A Relationship With God

I've always struggled with daily Bible reading; always, always, as far back as I can remember. I wrote about it here and was a little amazed at the response I got, not only in the comments but some personal emails.

Clearly, I am not alone.

The '10 Minutes With God' idea is not something I have kept up on a daily basis. I still use it sometimes, and I think it has been a helpful exercise in growing my relationship with God. But I have a confession to make: I still find myself grasping desperately for the Holy Grail of daily, personal devotions.

It's been a frustrating struggle over the years. I've struggled with wondering what is wrong with me? Why do others seem to drink deeply from the Word and my attempts end up being more like trying to down dry crackers with no drink available? How does one get to the place where reading the Word is a thing to be looked forward to, not just something to say "At least I did it"? If I am not achieving that Holy Grail am I even a Christian? Is it better to be able to say "At least I did it" than to not do it at all?

I think one of the best things my 10 Minutes With God assignment did was this: it freed me to realize that what God wants the most is a deep, personal relationship with me, and that maybe daily Bible reading isn't the only possible way to have that relationship. I discovered that the relationship was the most important thing, not the specific way I cultivated that relationship. That, just maybe, not doing it at all is actually better than being able to say "At least I did it".

Still the struggle didn't go away completely. After all, if the Bible is God's word it would seem logical to conclude that anyone in a close relationship with Him would enjoy reading what He has to say, wouldn't it?

I think I may have discovered an answer for me. I think. Maybe.

I have purposely held off writing this post for the very reason that I secretly didn't expect my answer to be a lasting one. Even now, one month into my new experience, I'm leery of claiming any sort of lasting victory. Then again, any good relationship is constantly growing and changing. What is special and fresh now might not be next year but that doesn't mean it isn't worth being excited about.

So, I will share my experience with you.

Tomorrow.

And, unlike the poem, I do actually mean tomorrow, May 26. :)

Extravagant Love

Oh Lord my God,

When I in awesome wonder

Consider all the world's 

Thy hands have made...

Could we with ink

The ocean fill,

And were the skies

Of parchment made,

Were every stalk

On earth a quill,

And every man a scribe by trade, 

To write the love of God above

Would drain the ocean dry

Nor could the scroll contain the whole

Though stretched from sky to sky...

Then sings my soul

My Saviour God to thee

How great thou art

How great thou art!

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Friday morning Chris and I got up at 5:30 a.m. to watch the sunrise over the ocean. It was absolutely spectacular. I wished for a choir of hundreds of voices to lift their's with mine in singing praise and adoration to the God who created such majestic beauty! 

He didn't have to. 

He could have made our world drab, colorless and all the same. But He didn't. He absolutely didn't. That spells Love to me -- beautiful, glorious, extravagant Love.

Anniversary Trip

We spent five marvelous days 

away from it all,

celebrating our 15th Anniversary

which is coming up on June 2.

It was lovely.

I am tempted to leave it at that.

For a couple who has held pretty strictly  to their motto of --

"The closer you live to reality, 

even in your special moments, 

the better off you will be."

Five days away

was quite an extravagance.

Or maybe I should be painfully honest here: It was really just the wife. And she very nearly ruined every lovely detail of the trip on the front end by her guilt and fear and selfishness.

I could give you gory details

but it's complicated.

I have a secret suspicion that many of you wives and mothers would understand but the fact is, I'd just as soon leave what's in the past in the past.

We spent two nights with friends in Virginia Beach and the rest of our time in Ocean City, Maryland.

It was absolutely lovely.

The beauty of the ocean, the sightseeing and the relaxing, the talking and the remembering and the need to only think of each other and no one else, the complete enjoyment of each other and what God has done in our lives these past 15 plus years.

Lovely.

I still belief the truth of our motto

but I also believe that, while not essential to happiness, occasionally it can be good for one's heart, soul and relationship to do something completely removed from reality.

And now, on to reality with a vengeance she said, looking at the piles of laundry and messy suitcases and general clutter and the chattering, busy children and the clock, whose hands march relentlessly on toward time to leave for the school picnic........

Where Have You Been?

Bethany, Bethany,

Where have you been?

I've been to Arkansas

To be with family.

Bethany, Bethany,

What did you there?

I sorted through memories

And treasures and more,

And packed box 

Upon box

And heard stories galore.

****

Bethany, Bethany,

Where have you been?

I've been to the Zoo

On a school field trip.

Bethany, Bethany,

What did you there?

I walked and I walked

And I walked some more....

I looked at animals,

I rode the train,

And I came home sunburned

And with legs quite sore.

****

Bethany, Bethany,

Where are you going next?

I'm going with my husband

To celebrate 15 years.

Bethany, Bethany,

What will you do there?

I'll sleep and I'll sleep

And just lounge on a chair!

Dear Mom

Two years ago the phone call came that changed our lives forever. Last year we made it past the one year mark and now, here we are, two years removed from that early morning phone call.

