash pile that certainly shouldn't still be here a year after moving! Oh, the weeds I was going to weedeat; oh the brambles I was going to mow! Oh, the messy porch -- and most other people would wash their filthy siding! How do the appliances in my kitchen get so grimy? I've been planning to hang a plant in that corner... I've been wanting those quilts done... All winter those coat hooks were supposed to go up... HOW do I let my bedroom accumulate so many piles?? Why do I let my children pretend the bookshelf is their kitchen/play space/storage area??? Does anybody ever dust this place thoroughly?! When was the last time I washed that mirror? I absolutely refuse to examine the windows; there are limits."

Of course I am exaggerating.

A little.

Clearly I need to have company more often. Or I need to keep the scales off of my eyes on a daily basis. Or I need to leave the scales on and realize that the company will probably be wearing some themselves. Or I need to remember that visitors will be too polite to comment on that trash pile so who cares what they think.......

Or, even better, I could just focus on making the people entering my home feel welcome and cared about, instead of thinking about me and my pride and reputation.

Then again, I could just look at it as a good way to get some things accomplished around here for once. After all, when else do I ever get around to cleaning those corners that my company won't see anyway?

This is what happens when you try to take a Mother's Day photo --

One out of twenty catches everyone looking at the camera!

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Obviously, we had company yesterday. And, obviously, although this is written tongue in cheek, it's also embarrassingly true. I'm curious, do any of the rest of you identify?

A Little Of This And That

In case you haven't noticed, I've completely fallen off the blogging wagon lately. I've had dry spells before -- times when I felt uninspired and the words just didn't come. But I don't think I've ever felt quite what I've been feeling lately. For some reason these days I just flat out have no urge to write and, as a child said once, "I can't care."

I realized with a start the other night that June is just around the corner and the thought hadn't even crossed my mind to work on lining up 'How We Met' stories to share on my blog. The discovery gave me a twinge of something very close to guilt, like I had somehow failed all of you people. On the flip side, I felt no creative surge whatsoever to come up with an idea to remedy my slackness. I can't care.

The funny thing is, I'm not sitting over here feeling depressed or despondent. You'd think it must be something like that going on to bring about such long quiet spells and sporadic writing. That's not it. For the most part, my life is busy and happy and fulfilling right now.

I'm really not sure what the deal is except that, like I said earlier, the whole idea of fostering came up and I wasn't ready to share it and that kind of shut me down. Over that same time, as silly as I feel to admit it, I was obsessed with learning how to crochet and ended up injuring my hands to the point where I spent several weeks being really careful what I did in order to let them heal up.

I think maybe it's simply that those two things combined shut me up for awhile and now it's just taking too much effort to get back into the swing of writing. Or something.

So anyway, here I am. This is a feeble attempt at getting back on the blogging wagon. I'm guessing one day my urge to write will reappear but I ain't makin no promises, hunny. We're just gonna hang in there and do our thing and see what happens, I reckon.

As for story time in June? Unless I get some volunteers saying they would just love to write their story for me, I guess we'll skip the "How We Met" stories this year. I'm quite open to volunteers though, so feel free to send me an email at christopherbethany@juno.com! And if you don't know what I'm talking about, you can go read last year's introductory post here. You will find links to all the other 'How We Met' stories at the end of that post.

As to what I've been doing? A little of this and a little of that...

I agreed to mark off this quilt for a friend, even though I didn't really know what I was doing. It ended up being a kind of fun challenge, although I'm happy to say it's crossed off my list and if I had it to do over I could certainly do a better job.

Chris tilled up a little garden spot for me the other night, bless his heart. I am so thrilled!

My youngest three hardly know what a garden is and think this little postage stamp deal is huge. I know we tried to squeeze too much into a little space and I know we're probably planting free deer food and I know the soil is probably poor and full of grass and pieces of roots. But walking in that freshly tilled dirt and making rows and dropping seeds satisfies something deep down inside of me.

Charles thought it was all like a giant sandbox and loved chopping away at the dirt with his little hoe. Now the challenge is to keep him in his corner so he doesn't destroy all our nice rows of seeds.

Now that my hands are getting back to normal I'm anxious to do some sewing and to f i n a l l y get the girl's quilts finished.

They've been sitting here waiting on bindings for months now!

And now, I really must run along. Nice chatting with you all again and thanks for hanging with me in my silence. I would be so delighted if some of you would feel led to send me stories......