My family has never been the kind to make a big deal out of these sorts of anniversaries. Everyone is different, and I won't attempt to say that one way is better than another. For myself, I prefer not making a big deal but I am finding that it is also beneficial to take the time to look back and feel some feelings.

We have an amazing God who created us with the ability to go on living in the face of loss and grief. Think about it, the sun keeps coming up every morning, the flowers bloom, the children say funny things, new babies are born, people get married, we celebrate anniversaries... Life goes on, and even though sometimes we wish it would stop, God was wise to make it work that way.

This morning I am taking a moment to look back and remember... I feel again the raw grief and numbness of two years ago. The pain and the stumbling through the motions of things. The tears and the loss and the ache.

And then, I am remembering last year, and the 'new pink skin' and the growth and the realization that amongst the memories and the loss and the sadness, there is healing and new life.

Today, I pause to look around me and remember. The tears that come with the remembering are healing but equally so is the evidence of all that the Lord has done in the last two years.

Life has gone on. We are still here and we have grown. The sun is still rising every morning, the flowers are blooming again, people are getting married...two special people on July 30...and the children are still saying funny things.

God is good.

The memories will always be there, and I am blessed to have them. Today I pause to remember, to heal, to live.

Unsolicited Dating Advice

I'm not exactly sure 'which wall' this post came off of but late one night it came spilling out, so here you go. I am no authority on the subject of dating ...... then again, I dated once and am happily married, so maybe I am?

I've been keeping this post in my draft folder for quite some time now but today, just for anyhow, here are 10 little tid bits of free dating advice.

1) Take your time. A solid foundation is not built in a day. 

2) Focus on becoming best of friends. Romance is great but friendship is what will stand the test of time.

3) Call me old fashioned but I believe the old 'Hands Off' policy is best. It is extremely difficult to focus on building a strong foundation and becoming best of friends when you are busily stoking the fires of love and romance with physical contact. Trust me, those fires are easily stoked without any extra help. I am not of the persuasion that all physical touch before marriage is sin but in my opinion, if you are choosing the best, you choose Hands Off. 

4) Be real. Best of friends don't do things just to win approval or make a good impression. If it is something you don't plan to do if you get married, don't do it while you're dating - opening her car door, bringing him his coffee, helping her wash dishes, allowing him to open doors.....

5) Don't be a clique. You are dating and you like to spend time together, of course. But someday you will need those other people in your lives, don't cut them off now. Do things with the whole group, be on opposite volleyball teams sometimes, let people ride with you when you go somewhere..... Best of friends don't have to be exclusive. They know the friendship is solid and will always be there. That's the kind of friendship that will see you through a lifetime; cultivate it. People will love to be around you.

6) Begin now to share all your secrets with each other. Best of friends know everything about each other and the only way to get there is to share. Ask each other questions about important issues and beliefs. Sometimes good old fashioned pen and paper are the best way to do questions and answers.

7) Play games together or some other form of relaxing recreation. In order to focus on becoming best of friends, it is important to not live in the 'romance trench' all the time. Do things together that allow you to have fun and get to know each other on a friendship level.

8) Allow each other the time needed to grow in your relationship. Sometimes you might find yourselves with differing levels of excitement about dating. Take your time, go back to focusing on being best of friends. The deepest love is the kind that grows slowly and pushes down it's roots.

9) Be spontaneous and keep it simple. A date doesn't always have to be in a fancy place with lighted candles. The closer you live to reality, the better off you will be.

10) If you truly do become best of friends, you will discover the flaws and irritations in each other. Point out and discuss as many of these as possible. Someday, when you marry your best friend, you will discover very few surprises and your journey into happily ever after will benefit greatly.

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Chris read this and grinned, "In other words, be just like us?" Well. Yes, of course! I mean, didn't we do everything just about perfectly? 😊

In all honesty, I know that no one mold fits every couple and relationship. These are ten things I see as beneficial to a dating relationship, I wonder what you think of?

This Do In Remembrance

               "How Deep The Father's Love For Us"

How deep the Father's love for us
How vast beyond all measure
That He should give His only Son
To make a wretch His treasure

How great the pain of searing loss
The Father turns His face away
As wounds which mar the Chosen One
Bring many sons to glory

Behold the man upon a cross
My sin upon His shoulders
Ashamed, I hear my mocking voice
Call out among the scoffers

It was my sin that held Him there
Until it was accomplished
His dying breath has brought me life
I know that it is finished

I will not boast in anything
No gifts, no power, no wisdom
But I will boast in Jesus Christ
His death and resurrection

Why should I gain from His reward?
I cannot give an answer
But this I know with all my heart
His wounds have paid my ransom

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Worshiping this morning........

"Take, eat: this is my body, which is broken for you:"

"This cup is the new testament in my blood, which is shed for you."

             Sitting in the early morning silence,                      anticipating church and the words --

"This do in remembrance of me..."